Not acknowledging feeling of others and too honest.

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Brittniejoy1983
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20 Feb 2016, 4:38 pm

OP, I have done EXACTLY THIS to my father-in-law's family, even my husband. I'm a nurse, and he was in need of immediate medical care. They were all 'emoting' about how 'horrible' he had been treated, and how bad he looked, and how little he was able to interact with people (sudden decline in cognitive abilities as well as irreversible dementia with no diagnosed cause).
I told them they needed to stop, because their emotions didn't matter. Their feelings didn't matter. What MATTERED was getting FIL the treatment and attention that he needed. I DID explain that the longer they took to REACT to these situations, the longer FIL would be waiting for interventions.

It caused a lot of problems, a lot of division, and I don't speak with three of the people involved because they got so mad at me. It's whatever, I have to move on. I can understand they would have feelings about it, but I don't understand why they cannot compartmentalize things and do what has to be done. If a child comes to you because they get hurt, do you freak out first? Or get them help first, and then freak out? It is no different.

I'm sure one could learn to work around it, but really I think it would end up being a patch to make you 'look' normal. Or like a filler, that you know you have to FIRST consider their feelings, or at least act like it, so that you can continue on to doing what needs to be done. (I've been called overly-pragmatic, cold, and too logical. And emotionless).


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Brittniejoy1983
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20 Feb 2016, 4:42 pm

Also (adding because I read farther in your thread), that whole coping stuff I mentioned I think goes under 'scripting' in a way.

As far as 9/11, it affected me only because of the religious environment I was raised in and believed in at the time. It was hailed as a sign of the end of the world, and THAT scared me. Statistically speaking, it isn't the worst attack, and we have so few, it isn't really something to be afraid of. To me. That is. I don't quite understand WHY people believed it to be damaging to show footage on tv. If you were there, I would understand, but if not? Nope. Don't get it.

Before I babble on endlessly, I'll submit this. (Oh, I get you on the babbling about things you know about. My topics are different, but the same).


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ASD Diagnosed 4/22/2016


MomoNoHanna
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Location: Australia

20 Feb 2016, 7:17 pm

Brittniejoy1983 wrote:
OP, I have done EXACTLY THIS to my father-in-law's family, even my husband. I'm a nurse, and he was in need of immediate medical care. They were all 'emoting' about how 'horrible' he had been treated, and how bad he looked, and how little he was able to interact with people (sudden decline in cognitive abilities as well as irreversible dementia with no diagnosed cause).
I told them they needed to stop, because their emotions didn't matter. Their feelings didn't matter. What MATTERED was getting FIL the treatment and attention that he needed. I DID explain that the longer they took to REACT to these situations, the longer FIL would be waiting for interventions.

It caused a lot of problems, a lot of division, and I don't speak with three of the people involved because they got so mad at me. It's whatever, I have to move on. I can understand they would have feelings about it, but I don't understand why they cannot compartmentalize things and do what has to be done. If a child comes to you because they get hurt, do you freak out first? Or get them help first, and then freak out? It is no different.

I'm sure one could learn to work around it, but really I think it would end up being a patch to make you 'look' normal. Or like a filler, that you know you have to FIRST consider their feelings, or at least act like it, so that you can continue on to doing what needs to be done. (I've been called overly-pragmatic, cold, and too logical. And emotionless).


Some how what I posted got deleted.

I find the concept of accepting feelings first strange as well. Another example is when my mother made a mistake with my sons feeding tube. We got training in the hospital before with left. Anyway without giving you to much detail, she almost caused risk of aspiration. I called for a ride to the hospital to make sure she didn't and to get a feeding tube back in as he blocked it. Apparently I didn't accept her feelings when I got upset. My sister said I was cold for blaming mum. Because apparently her feelings should have taken priority. Apparently I'm also not allowed to say she made a mistake. I don't get it? I did the right thing and took him to emergency. My mum was suppose to get me in from the other room if something happened. She didn't even do that. But nope apparently I'm the bad guy for not considering my mum's feelings first.

I really don't get it.

Also, I love what nurses do ;) you guys are awesome.


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ASPartOfMe
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20 Feb 2016, 7:34 pm

I only pick up the fairly obvoius body language but not the subtle body language. I was clueless that
I was missing some body language until getting disgnosed at age 55. I was flabbergasted to learn that something like 90 percent of human communication is non verbal.


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MomoNoHanna
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20 Feb 2016, 8:44 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
I only pick up the fairly obvoius body language but not the subtle body language. I was clueless that
I was missing some body language until getting disgnosed at age 55. I was flabbergasted to learn that something like 90 percent of human communication is non verbal.


Wow, is it really that high? I must be missing some. I can tell when someone is upset, (they have to be crying though). I'm not very good at distraction and other subtle feelings. This much I know. I can tell when someone is happy usually. I can be sacarstic but I'm not very good at telling when others are being sarcastic. I can not tell when someone is not interested in what I'm saying, that's for sure.


_________________
Currently seeking diagnosis.
neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 158 of 200
neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200 (very likely Aspie)
Obsession's: Beyblade
Books (historical based)
Art
Studying to be a Librarian because books rock my world.
"Google can bring you back 100,000 answers. A librarian can bring you back the right one." Neil Gaimen.