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ocdgirl123
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27 Jul 2016, 1:00 am

I have some minor personal space issues. They were worse when I was a child. Anyways, I would get uncomfortable if people stood too close to me and would back away. It would make me uncomfortable if people tapped me on the shoulder. And I hated it when people hugged me (even my grandparents). The only people that I didn't mind being hugged by were my parents. According to my mom, I stood a little further away during conversations that most people would. Strangely enough, I never minded my hair being touched by friends or extended family.

This is strange because most people with autism tend to have NO sense of personal space. I guess I assumed friends wouldn't mind me touching their hair because I liked it, but that is it.


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aloevera
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27 Jul 2016, 10:17 am

I have always been like that too.
Can't stand people touching me, and I don't really understand any possible reason for them to do so, especially when the don't know me so well - which is in most of the cases. Hugs, especially, are a true pain for me as I feel physically ill, like if suffocated or something, it always seems like it will last forever, and I am not confortable with hand shaking either. I try to avoid it all the time, which makes people take me for a rude person.

When I was a child, my parents were the only ones that I could stand touching me, and I actually apreciated it. I remember my grandparents touching me, I was very close to them and I could not stand it at all. My grandmother used to call me something that could be translated to english as a 'jungle animal', and asked me many times how would I get a boyfriend one day if I could not stand other peoples touch.
Now I am (supposed to be) a grown up. I don't feel confortable with my parents touch. I can't stand no ones touch, except for my boyfriend and my son.

And at least with me this 'personal space issue' transcends the limits of my body. I can't stand people inside my bedroom either or touching my stuff without asking for permission first. Does this also happens to you?


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BirdInFlight
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27 Jul 2016, 11:11 am

I have a personal space issue but I can modify it when I know that I simply have to be in a crowded place, such as a rush-hour subway train or other crowded situations I know I'm going to be in. I still hate it but I kind of resign myself that I'm squished in with other people and none of us can maintain any personal space.

Where it drives me nuts, though, is when the situation is NOT crowded, and there's plenty of space for everyone to give each other that invisible 12 inches radius or whatever -- and still people don't!

I've been standing in the checkout line at a not very busy time to go shopping, and someone will just stand in line behind me all but pressing against my back!! Or walk past you THHHHISSSS close even though there was acres of space for them to give themselves and you a bubble of personal space.

I honestly believe that in London, UK, now, nobody remembers we used to give each other that bubble. Society has changed where I am and it's really odd how nobody does that anymore.

And this isn't even an autism thing. Psychologists long ago found that everyone in different cultures creates for themselves and others a certain radius of personal space, at least, they used to. Where I live now, it's gone to zero even when there's room for it. It makes me crazy.



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27 Jul 2016, 11:16 am

Same for me. I'm a wheelchair user and so people seem to think that because we're not face to face (as you would be if I was standing) they can get that much closer. It makes me feel so uncomfortable!



ocdgirl123
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27 Jul 2016, 12:11 pm

BirdInFlight wrote:
I have a personal space issue but I can modify it when I know that I simply have to be in a crowded place, such as a rush-hour subway train or other crowded situations I know I'm going to be in. I still hate it but I kind of resign myself that I'm squished in with other people and none of us can maintain any personal space.

Where it drives me nuts, though, is when the situation is NOT crowded, and there's plenty of space for everyone to give each other that invisible 12 inches radius or whatever -- and still people don't!

I've been standing in the checkout line at a not very busy time to go shopping, and someone will just stand in line behind me all but pressing against my back!! Or walk past you THHHHISSSS close even though there was acres of space for them to give themselves and you a bubble of personal space.


That's how I feel about it. I don't love it, but can tolerate it in crowds, but when it's not crowded, I hate it.

I also hate it when people sit next to me on the bus when there are many seats that aren't beside another person free.


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BirdInFlight
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27 Jul 2016, 12:21 pm

I know right?! :) It's one thing in a crowded place, but when there's plenty of room, uuuugh, why, people? :lol:



goatfish57
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27 Jul 2016, 12:25 pm

I have learned to handle it better with age.

Closeness in social settings is still difficult and can cause me to shutdown. For me it is all about feeling trapped. Subways and crowds are less threatening then overly friendly people.


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randomeu
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27 Jul 2016, 5:36 pm

yep, i stand further away then whats warranted, freak out when someone in my class touches me (but i don't exactly say anything most of the time, except when i don't want to be friends or at least on good terms with them, then ill go mental). but the WORST case of this is that i don't like being touched or being stood next to too closely, is my own father, can't stand being hugged by him or being stood that close next to especially by him. but yeah, personal space is a thing! i don't get how other people do it


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BirdInFlight
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27 Jul 2016, 5:55 pm

I just found this: "Proxemics - interpersonal distance"

That little circle in the middle, "intimate space"? All kinds of perfect strangers are right up in mine on a regular basis. 8O :? :evil: :cry:

I've wondered sometimes if it's because I'm short and without looking carefully someone can assume I'm just some kid in their way and don't need the respect of a bit of personal space, I dunno.



INTPnarwhal
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27 Jul 2016, 10:59 pm

This has increasingly been the case for me. I strongly prefer to have conversations with at least ten feet, even with family members. This distance is greatly reduced if we are sitting and not facing each other but still conversing, however. I can't explain why.



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28 Jul 2016, 2:05 am

I have always had this issue and it is worse with age.


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eggheadjr
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28 Jul 2016, 2:34 pm

I've always had person space issues - I've always thought this was an autism thing...


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adoylelb90815
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28 Jul 2016, 5:18 pm

I've had that issue as well, where I can tolerate things like a crowded subway or elevator, but when there's plenty of room, I get uncomfortable when someone gets too close.



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28 Jul 2016, 5:35 pm

aloevera wrote:
I have always been like that too.
Can't stand people touching me, and I don't really understand any possible reason for them to do so, especially when the don't know me so well - which is in most of the cases. Hugs, especially, are a true pain for me as I feel physically ill, like if suffocated or something, it always seems like it will last forever, and I am not confortable with hand shaking either. I try to avoid it all the time, which makes people take me for a rude person.

When I was a child, my parents were the only ones that I could stand touching me, and I actually apreciated it. I remember my grandparents touching me, I was very close to them and I could not stand it at all. My grandmother used to call me something that could be translated to english as a 'jungle animal', and asked me many times how would I get a boyfriend one day if I could not stand other peoples touch.
Now I am (supposed to be) a grown up. I don't feel confortable with my parents touch. I can't stand no onadvicech, except for my boyfriend and my son.

And at least with me this 'personal space issue' transcends the limits of my body. I can't stand people inside my bedroom either or touching my stuff without asking for permission first. Does this also happens to you?



I have issues as well, although I have a loud boisterous family whom frequently had social gatherings and I would receive a lot of physical contact (which I'm sure made me be able to tolerate it more) I still have problems with close talkers and prefer a little distance in conversations and I truly am uncomfortable with people touching me and it makes me cringe and I usually pull away a little, which they notice and are a little hurt, even with my own parents and now that I realize it, I even was uncomfortable with hugs from my ex and we lived together for 7 years.

I truly am sorry that physical contact can make you feel physically ill, I wish I knew advice to give you. I try and remember that people care about me and want to touch me, and not everyone gets affection, so that makes me feel better.



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29 Jul 2016, 7:42 am

Quote:
And this isn't even an autism thing. Psychologists long ago found that everyone in different cultures creates for themselves and others a certain radius of personal space, at least, they used to. Where I live now, it's gone to zero even when there's room for it. It makes me crazy.

I seem to recall it being a politeness thing too - even in a supermarket or library, if someone was standing looking at a product / book, you went away and looked elsewhere then came back when they were gone.
Today I had some woman literally standing next to me and bending her head in front of me to look at something I was looking at, essentially getting right up in my space.
Maybe I'm old fashioned but I consider that rude. Back the hell up. I don't like proximity at all because I am one of those stereotypical autistics who hates being touched, and proximity carries the threat of being touched.
If in a crowded place like a city train, I will tolerate closer proximity because the necessity of it is not as much of an infringement / sign of rudeness, it's a must. But still won't tolerate strangers touching me in these circumstances either. What's wrong with giving people a bit of space, and not touching another person's body without permission?
Seems obvious to me.


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BirdInFlight
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29 Jul 2016, 12:51 pm

C2V, yes exactly, it seems to be that there's more rudeness in this form now. I too get people in a supermarket standing riiiight next to me, as close as only a really intimate friend or spouse or family member would, and they reach right in front of my face to get something, their arm almost touching my nose, and don't even say anything like "Sorry just getting this" or "Excuse me."

It's like I'm invisible or that I don't matter somehow. In my book it's just common courtesy not to invade someone's space if it's not strictly necessary, or if you think you must, to just say something to acknowledge that you're sticking your arm in their face!

I too can tolerate it on a crowded bus or train, but these other times, it's bizarrely discourteous, in my book.