Now I know how important "Good Morning" can be!

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Angnix
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19 Apr 2016, 10:39 am

I found a local job I qualify for! Then they scheduled an interview! But then the interview was off. The reason: I was too "informal", they would email me and start with "Good morning", it was an unspoken rule I do the same. They said it was very important to them. I completely missed this... I only wrote in e-mails the direct answers to their questions. Seriously, I don't get a job over "Good morning?"

Possibly autistic thing?


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Earthling
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19 Apr 2016, 10:44 am

At least now you know better.
In the end it shouldn't matter so much why you do this, but rather that it's effective.



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19 Apr 2016, 10:54 am

I don't quite understand that either.
Like Earthling said, now you know.


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19 Apr 2016, 11:40 am

I'm sorry you learned this the hard way.

My parents were born in the 1930s and were raised in Catholic schools which literally "put the fear of God" in them. Basically for them, it was "be polite, follow orders, or your soul will go to Hell." Things were different when I grew up in the 1970s, but my parents remembered what things were like when they were kids. They taught me at a very early age to always say "Please" and "Thank You" when speaking to people. Years later, a co-worker taught me to use "Good morning" or "Good afternoon" in emails and phone calls to both clients and co-workers to make a good impression. At times, it felt like overkill, but I always did it, and never heard one person complain about my using those words.

Each written or verbal communication is an opportunity to impress someone and make them feel valued and listened to. Use friendly language like "please," "thank you," "good morning," or "good afternoon" whenever you communicate with a business person, PARTICULARLY if it's a potential employer -- unless you really don't want the job 8O

I'd go so far to say that if you ever found a potential employer that didn't appreciate you using such words, they're probably not friendly themselves, so you wouldn't want to work there anyway.


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CockneyRebel
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19 Apr 2016, 12:22 pm

Good Morning can have a very big impact.


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Newtothisall
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19 Apr 2016, 1:11 pm

I can understand what your talking about and have had my own interactions with this type of situation as well. For me it was about clothing. I once interviewed for a management job with a...let's say "alternative culture" food service company. The company always portrayed themselves as a laid back, more casual company. Upon going into the interview, although I was dressed as nice as I could have (I was rather poor, and rather proud, at the time) but I still didn't hit the dress code they were looking for. It was one of the most infuriating things I had ran into as far as my career has gone. To me, I didn't understand how someone was going to know, beforehand, exactly what they should wear to meet someone they've never met before. I always just assumed dress as nice as possible. Needless to say, I did get a job but not the job I interviewed for. I was told later, then denied later that this was the actual reason, it was specifically because of my clothing choice. Either way, I ended up coming to the conclusion that even though this sucks and is something that one simply ends up learning the hard way most of the time; It doesn't necessarily mean that they've done anything wrong.

As for this being an autistic thing...I don't know. I've only recently been diagnosed with Aspergers so, I'm still kinda learning myself.



Angnix
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19 Apr 2016, 1:45 pm

Since I posted that, yet another job asked for an interview... I responded formally and I got from that person "Great. chat soon", yes, that was the entire email, so I guess it depends on the company... but I do know what I'm getting into because I worked for the same company 10 years ago! I did parts of that job excellent and other parts not, so we will see.


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19 Apr 2016, 2:19 pm

That's sad to hear about you not getting the job.

Yes, things like Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening can have a very big impact on one's impression (especially if those people don't know you. When they're familiar with you, that might be different).
Since e-mails are just electronic mails/letters, I always use the knowledge they taught me in school, which is that a proper introductory sentence/greeting is required, like the "Good Morning" in your case. E-mails also seem to have a less formal status about them for most than real letters I noticed, but for official and important cases, like job-related e-mails, it's important to stick to the etiquette of how to write letters - at least in the casual to semi-formal letter way. Writing in a too formal style like in important letters (complaints about decisions and products and any interaction with state agencies are something I consider to require formal interaction) doesn't seem to be all too accepted in e-mail interaction I noticed (except for the cases I mentioned).

Those are my personal observations. I hope you will be able to make use of what you have learned from your experience and have less troubles from there on! :D


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Angnix
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19 Apr 2016, 2:48 pm

What's interesting to note is that the two jobs I mentioned above are similar in nature, teaching children about nature. Actually the people I used to work with, the first letters of their motto spelled out a dirty word, I wonder if they had to finally change it, lol. Job was great, but really informal people.


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Minionkitty
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19 Apr 2016, 2:54 pm

I've learned saying things like good morning, or good afternoon, are somehow important. And asking how someone is after they have asked you that question, seems to be important as well. When I was younger and didn't know that.. Well, it stopped a lot of conversations from progressing passed the person asking how I was.

Anyway, I'm glad you got another interview. Good luck!


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20 Apr 2016, 7:50 am

The "goodmorning" and "how-do-you-do" rituals are important. It means "I see you", "I hear you" - a bridge for recognition and communication. We all want to feel, that we are being treated like a person.


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Frankie_J
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20 Apr 2016, 8:54 am

That's strange. It's odd how neurotypical think repeating meaningless phrases just to offer fake politeness is necessary. Why not say something you mean?

Also, "good morning" isn't always true. Some mornings are horrible. Again, this neurotypical way of lying just because it's considered polite. I normally say something else in reply - like a simple "hello".

I think their reason was a bit harsh and a bit drastic! But this is the kind of weird world we live in. For example, in my last job I worked from home and had to communicate to a manager through email. This ended up causing us both problems because I would sometimes misinterpret what they would say and I would always be accused of being 'blunt' because I didn't say enough in the emails and would just skip to the actual point. I ended up being fired! Maybe it's the same for you. Maybe not saying "good morning" is being viewed as too blunt or rude. Maybe you just tell them sometimes you put things in a way where it could be considered rude, when really you never mean to come across that way.

It requires a bit of understanding on your part, but also understanding on their part too. There's no point pandering to them if they refuse to understand your possible autism could be behind the lack of greetings, etc.



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20 Apr 2016, 9:57 am

Yeah, I´ve been thinking the same - even though I was brought up like an NT, but reading a lot about transaction and having had my share of disastrous encounters, I acknowledge the importance of phrases - for the same purpose as animals use their tails.
There is no lying in it.
It is the same as green lights, yellow, or red lights. You have to observe them in order to avoid collision.

I do still catch myself taking phrases literal and answering rethorical questions, though :D


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Frankie_J
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20 Apr 2016, 10:09 am

Maybe not necessarily lying... but it's too scripted. The sayings are vacuous. To me, considering a vacuous phrase as important is illogical. I think people just consider getting straight to the point as rude because society is obsessed with small talk and a veneer of politeness.



Angnix
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20 Apr 2016, 10:19 am

They had this whole scripted email asking if Wednesday (actually today) was good for an interview and I replied with "Wed. is fine", basically I just went straight to the point. I wish someone would have taught me this, I literally was in social skills therapy as a kid, I need that as an adult, like finding a job skills therapy!


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Jensen
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20 Apr 2016, 11:09 am

...so it´s scripted. NTs use scripting too, but there´s a really long way from just politely saying "Goodmorning" at work to wanting to fill the day with small talk.


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