why do some parents not tell there child they have autism?

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Well, I've always known, fore my Brother was autistic, but not my sister. This helped me know, Also they don't want to hurt they're feelings, even though they have Alexithyia .

Besides the openly Autistic who are excuse makers you see the opposite end of the problem here on WP many who have been told feel it is a lifelong curse which will doom them to never having sex, relationships, employment as well as endless bullying.

The issue for me is that is why should the parents have to figure out the least horrendous choice at all? Telling children or even diagnosing them should be a no doubt positive choice. It is anything but that in many locals.

I mean people who aren't disabled (yes I consider ASD as disabling, don't argue with me about semantics please) make excuses too for all sorts of things, often more so because they don't know what it's like to have to work 10 times harder to achieve the things non-disabled people achieve. You also have to make the distinction between valid excuses and invalid excuses. An excuse is nothing more than a reason for aberrant behaviour. You don't tell someone in a weelchair that he's not trying hard enough to walk. Being diplegic is a valid excuse to never walk, which would be considered abnormal behaviour otherwise. Just because ASD is a neurological disorder doesn't mean we should treat it differently. We should all try to do what we can but we should also respect one anothers limitations.

We adopted my daughter at birth and my husband would not let me tell her. We finally did when she was 13 1/2. It was only because her psychologist said we had to and to be convinced, he had to discuss it with her psychologist.

She is 14 now.

When her psychologist told me my daughter was autistic, which I had suspected for years, I told her even before she had an "official" diagnosis. She had been bullied relentlessly at school. I explained, as best I could, how her brain was wired a little differently. I explained that some thing would be easier for her than for her peers and some things more difficult. I explained that the social world was one of the things that would be more difficult and that was why she had those problems.

We talk, she knows that she is not any better or worse than anyone else. She knows that there are a lot of other kids her age that have the same problems she has and may be on the spectrum but not know it. I bought her books about navigating the adolescent school/social years.

Her self-esteem is much higher now that she understands why no one at school liked her. And that she is different but it is ok that she is different.

Going through life thinking there is something "wrong" with you has got to be harder than knowing you just process things a different way and have learn some things that come easy to others.

Plus-no more secrets!

All I can say is that I wish I would have known a lot earlier. The choices I would not have made. The repetition of pursuing wrong paths because I thought the issues were something else.

I would have liked to have had knowledge and be able to adapt to the limitations I have other than "Professional f**k up".

I know in my family that we have learning disabilities all through them.
My brother diagnosed in the early 80's with test anxiety. http://www.adaa.org/living-with-anxiety ... st-anxiety.
Now a Mechanical Engineer licensed in several states, internationally published in trade pubs. Runs two departments at a new job which came with massive promotion

Son, Dyslexia
Works in electronics and telecommunications

Grandson: Diagnosed Asperger's
Still doing good, working towards his eagle scout.

Still waiting to find out about me fully.

I hate to say it, but all of them were diagnosed and learned to work within their limitations and it helped them thrive. Of course, quite the opposite of helicopter parenting or trophyism at work there. Definitley the 'tough love' school of thought balanced by education towards their disabilities.

We all have the same traits. They all had help. They are all successes. I, who had no idea, am the 'professional f**kup'.

So, that's from my perspective and I know it's unique. What may work in one case will not always work in other cases.

I just want to add one more thing.

In junior high school kids become very mean. If your kid doesn't know he's autistic, he may just think he's a freak.

Before we knew my daughter was suicidal from the bullying and not fitting in.

I would rather have her alive and making the occasional excuse to get out of doing a hard assignment than dead.