I hate autism awareness

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Sometimes I just feel NT. When I feel NT my sensory issues disappear, I don't feel the need to stim, my voice changes and I actually get energy from socializing. I recently felt NT for a few days straight. It was the best feeling ever. Now that I feel autistic again I'm pretty miserable.

So you'd prefer everyone to be ignorant about autism and have no clue as to what it means or what some traits might be? I don't get why you'd be upset people are more aware of autism unless you think its something shameful. I mean I think being asked 'do you have autism' is nicer than being told 'you're ret*d' for instance.

Alright well autism is a life-long condition, its not something you just have some of the time and not other parts of the time. I notice if I am managing my stress well my sensory issues and need for stimming are reduced to...doesn't mean I don't have autism when that happens. Perhaps its to do with stress for you to like when you are more stressed the unpleasant autism symptoms are worse and with less stress they aren't as bad.

The voice changing thing is weird to me....I'd be kind of freaked out if my voice just up and changed to a different voice. So for that part you might want to get it checked out might not be a big deal but that bit did strike me as concerning for some reason.

I don't think autism is one disorder. I think it's a bunch of different disorders with similar symptoms that get grouped together. My actual voice didn't change. It just became more animated and less awkward. I wish I could talk like that all the time. I hate it when my voice sounds autistic. I feel kind of miserable when I talk and I have a phobia of singing and foreign languages.

I mean I think it is sad to be miserable because your feeling your autism more now.
I mean there have been instances where I've been able to do the NT thing. Times where I was finally completely aware of the social currents- why and how did this happen? Pretty simple, there was a pattern of NT behavior that I had studied and I recognized that pattern of behavior ahead of the curve because it was like the millionth time I had come across it- and usually I know the players involved too but not always and just somehow my brain kicks into gear and I get it- the socialization is easy and I "can do the NT thing" convincingly and they seem to like me more when I can do this- especially my parents. Suddenly it's all smiles and s**t. But it never lasts because at some point the conversation outruns my program and my script and I lose the thread or some new variable has been introduced and I don't understand any more.
But for a few moments.... I get it "right". Also when I am comfortable and the environment is driving me absolutely f*****g insane with the f*****g noise or smells or lights or motions like maybe it's a controlled environment that's like a high end nice sort of area- then magically I'm okay. I can focus more on the social scenario and I'm just able to read stuff and anaylze things in real time more which leads to a higher social success rate.

Thank you for bringing this up, DevilKisses. I'm very interested in this. I think it's really important.

"Autistic" seems to have become a type of person. I would like to study if and how neurotypicals can identify autistic people.

I have unfortunately become aware over the years that people assume that I use drugs or have used drugs. I have been vocally anti all illegal drugs my entire life. But I'm heavily tattooed and I listen to heavy metal. My hair and face are pretty conservative now but when I had facial piercings and a creative haircut or funny colored hair people would start conversations with me about things that I was very much against.

So it doesn't really matter if you ARE autistic these days, because of autism awareness. If you are unconsciously BEHAVING autistic, other people may be identifying you as an autistic person. This means you would be subject to being discriminated against or given special help that perhaps you don't need or want.

I used to have a phobia of singing and talking in foreign languages... Because I was told as a kid I sounded horrible and I should and I quote:"Shut the f**k up you sound like s**t and no one wants to here you sing."
However when I started going to karaoke with my Asian friends ... No one cared and I went from a flailing mess in the karaoke rooms to singing along happily. I haven't in years but it helped me out then- sounding different is just like any other social SKILL you practice and practice and practice and get better. Think of the 10,000 rule- it will take a long time but if it really truly bothers you then spend all your time practicing and I mean you're not going to change your autism or the fact that it doesn't come naturally to you- but you can override nature a bit by practicing a LOT but honestly all that effort isn't worth as much as other things are to me so I don't care as much. I think there are better things to do with my life and time than practice NT norms when it isn't natural for me and I would just prefer for people to be more accepting of me for me- I have to accept f*****g every NT I come across basically so they can return the damned favor.
It's all about reciprocity.

My NT moments usually happen when I'm healthy or with the right people. When I'm very healthy I can feel NT with pretty much anyone. Even people I dislike. When I'm feeling crappy even the best people don't make me feel NT. Interestingly being around autistic people makes me act more autistic. I normally don't have problems with eye contact, but I find eye contact very difficult with autistic people. It's probably for the best. Most autistic people don't want eye contact anyways.

When I feel NT, I'm not faking NT behavior at all. I'm just enjoying the moment. When I feel NT socializing is like breathing. It just comes naturally and it isn't draining. When I feel autistic I feel like everything I do is awkward. Including breathing.

The problem I have with people identifying people as autistic is that they never seem to use core traits with them. They flag anxiety, seeming smart, and ADHD traits as autistic. I think you should study how NTs change their behavior around autistic people.

That's a great idea. It would be interesting to see how NT behavior changes around auties and aspies before and after they know that they're on the autism spectrum. I'd also be interested to know if the way they speak about the person changes when the person is not present.

Thanks for the idea!

(1) it wasn't the main focus of the topic therefore it gets buried in the noise. (2)Maybe with the other conversations and the material to support such an assertion has had the impact you desired. (3)The thrust of this conversation actually ties that together by bad information being out there and influencing things: Whether accurately or not, it is influencing things.

Popular media is hopping on it like mad. Just introduced an Autistic character in the weekly US TV series, 'Elementary'. Just last week, I saw that an Autistic child and Autistic children, children with difficulties were the main focus of 'The Blacklist'.
Then there are all the other portrayals out there and all the armchair quarterbacks who know nothing but a smattering are trying to 'diagnose' a fictional character, and then trying to 'post mortem diagnose' real people.

The first is everybody being fed a lot of contradictory information. No wonder the public is confused.

The second is trying to find all these people who were unbelievably extraordinary and then diagnose them, sometimes hundreds of years after they died, makes matters worse because it leads to the idea that something like Asperger's makes someone superhuman.

"I wanna be like that!" and it usually ain't so.

DevilsKisses, I still think you ought to go for a revaluation. You are an adult now. If it turns out you are autistic you need to work on the guilt and shame. If it turns out you were misdisgnosed you are freed from the autism burden and you can work on finding out what your real issues are. IMHO you are sitting in limbo and can not advance with your life unless a reevaluation is done.

I just want to respond to what DevilKisses wrote about "feeling NT".

I felt NT for years. I thought I was doing a great job with socializing! I was on antidepressants, so my anxiety in all areas was greatly reduced, although the meds made me apathetic overall. I was very enthusiastic and friendly when socializing. I didn't feel awkward at all. So of course I was confused about why I didn't have any friends, and why I seemed to get unwanted reactions from people.

Well, it turned out that all that time that I "felt NT" I was still extremely socially awkward. I just wasn't aware of it. I wasn't worried about socializing, so I just assumed I was doing well. I was doing everything wrong, and totally oblivious.

I was blunt, I couldn't keep myself from blurting things out, I gave too much personal information about myself, I didn't make small talk, I talked incessantly about my special interests, I didn't react appropriately in social situations, I couldn't control my emotions, etc.

So it was only an illusion of behaving NT in my case.

I also experienced "feeling" NT for a few days. My wife has worked out that they tend to occur in clusters of days when I have very little human contact and low pressure.

Another thing to keep in mind is that it may not be that people have gone from seeing you as "normal" (you passing as NT) to being viewed as quirky, but rather that people now have a word that describes how you appear to them. So they're using it.

I've had some people think I'm autistic and others who were surprised. Those who were surprised tended to a) view ASD as more severe and/or b) remark that they thought I was just quirky and that they attributed any social oddities to my hearing loss.

I think some of the diagnosing of characters comes people wanting to see themselves in media.

The term "spreading awareness" tends to really annoy me. I know a lot of people mean well when they use it, but I think that it has become a cop-out for actually doing something for someone. Such as: "I shared this facebook post about awareness for puppies, cancer, red shoes, the heart association, and if I didn't share it I didn't love Jesus...so I shared it, spread awareness of all these great causes, and did my job to come across as a caring person. Oh, yeah, and I do love Jesus, check my facebook wall for proof."

The thing about "spreading awareness" is that you can feel good about yourself without actually doing anything about it. I don't care what facebook post someone puts up or what benefit muddy girl fun run they do or what ice bucket challenge they did. That doesn't help me directly. (I realize some of the benefit runs probably do benefit research, but I don't know how much of that $$ goes to actual research and how much just covers expenses for the event itself.)

What is actually helpful is when someone goes out of their way to watch my autistic son and takes the time to realize he is a safety hazard to himself so that I can feel confident he is being carefully watched when he is with them. I have some great family/friends who do this.

What is actually helpful is when someone sees I have a hard time fitting in and takes the initiative to invite me to participate in an area where I have a skill and can contribute, in spite of my social awkwardness.

What is actually helpful is when someone accepts me and my family for who we are. Truly cares about us as people, not just as a part of a greater cause of autism so they can get brownie points. Because behind all "awareness" are people with real struggles due to their condition, whether it be autism, heart disease, cancer, or anything else.