When two Aspies Talk

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@AJisHere I definitely agree that Aspies can get long winded with their conversion of dialogues into their own monologues but I feel as if the frustration that comes from that of which you speak is more of boredom or frustration with them not being entertaining partners rathe than a stress that comes from the very presence of a person.

I suppose for me it's for of an information processing defect with social interaction than anything as if the preparations I have to make to deal with an NT is too mentally taxing as compared to Aspies, pets, kids, etc.

Even with my own family, I feel worn down after spending too much time in the same room with them (at times we're not interacting for the entire duration) but their presence itself puts a toll on my mental faculty. I tell my dad that I need to spend some time by myself after spending an hour only because I have to cool down. This sort of exhaustion is common with all NTs regardless of how familiar I am with them. With my dog, other pets or kids- It takes a lot longer for me to be worn down in their presence.

To be fair, it's like the distinction between two internet browsers being the interface of social interaction with each part. With Aspies,etc. it's Internet Explorer which doesn't task the computer too much if it's been active for a long time but can't load all websites well. With NT's- it's Chrome and it's hogging up all the available RAM and slowing everything else down.

It doesn't make time for the computer to shudder about placing the mouse cursor on Chrome.

I wouldn't know. Still too new at this for anything like an informed opinion. I would think that it could also be like most pairings of people; you can either click or you don't. It just may be more rare between Aspies because of the basic social interactions being so unique from individual to individual and input to output accuracy could easily create miscommunications.

@AndrewR42: I think you're probably right.

Seems like most of us get that "drained" feeling you describe. I do. But I usually find it worth it for a lot of interactions; when I'm with people I like it's a good deal for me. I get a lot out of those interactions, I'm just a little worn down afterwards. With other aspies though, I often get almost as drained but without feeling I got any value out of the whole thing. Even when interests match up the conversation just goes way too far with it and doesn't allow enough back and forth.

I love it when I find someone who's able to find a good balance. I've met only a few, though.

Like I always say, there's nothing like an argument between two Aspies.

There's a reason I usually don't do those.

I don't talk to many people. Never really have done. I like long, discursive, philosophical/psychological conversations that veer off at many tangents. Which is to say, I do best in conversations that match how I think. Otherwise I can find it hard to not simply go off on one, following my own train of thought. If I do it out loud, I bore those I'm with. If I do it in my head, I get caught up in there and forget I'm with company. Probably start drooling or something, too.

I need my interlocuter to have a mind that moves like mine, so we can riff off each other, allowing the conversation to be pushed and pulled this way and that, questioning each other and ourselves.

In my experience, those best suited to this have been oddball women. One of those is Mrs Hopper, who suspects (with good reason) that she may be autistic.

That's trippy, Hopper; I've been suspecting that I'd actually get along quite well with a lot of aspie women even though I rarely do with other aspie guys. My experiences here on WP seem to back that up. The specific behaviors I find off-putting seem more linked to male aspies; a lot of them are things I did when I was younger.

I wonder why this is.

I've been told that we don't like in others that we don't like in ourselves.

There may be something to that, zykdz.

Well I have never had problems with being Autistic. It's ridiculously noticeable. All my friends that I knew suspected it from the beginning so when a report actually confirms it, it was just a shrug of my shoulders. It's just my doorway for better opportunities in life.

It's just sometimes when I spend time with the other Aspies, in my support groups, we can have a communication issues. Because I am nowhere near as rigid about certain things about them. It doesn't help them, but also some of them are religious. Which I am not. So that causes a lot of friction because they often like to give some freaky advice from some gospel.

I like logical solutions and don't like advice given to me from prayer or preach.

I have found the aspies I know or highly suspect are on the spectrum are very difficult to deal with. They tend to be extreme geeks when I am semi-geek at best and tend to be quite cliquish. As well, they don't seem to get 'NT' interests like sports. In my experiences, aspies in real life can be very narrow-minded and condescending too. I feel that I don't belong anywhere many times

This is an interesting thread. I don't actually know any other diagnosed Aspies in real life, aside from a handful of children of friends of the family, etc. All of my interactions with other adults on the spectrum have been here on WP. I'd imagine that two Aspies going on at length about our disparate special interests might make for an awkward exchange.

@untilwereturn: I've found that two aspies going on at length about the same interest is also an awkward exchange. That's just my experience, though.

AJisHere -

I had male friends up til I was 15 or 16, each friendship lasting a few years. I never really liked men - found them both boring and threatening - and preferred to be around women. I don't think this is reciprocated - that I'm any easier to get on with than other men.

With the last lot, I was into mountain biking for a few years, and they shared that interest. They started to want to go out and socialise in the alcohol-fuelled hangout/party sense. I had no interest in that.

Since then they've been female, and odd and smart. Started with penpals when I was 17, then Mrs Hopper and her family (my late father-in-law being a rare - the rare - man I got on with) and some e-pals through the years. I've found myself able to talk with them in a way that I felt at ease and understood, and that I understood them.

I can feel a bunch of stuff to say and ask on this, but I'm too damn tired.

It's not in your head, it's real. That's the game: socially mark your territory and defend it. It naturally leads to predatory behaviour which i actually find slightly humorous since we actually evolved as scavengers, not apex predators.

Though that might to be true, although an instinctive awareness of a pressure or presence exerted by entities and a rationalization that comes from deliberative analysis of observed phenomena might have the same basis (the behaviour of the NTs)- it doesn't necessarily mean that they share the same rational train of thought and hence does not require the same conclusion in the same event (the interaction with an NT). To me, it feels a lot more instinctual and primitive in how it's expressed in my brain. It happens far too quickly and without conscious focus, the same way as if you feel someone's gaze on the back of your head only to turn around and see them quickly avert their eyes (Not very scientific, but I do honestly think the sensation is on a more primitive functioning level).

About us evolving as scavengers rather than apex predators, I think it's more that the predatory nature of human beings isn't so much a factor of our food acquiring behaviours as it's much of our social structure and dependency on cultures to compensate for our weaker traits. Human beings evolved in a considerably hostile environment, considering the presence of far more threatening predators and the evolutionary pathway that led to a more social being living in considerably larger groups with more complex hierarchies would probably lead to those who were quick in their social judgments and predatory in their nature to succeed and pass on more offspring. Once the cultural dimension became a factor in the evolutionary pathway of the human species, the favour went to those with more of a politician's temperament- many a philosopher described the human being as centrally a political animal.