NTs and empathy

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Dang, you took the words right out of my mouth - and then you replaced them with even better ones!

AS people don't express empathy as a social tool - NT people use it as a social tool so much they even do so when they don't feel it at all but know they "should".

See? Your words, far better.

I don't think this this precludes you from having AS at all. I often see a different perspective too. Seeing things differently and logically is an AS trait.

Yes, it sounds like an AS trait. We can be both over- and under-sensitive to emotional stimuli.

I'm autistic, I don't do compliments well, I'd rather you argue with me, lol! But yes thank you for the compliment. Main point is that we both see the same thing: the old great minds think alike commonplace.

NO they DON'T! And you take complements JUST FINE! There, is that BETTER?

(Oh, now I feel like we are in the old Monty Python skit about paying for a 5-minute argument and stumbling into the abuse room instead)

The question is whether your knowledge that it is O.K. for that woman to make this fault comes intuitively and the reasoning why this is so afterwards, because you have been confronted with different reactions from others. Or whether you have analysed her situation after her fault, and then come to the conclusion that it is a permissible one.

Although my explicit reasoning could be easily the same as yours, I wonder whether your implicit reasoning goes further or not. It would be a little too abstract to just take into consideration abstract parameters (she has been working here for so and so long). I would have more a picture of the tea woman herself, how tired she looks, if I consider her rather as having trouble with adjusting to new situations, how I estimate her sense of orientation, how I consider the quality of her initial training. Plus I might get irritated from negative comments from some of my colleagues who I consider usually as quite empathetic, and maybe - depending on their mood that day - suppose that they might have any information I dont have (like for example that she had been told several times where to put the trolley.)

In any case, I would take your colleagues reaction with a grain of salt and would hardly use this as an example for explaining my frustration with unempathetic people (although I do experience that kind of frustration quite regularly in other situations). Their complaints about the tea lady s incompetence do not necessarily mean that they are really angry with her or think that she is dumb (unless they have attacked her personally or complained about her to a superior in order to get her reprimanded, but I guess they havent done this), it can also just express mostly their annoyance with not having a drink that they just now would have badly needed, plus a little with the company that does not provide a proper initial training of their service people. It is just an economic and strong enough thing to say: oh this stupid woman has put the trolley into the wrong room!



Yes, I would classify this as "emotional overwhelmedness" or hyper-emotionality. I am a little bit like that, too, definitely more than the average population, but not to that extreme.

The funny thing is that Aspergers tend to be at the extremes with pretty everything: either the cold-blooded surgeon who does not understand how someone can have problems with injections or seeing blood - or the hyper-sensitive person who nearly gets traumatized by a vivid description of something horrible. Either the person with the odd off-beat moves - or the terribly good dancer. Either the squalid sociopath that does not dare leaving his room - or the always gorgeous-looking socialite that sets fashion trends.

I have noticed that many NTs who should show empathy towards people with autism because they work with them lack this trait. My therapists (especially my former school supporter) have shown less understanding than my friends who only knew autism from the media (if they knew autism). Those who didn't understand didn't even try to understand my point of view. My friends and family would say things like "I don't get why you are doing this" or "it's not that bad" or "behave!" but in the end they would try to comfort me and encourage me. My therapists wouldn't do this. Another thing I have noticed is that many NTs I know aren't as compassionate as people with autism I know. God, I myself may have problems recognizing someone's feelings but if I do then I can't bare it. I... I think I hold a great compassion for suffering that is unbearable. I try to understand other's feelings - even though they don't try to understand mine. I try to be as tolerant and accepting as possible. Friends of mine who have AS think the same.

Idemash: You didn't post anything under the quote. Did the captcha eat your post?

My parents weren't very empathetic with me. They were very critical of my Aspie quirks & other mental & physical disabilities even thou they suspected me of being autistic sense I was a toddler & became aware of my other issues when I was young.