Eye contact and people standing close/ touching

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19 Mar 2016, 3:23 pm

I know there are enough eye contact topics and this may have already been asked, but, does it feel to anyone else that eye contact is just way too intimate??

I mean it's intense and awkward, but would you use the word intimate too? I would.

Also, people standing close and doing the touching thing, even in a platonically friendly way, just feels intimate in a way that is inappropriate. It's creepy.

Does anyone else feel the same?



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19 Mar 2016, 4:47 pm

I never got the "overly intimate" feeling about eye contact. It just feels predatory to me, like that creepy look that Ted Bundy had. I do feel like the standing close or touching is overly intimate (like someone is trying to cop a feel), although that happens less now that I'm middle-aged and fat :)


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Edenthiel
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19 Mar 2016, 4:57 pm

For some reason it feels super intense - like a loud noise, sandpaper or a photo flash - but *for me* not intimate. I've never understood how people think that eye contact = some magical transference of the other person's emotions, other than overt social signals. By overt I mean things like: a woman making eye contact with a guy, holding it for a sec, then dropping her gaze in a submissive way. Or making eye contact and holding it as a show of dominance. Or quick glances accompanied by some subtle facial shift - the gaze indicates "this is important, it's a message" and then the quick expression change usually conveys a message, like a human emoticon.


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mr_bigmouth_502
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19 Mar 2016, 5:04 pm

Eye contact just feels awkward to me, and I *hate* it when people invade my personal space without my permission. I have my boundaries, and I like them to be respected.


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20 Mar 2016, 9:00 am

I have heard it described that way, but not often.

I am overly neurotypical and I get along well with autistic people. I get this "overly intimate" feeling if I look into an autistic person's eyes. Like I've accidentally peeped in on them getting dressed or in the bathroom. I try not to make too much eye contact when I'm speaking with autistic people, and will usually look somewhere else on their face. It can be distracting when we're trying to have a conversation.



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20 Mar 2016, 9:12 am

It doesn't bother me at all.

BUT

When strangers in public look at me or stand too close to me, it makes me really anxious.

Making eye contact with people happens subconsciously to me, but when passing strangers in the street eye contact suddenly becomes really scary and I become all conscious of it. Unless a stranger comes up to me to ask for directions or something.


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20 Mar 2016, 12:19 pm

I'm very protective of my personal space, and find people being too close to me very uncomfortable, especially if they are out of view. I feel almost like I can sense an "aura" around them that's interfering with mine - it feels like a physical sensation.

Eye contact does feel a little "over-familiar" to me - OK when there is mutual respect, but uncomfortable from people I know less well. However, mostly I find that if I get engrossed in speaking or listening, it's just that I completely forget that it is expected, and doing it distracts from my thoughts - I really have to consciously remember that other people consider it important, even after 40 years of practice.


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20 Mar 2016, 1:34 pm

Trogluddite wrote:
I'm very protective of my personal space, and find people being too close to me very uncomfortable, especially if they are out of view. I feel almost like I can sense an "aura" around them that's interfering with mine - it feels like a physical sensation.

Eye contact does feel a little "over-familiar" to me - OK when there is mutual respect, but uncomfortable from people I know less well. However, mostly I find that if I get engrossed in speaking or listening, it's just that I completely forget that it is expected, and doing it distracts from my thoughts - I really have to consciously remember that other people consider it important, even after 40 years of practice.


I feel the same thing when people are too close. For me it feels like an energy field, sort of the same feeling you get from putting your arm close to a blanket full of static electricity (except static makes me itchy and this aura feeling doesn't). The closer they are the stronger the feeling presses onto me, it makes me very uncomfortable. Also, the more comfortable I am with them the less of an "aura" they have. My only friend doesn't really have one as I feel very comfortable around her. Sometimes my mood alters my tolerance of this feeling as well.


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22 Mar 2016, 7:39 am

Edenthiel wrote:
For some reason it feels super intense - like a loud noise, sandpaper or a photo flash - but *for me* not intimate. I've never understood how people think that eye contact = some magical transference of the other person's emotions, other than overt social signals. By overt I mean things like: a woman making eye contact with a guy, holding it for a sec, then dropping her gaze in a submissive way. Or making eye contact and holding it as a show of dominance. Or quick glances accompanied by some subtle facial shift - the gaze indicates "this is important, it's a message" and then the quick expression change usually conveys a message, like a human emoticon.


I feel the same about the 'magic' transference of emotions. My boyfriend was talking about a meeting situation in work, in which he said he avoided someone's gaze so as to avoid 'soaking in' his emotion through his eyes, because it was negative emotion.

Perhaps that's why we feel so uncomfortable with eye contact, because we receive feelings yet the part of our mind that identifies these emotions lets us down, so it just computes as intense and awkward. .. ?



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22 Mar 2016, 7:48 am

SocOfAutism wrote:
I have heard it described that way, but not often.

I am overly neurotypical and I get along well with autistic people. I get this "overly intimate" feeling if I look into an autistic person's eyes. Like I've accidentally peeped in on them getting dressed or in the bathroom. I try not to make too much eye contact when I'm speaking with autistic people, and will usually look somewhere else on their face. It can be distracting when we're trying to have a conversation.


Wow, interesting to hear this from an nt's perspective.

I do wonder if my feelings are picked up on sometimes, because I am somewhat aware (mainly via logic) that those creepy/ awkward feelings are originating from this side. Damn, if nt's transfer so much emotion through eye contact I might start to do it even less. Eek. I can have all sorts of crazy riding through my mind when people are talking to me lol.

To top it off I have dark eyes that can be kind of piercing, especially when I'm tired.



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22 Mar 2016, 7:54 am

Trogluddite wrote:
I'm very protective of my personal space, and find people being too close to me very uncomfortable, especially if they are out of view. I feel almost like I can sense an "aura" around them that's interfering with mine - it feels like a physical sensation.

Eye contact does feel a little "over-familiar" to me - OK when there is mutual respect, but uncomfortable from people I know less well. However, mostly I find that if I get engrossed in speaking or listening, it's just that I completely forget that it is expected, and doing it distracts from my thoughts - I really have to consciously remember that other people consider it important, even after 40 years of practice.


Same here. I am telepathic and I also see and sense auras and energy fields. I moved bedrooms to the other side of the house because my bed was against the wall that separated me from my next door neighbours and I was sure I picked up on their energy fields through the wall, throughout the night while asleep, which sometimes tired me out and made me feel a little down.



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22 Mar 2016, 7:59 am

DaughterOfAule wrote:
Trogluddite wrote:
I'm very protective of my personal space, and find people being too close to me very uncomfortable, especially if they are out of view. I feel almost like I can sense an "aura" around them that's interfering with mine - it feels like a physical sensation.

Eye contact does feel a little "over-familiar" to me - OK when there is mutual respect, but uncomfortable from people I know less well. However, mostly I find that if I get engrossed in speaking or listening, it's just that I completely forget that it is expected, and doing it distracts from my thoughts - I really have to consciously remember that other people consider it important, even after 40 years of practice.


I feel the same thing when people are too close. For me it feels like an energy field, sort of the same feeling you get from putting your arm close to a blanket full of static electricity (except static makes me itchy and this aura feeling doesn't). The closer they are the stronger the feeling presses onto me, it makes me very uncomfortable. Also, the more comfortable I am with them the less of an "aura" they have. My only friend doesn't really have one as I feel very comfortable around her. Sometimes my mood alters my tolerance of this feeling as well.


I think that those I feel comfortable around do have auras, just ones that are more compatible with mine. I see them as vibrating at different frequencies and interfering with one-another in a similar way that sound waves interfere with one-another. When waves are harmonic they will increase in energy and feel freer and more peaceful .. etc ..



christophelambypie
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22 Mar 2016, 1:16 pm

I don't find eye contact particularly comfortable and the only eye contact that i give that isn't a incredibly quick glance, I like to save for that someone special in my life...
So in a way eye contact for me it is quite a intimate thing.