Finding it hard to understand my Dad

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Hello everyone.
I wondered if you could help me work out my dad.
He has never mentioned about being diagnosed with autism, nor would I even ask him, I would be to scared. He lives a few hours away and I see him a few times a year, but I find him hard to bond with and I have no idea if he even likes me. Do any of the following traits seem familiar? It would help if someone could relate so I might have a better indication of why he is the way he is.
He is professional, and no-one would probably realize he is any different if you didn't spend much time with him.

- He is quite aloof, very serious and scientific.
- He never asks 'How are you?' or says nice things like 'I'm proud of you, 'I can't wait,' 'Good Luck' or 'I love you.'
- He finds it hard to difficult to accept any opinion other than his own. Which is quite surprising when he proudly tells people, with conviction, he believes in inter-dimensional aliens based on studies he has read.
- He never ever gives affection - whether that be compliments, sympathy or hugs. He does sometimes find eye contact tricky. Although I've seen him angry when I was a kid (e.g. spanking, being told off for bad table manners), I've never seen him openly be jealous, sad, stressed, scared or even cry. His mood is fairly stoic and wooden but he starts telling amusing jokes after alcohol. He will inform me of people passing away, health scares and scary events by email. Death is fairly trivial to him, I get upset when people die but he is very unemotional about it.
- He has never been openly been in a relationship that I know of since my mum, and that was decades ago.
- His opinions are very scientific and again lacking in emotional and heart. He is never nostalgic, thoughtful, relatable, caring, descriptive, personal, supportive, engaging, sensitive or unpredictable. I'm not going to lie, I have been jealous of other people's dads, but such is life. As a child, I would often come back home after staying with him usually injured as a result of his carelessness and lack of worry. He was never keen on the prospect of children, and has never had much clue on how to be a parent. My mum brought me up, and he often told her how to do so, yet made very little input himself.

This may sound like I don't like him, but I genuinely care for him and it would be nice if I can understand him better or what I could do in this situation. I am aware it's not right to internet diagnose someone, but I'd appreciate any ideas?

Obviously, we can't "diagnose" anybody over the Internet. You know this, though.

As for speculation:

Yes, your father does seem Aspergian, based on what you wrote.

I wish you had a better relationship with your dad. Mine with my dad is pretty superficial; I'm lucky, though, in that he does show affection.

How does he actually make a living?

Thankyou, yeah I'm not asking for a diagnosis, just an idea or indication so I can have a better relationship with him.

He works in sciences, and I'm pretty sure he is very thorough and good at it.

I would say he, at least, fits some of the profile for Asperger's.

I would try not to get too upset if he's insensitive. It's not you, it's probably him.

Wow, that's a big wall.

Did he have a bad childhood? Was his father supportive of him? It sounds like he is only concerned with his work. Perhaps he doesn't feel happy unless he is wrapped up in something important. There are times when I feel like all I want to do is have a job and hide in it. He might be more sensitive than you understand. He may even have deep, complicated problems with being a parent and he just doesn't know how to express it.

I would suggest asking your mother everything you can about your dad. Try to find something that could open him up. Maybe there's something that he likes a lot that he is actually emotional about, and you can talk to him about it or give him something related to it. I know this might sound strange for the child to do it rather than the parent, but you may need to reach out to him in order to get him to truly understand that you care. Since you all don't spend much time together, he may feel like you're not even interested in him. Your relationship may need something very special in order to flourish.

I should have thought of the above.

Excellent advice.

Sounds a lot like my dad, who was a math professor. I don't have any words of wisdom; rather than getting him to show more interest in me I learned to accept him the way he was. You can have a happy life with people who love you, but you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip, and that sort of is how your dad sounds, to me.

I saw him every few years until his death. The traveling almost always was done by me (at my expense). He did seem glad to have me visit, but that's as far as it went.

It could be schizoid personality disorder instead.

There are many other traits besides being asocial and unemotional, though. Does your father have a special interest, like trains or World of Warcraft or Pokémon or computers? Is he shy? You know, social anxiety? Does he have what we call a "stim", like flapping his hands or rocking? Was he one of the nerd clique in high school? Is he unable to read body language? Is he naive or gullible? Does he take things literally? Does he need routine in his life and show real aversion to any kind of change? Does he have sensory issues, like disliking clothing tags or certain fabrics or bright lights or loud noise? Can he hear noises others can't?