Does the flat affect scare NT"s

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I go from too animated (been called dramatic several times) to 'wow, you look pissed today.'

That happens when I'm not in 'animated, showboat mode'. I can keep it for a short period of time, depending on what I'm involved with.

Teaching, I have been able to do because it is not a real social interaction event because we are focusing on a topic. And, I am in charge of the content. But, in a social environment, it fails very quickly.

Teaching is becoming a problem because today's students want to make it more social that learning.

Getting work is getting much, much harder because I cannot fit in today's social dependent society. That business meet and greet. That networking. Over time, I've learned that I do not strike most people 'correctly'.

I say all this because I too have the same questions and am trying to learn about it. Hence professional support.

Kinda all over the map.

Aside: What is going on with captcha for the last two days. It is always bombing on me and I'm on a PC.

My advice is to try to fit into this world. That means emulating things that we don't do naturally.
Observe people. Watch their expressions, and then when you are home in private try doing those expressions in the mirror. Try to copy them, and once you have then use those same expressions in the sorts of situations where you have seen non-autistic people use them.

I guess a +plus side of being on the autistic spectrum is that fewer facial expressions mean fewer wrinkles, so we look younger then we are.

Some people on the spectrum aren't interested in "fitting into" society, but I am. I watch, and emulate.

This might be a bad example of what I mean, but here is a clip from the Terminator 2 movie:

Some people asked me why I almost never smile or seem angry all the time too. It's just the way I am, I just tell them I'm ok.

That was very much the case for me when I was younger and as a kid I only smiled when something was funny.
So I was always told that I looked angry, sulky etc. to which I would reply "no, this is just the way I look". Then, as I've gotten older, I'm not sure how or why, I've become practically as expressive as other people - at least in terms of facial expressions and such (though, there are times, such as when I'm tired, that I feel it is a masquerade that I can't be bothered with).
I do still feel incredibly awkward about how I probably should react to some stuff. I tend to think that the whole phenomenon is dual; that on the one hand we might actually feel less about many things, and on the other hand, it can be a mere 'lack' of the stronger expressions that normal people expect. I think that some of the expressive capacity changed for me in conjunction with playing roleplaying games (pen & paper) throughout the years, really trying to portray the characters I have created, in the presence of the other players.

I have learned to fake general facial expressions, usually it's enough to get me through the day
without to much fuzz.

I've always been annoyed with how people assume things because of my expression or body language,
they even read between the lines ! !
I often get accused of meaning things I never said. (WHEN DID I SAY THAT?!)

When I come home from work, I'm usually tense and annoyed (shopping dinner in a busy grocery store almost make me shutdown), and my wife thinks I'm annoyed with her, because of my body language.

I want a t-shirt that says "DON'T READ ME", but NT's would probably think it's a pun

In grade school, my friends got to know me, so they were ok with the flat affect - one did tell me that I had a face like hematite, unreadable - but we all just didn't think anything of it. My friends thought "weird" was a compliment, a good thing to be. But yeah, people who dared come up to me (not friends) would ask me if I was sad or angry. Teachers thought I was bored or angry. The worst was my parents - my mom. She always was frustrated why I "purposely" held my face in such an "ugly" way - she just thought I was a b***h. I didn't know how to respond. In fact, I would realize later that I suffered from depression, but that's also just my face - still is. I've learned to be more animated, but it's an act - so it's artificial, and sometimes people can tell something is a bit off - I do it purely to make others feel more comfortable, but sometimes it backfires. As of today, I think I'm going to try to stop....since my faking it sometimes doesn't work. Well, I"ll still use it a bit, but I need to back down from it. Yes - it bothers NTs. They will misinterpret/misunderstand you - and I don't know about you, but I hate being misunderstood. They'll read things in between the lines that aren't really there.

I'm another NT, and I agree with a lot that has already been said, but I'd like to add a few thoughts.

When it comes to NTs making the wrong assumptions: they also make accurate assumptions. However, it's kind of like being a detective: some people are better at it than others--and even they can have their off days. It also depends on how much background information you have about the person, and how accurate that info may be, and whether or not the person being "investigated" is being truthful! I think that most of the time, most NTs trying to read another person don't intend to cause harm, especially if that person cares about the "suspect."

Sometimes the flat affect makes people worry that that person might not be feeling well, and they ask for more information because they want to help. Unless they're just being nosey.

This discussion brought the image of a snake to my mind--but not in a derogatory sense. Most people who see a snake lying still know that, though the snake might just be resting contentedly or dead , it might actually strike suddenly. Most people would rather know the state of the snake--especially if they're going to be near that snake for a while!

...and I forgot to add that yes, I think being unable to see, hear, or recognize facial expressions would be scary, at least until I got used to it--and I have no idea how long that would take, which would also be scary! Fear of the unknown can be tortuous, right?

I wouldn't compare a "flat expression" to someone typing in all caps; I'd say it would be more like trying to understand something written in all lowercase letters without punctuation marks.

My family say I have a 'flat expression' or 'sad doll face' as they call it. I don't try to put on an act around them and I'm just me, which I guess is less expressive. At work I make a constant effort to act normal and I'm told I come across as really animated and enthusiastic most of the time. On the odd occasion where I forget, either because I'm tired or focused on something, people will ask me if I'm okay. I have naturally dark, downward slanting 'sad puppy' eyes, so that probably doesn't help! I think NTs expect constant chatter and animation, so anything different is a sign that something is wrong.

Maybe it's the Uncanny Valley thing; an autistic person with flat affect seems almost human to NT's who have no experience with autism, so it disconcerts them unbearably.

I too have experience with a passive face that is truly without much emotion, but it looks slightly sad or worried or mildly angry to others. From preschool age I can remember people telling me I should smile, but thinking "this is my normal relaxed face" but not really realizing I looked sad or upset to other people. I get seriously sick of hearing "what's wrong" so much, because I no longer hear "I care about you and you look sad/upset/a little angry/worried," I hear "what is your problem? Why can't you be normal?" when people ask me what's wrong.

I remember hearing that it takes more facial muscles to frown than to smile, and when I was young I thought that was obviously bogus because I looked like I was frowning slightly when all my facial muscles are completely relaxed, and it takes some effort to pull the corners of my mouth up into a smile. I try to practice a mildly positive expression in the mirror but it hardly ever comes off as anything but fakey or manic. A few times I've hit on an expression that works--but a few hours later or the next day I can't achieve the same effect no matter how I manipulate my facial muscles.

Elsewhere on the web, notably facebook, I've noticed lots of posts from people who claim to have what they call "resting b***h face." This seems to be the same sort of thing but it's mostly NT's who say it, so maybe it's not really the same. But when I'm not thinking about it--which is most of the time--my face looks slightly sad/angry/worried/depressed, not happy. So I'm totally on board with the anti-harassment campaign in New York called "Stop Telling Women to Smile."

So now all of y'all can run "uncanny valley" "resting b***h face" and "stop telling women to smile" through your search engines to see what I'm on about!