I'm supposed to know everything already somehow .

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I program these things for a living. What, specifically, do you need help with?

...Someone to personally , yes , sitting beside me , answer questions/help me/show me what to do .

You've never said what kind of phone you have. Someone would have to be familiar with that phone before they could help you anyway.

I have no clue about cell phones either - I can barely use a regular phone.

My dad (who is an actual rocket scientist) spent hours today, trying to figure out how to get my mom's android phone to work, with frustrating results. I think some of them are just really poorly designed, and it's not the user's fault.

Android phones/devices are not hard to use or teach people to use. Most people don't even use half (or more) of the features on their Android devices. The basics would be very easy to teach a person.

I'm surprised that there are no free classes or income-based classes in your area to learn basic Android OS. Maybe even just a salesperson in one of the stores for whichever carrier you go with could show you some stuff.

I would help but I live on the other side of the country.

Your dad isn't alone--there are lots of people who used be really good at technology and can't figure out the new stuff.
In the old days, one would study the manual--these days one just plays with it until it works.

What makes things really tough is that some software is really amazing, while others, well, could be improved by some kid. But, I have an idea that may help--how much money is available for making the app you are using? It is some startup with big time venture capital funding? Or some little non-profit?

...I'm presuming that , at least low-end/cheaper ones , would end to nbe the same .
Can't someone help me ?
PLEASE ?
I'M NOT ASKING FOR MONEY ! !! !! !! !! !! (or gifts , or a place to stay) I JUST WANT HELP TO HELP MYSEL !
I'm officially maybe going to die in less than a year , it's a stated possibility ~ Can't someone help me ? PLEASE .