Burnout...

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The role I had the most success in was a very technical role. I was developing datasets and tools. My mind wants precision in everything, and being in too much of a business-focused role has surrounded me with ambiguity. Nobody uses precise language, the words they use they can't precisely define, the analysis we're asked to do is always cursory at best. In the technical role, I still dealt with that ambiguity, but people understood when I was persistent about being precise, they understood that I had to write code to tell the computer what to do, so I needed precision. In the more business-centric roles, my persistent questioning comes across as being difficult, or implying that they're wrong, or whatever, but it's not well-received. So the communication peice isn't a problem for me as long as the role requires precision. As for multi-tasking, I have limited tolerance for it; I can cognitively force myself to do it, but it leads to burnout every time, so I need a role with minimal multitasking. Although, that's a relative. I was a math teacher and taught three different subjects, but it didn't feel like multitasking because they were all familiar. As a software developer, you're always writing code. Maybe you have two projects going on at the same time, but it's all the same task: designing and writing code. In the same sense, it's also predictable, so there's that routine as well.

That sounds like a wonderful job and I hope you find it. My experience as a programmer for nearly 30 years is different.

The meetings were endless, the fuzzy requirements were in flux, management would make impossible promises and the fire fighting was brutal.

I don't want to discourage your dream. All jobs have a high shovel the crap factor.

My greatest joy was when I was building my own systems or doing a new product launch. When a good project was over I went looking for another. If none was to be found, I self funded my own. When the money got low I would take a tour of duty at a hedge fund.

The job I described was one that I had, until I left for a "growth opportunity". That job wasn't perfect, nor will any job be. Im just saying that I have strengths and weaknesses and I'm convinced there are jobs out there that are a better fit for me than what I have now. I know programmers get heavy workloads, and since humans are involved, specs will be in flux. I suppose I could let those things get me down and just live the rest of my life in a van down by the river. (<- Chris Farley reference! ). Whatever job I deem to be the best fit for my skill set, there will be negative aspects. I just think that software development is the job BEST suited to my skillset; it won't be perfect.

Btw, that great job I had, I was building stuff that I was designing myself, which as you said doesn't get any better.

Yes, we never know what we have until it is gone.

You know what you want and I hope you find it.

I'm not at this moment in time but in the past I have burned out.

The thing about it is is that I didn't know what was happening and couldn't put a name to it.

It is only just recently that I have been thinking about these things because I am trying to protect myself from it happening again. so I was researching about it.

The good thing is is that my manager at work is fully aware of my diagnosis now so I think I might be able to go to him if I need to.

It has only been in this last few years that I have realised that I have been working hard to "pass" anyway. I think I have to because I have no one around me to offer any kind of support or protection and also I am the only person who my daughter has to protect her as well.

I think it is important to sometimes reach out and try and tell people but it takes a lot of courage for me to do that because I am afraid of feeling even more vulnerable.

I think of burnout as the end result of a form of long term self harm, if a person has limited resources and they use all of those resources to the maximum all the time it would take very little to stretch the person too far.

Sometimes though people just dont have a choice, especially if you are older and you made long term decisions based on the belief that you just needed to work harder than others did.
Babybird, to be a protector for others, you do have to care for yourself as a priority, a basic rule in many caring professions is to prioritise self-care and self-awareness. Dimensions of wellness and self care areas

I do often worry about burnout, to the point where I wonder if I'd even be able to tell if it was happening or if it already is.

I can't just... not try to pass. The behaviors have become a part of my personality now, a part of me. I don't know how to behave like I'm autistic anymore, and when it happens anyway I feel disturbed by it. It's like someone else is controlling me. So I keep just acting NT, and it keeps my nerves pretty frayed.

I'm under 24/7 stress either way, so... I dunno... f*** it.

I've been working in software development and data analytics for many years. Most corporate work environments are toxic. I've ended up starting a small consulting business and am now one level removed from the daily insanity. Working as an independent contractor can be as bad and stressful as being employed. If you can find a couple of compatible and adequately experienced peers, creating your own business may be much healthier, in particular if you can identify a market where you can negotiate the scope of engagements at eye level, so that you are in full control regarding the way in which the work gets done, with all assumptions and constraints clearly spelled out right at the outset.

Being an employee or individual contractor is almost a guarantee for burnout. Often the work is just busyness, keeping the lights on, or shipping yet another shoddy product. You know that what you are asked to do will not address any problems at the root or lead to any useful products for customers, and yet you are expected to put in long hours, and even lead by example so that others follow down the same insane route.

I totally relate to this.

I'm pretty sure I'm experiencing burnout right now. I'm not sure when it started because I feel like I have forced myself through life and just gone through the motions most days of my adult life. I have experienced burn out a few times in life and managed to pull back before complete breakdown each time.

I'm now at the stage where I'm feeling completely traumatised and thinking of (but in no way planning) suicide after an average day at work. The thing that seems to be pushing me towards the edge is the noise where I work. I work with disabled people and in the home I'm working in at the moment, all 3 residents want music on all the time. They have music TV or radio on 24/7 even when they are asleep.

There is never a moment of peace and I don't get a break. The adverts are on so frequently and I keep turning them off and then the silence will cause people to start screaming. So the adverts go back on. Often different channels coming from different bedrooms, plus 2 baby monitors recording the noise too and a resident who gets kicks out of turning his tv up to full blast repeatedly. A woman that screams much of the day as part of her condition. Staff chatting about nonsense. Constant pressure to pick up extra shifts (me constantly saying no and having to turn my phone off most of the time when off work)

Just having to listen to the TV/modern pop for extended periods of time torments me and is utterly soul destroying. No one else seems to react this way. It kills me inside.

So yeah, I'm realising that 7 years in support work has left me absolutely frazzled and traumatised and I need to get the hell out of there. I called in sick this morning and I'm not going back. 2 week sick note then on to find some admin work.

The bad thing is my aspie partner is also experiencing burn out right now. He quit his job and is on sick. You can maybe imagine how much we are doing each other's heads in right now. Plus I have 3 trips abroad in the next 4 months and loads of other financial commitments. But if I don't stop that job right now someone is going to get hurt.

Yes I think autistic burn out is a very real and dangerous thing.

Are you just burned out from your job? Or is your job hurting you because of your Autism? This, to me sounds different from what is called Autistic Burnout. This sounds like a normal kind of burnout where someone is burned out from a particular specific thing that is outside of them like work. It changes when you leave the work.

Autistic burnout is different. It affects your entire ability to function. I think of the word systemic because of how profoundly your brain and neurological system are affected, thus affecting every part of you. And it happens because of something within you, basically the effort it takes to sustain yourself. The only way to recover is to change how you are behaving, you have to stop trying to do the things that make you pass as NT that are not natural for your brain and body to do, and to give yourself the time it takes to heal in an environment set up for recovery.

Last edited by skibum on 11 Jun 2016, 9:06 am, edited 3 times in total.

You don't burn out on one thing in particular. It's not like when you burn out because you are doing a particular thing, like a job, too long. It's a systemic burnout because your brain starts to stop functioning properly. It is because of cumulative stresses caused by the energy it takes for your brain to do things that it is not designed to do like act NT and pass for NT. The energy it takes to do that for Autistics can be astronomical and it depletes us so much. We don't realize how we are being that depleted until our brains have a breakdown and just stop and then we really go haywire.

One of my burnouts got so severe I could not understand how to eat or how to go to the bathroom. I was in absolute sheer terror when I went outside and walked down the street, I usually love being outside. I could not deal with any sensory input at all, not even a very little bit. I could not function at all. It was so scary that I thought that if I did not find a way to recover from this, I could die.

My body literally could not understand how to go to the bathroom. I would get to the toilet and sit and my body had no idea what to do next. That is when it got really scary. I had to have someone walk me through the steps of how to eat. It can get really bad. It is also possible to recover from a burnout and not be able to regain those basic skills as well as you had them before. And if it's severe enough and you have it happen often enough, you can even permanently lose those basic skills.



I don't usually know when I start one, like I can't tell when I am about to go into one, but now I know how to tell when I am in one. So if I find myself in one, I have to go into "all stop mode" and try to recover immediately. When I was a kid I lived in a state of perpetual on the fringe of burnout. I learned about this when talking to another Autistic friend who is very educated on the subject. I actually found him when I was in burnout because I was desperate to recover. Anyway, I was living with my parents so when I was completely depleted, I could just lock myself in my room and rest until I was better. But I would go through these cycles of mini burnouts regularly because I still had to go to school. But it really gets bad when you are older because your brain can sustain the NT appearance for a long time, sometimes decades. Usually people start to have much more serious and life impacting burnouts when they reach their thirties and forties.

Had burnout a couple of years ago. Then I got sick.

Yeah it happens, life just throws rocks at you... We all get over it though.

I was diagnosed after I graduated high school and I didn't go to collage. I also didn't receive any counseling(treatment) so I don't know how to "pass" anything.

To be honest,I have only tried for one year to pass as NT.
Never gonna do that again,I felt terrible each day I kept at it.I don't think I have burned out before,well at least that I remember.From some experiences here in the forum it's hard to forget such experiences with burnout I probably have never had one,for now.

Right on schedule, then!

Yes, even the more garden variety burnouts seem to become more frequent as I age.