Aspergers is not an excuse.

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Well done on you!

I have never seen AS an excuse for things, but rather as an explanation for why things might not always be the same for as for NT peers. But, I have done well in my life even so, considering there were many extra obstacles besides AS in my life and I was late with getting awareness of AS anyway.

Keep on doing what you're doing and enjoying your time!

One thing I would like to point out is that the autistic brain tends to be slow in developing and or pruning. As a consequence of this slow development goals that may not be achievable at the age appropriate time may be achieved at a much later time in life. Some things though may never develope as expected. It is always better for parents & teachers to focus on the strengths of their autistic child or if an adult vocational training should be focused on strengths much more so than weeknesses. Weaknesses that relate to achieving goals directly related to achieving vocational success in their area of strength though do need to be addressed.

Unfortunately for me my strengths were intentionally limited by those around me that should have been helping me to achieve those things that my strengths should have supported. That is not to say however that I am not grateful to have come as far as I have.

I still have some goal that I may be able to achieve given the proper support. It won't be easy though. Getting past my extreme anxiety due to PTSD related to my difficulties in math are defiantly not easy for me to overcome. I emotionally relive the beating I took for my difficulties in algebra whenever math comes up that I haven't learned fully yet. Math that I've already learned properly up to that point I am comfortable with though I am slow due to slow processing speed.

i do not need an excuse, i'll do as i please and you will perish if you countermand me.
just keep clear and you will be OK.

I did and do not give up, and never will. I struggled and managed to graduate, and will get a second degree, hopefully. But other people can't, because they need more help and support than I do and they're not getting it or have never gotten it for one reason or another. I'd never tell them they're using their autism as an excuse. So, as thumbhole said, not everyone manages to achieve the same things in life and the title of the thread and the "using AS as an excuse" was particularly triggering because many of us hear that "don't make excuses" mantra all the time from family and friends, from people who are supposed to support us, from NT society as a whole. There are better ways to convey a positive message on this forum. This did not sound like a positive message at all. More like a lecture.

I don't go to parties often, not at all, but it was my best friend's graduation and I wanted to go. I just didn't expect what came after that, cause it wasn't planned. I ended up being stuck in a situation where I could not escape, and got insulted when I said I wanted to be left alone to sleep when they took me back home. Feeling pressured was what made me explode violently. I couldn't wait going home and just because I didn't complain or say anything cause of social pressure, friendship, being introverted (there were people I didn't know), etc it doesn't mean I didn't feel bad inside. I might lose friends for crap like this someday. It is scary. The last thing I'd want to hear is that I use my sensory issues as an excuse to not do things.

In fact....I had a meltdown and cried at home and I still feel sh***y.
I usually manage to have a pretty good self control, after all, but other people on the spectrum don't or still haven't mastered the skill, so they might find themselves being dumped by friends all the time because they snap at people much more easily than I do.

It's just MY experience, my own experience. Others struggle to maintain friendships or to attend college. I'd never tell them they use their disability as an excuse. Instead, I'd give them tips, offer to share the skills I learned without being a total dick saying they're just finding an excuse if they fail. If we folks on the spectrum don't help each other kindly, without jumping to inflammatory conclusions like "you're making things up" or "you are using autism as an excuse", who will?

Still, as thumbhole says, being optimistic while having ASD is hard, at least for me. I'm scared someday I'll be lonely, jobless and miserable. I get scared, because I know that I am mentally unstable, besides being on the spectrum, not to mention being lgbt so more likely to face discrimination and rejection or even violence. I fear myself and society. I fear the world. What if I won't be able to keep jobs because of my ASD needs? I get very paranoid about this stuff to the point of getting panic attacks. The last thing I wanted to hear is another aspie telling me I shouldn't use my disability as an excuse, as if everyone is the same way or has the same luck in life. I am receiving zero support for autism, as I'm still waiting for a complete assessment.

The way he worded things and the title itself is absolutely triggering. He sounded like those NTs who constantly tell us we are finding excuses when we say we have a hard time doing certain things like socializing or looking for jobs.

Not every aspie can do what you can do, and they shouldn't hear other aspies acting like dicks and using the same words NTs use to denigrate us and mock us.
"Excuse" is something I hear a lot from NTs, something WE all hear a lot, all the time and if you don't, then great, you have nice people around you. For some of us, the title is incredibly triggering though.

That said, ashbashbeard, congratulations. I do sincerely hope you'll be ok.
It's not a personal attack against you, but more like a rant because the title itself and the "using AS as an excuse" part was very triggering.

Besides attributing success to luck, there is also a tendency on wp to blame everything that goes wrong in one's life on autism.
All bad things are caused by autism, never by oneself.
Lack of progress is due entirely to autism, never to oneself.
I believe that autism can and sometimes does make significant contributions to things that go wrong in one's life, problems with people, lack of progress, etc.
But just as one's own actions and decisions make big contributions to successes and dealing well with problems in life, so does these make big contributions to failures and creating or continuing problems.

Several years ago, there was a thread topic about autism and vacation preferences, so I posted mine. Well, apparently, I was just having too much fun as an Aspie or was seen as too high-functioning or something ... So my post was simply deleted by some moderator or other without any advance warning to me. I never found out who deleted it nor was I given any explanation. So I left WP for a rather long time ... several years, I think. During that time, I frequented forums where I felt more comfortable and free sharing my more creative side and who I am.

I would probably be more popular around here if I posted more about my struggles, failures, and the negative things that happen in my life ... But you know what? I prefer to focus on the good things. The bad is really nobody else's business.

I have, along the way, learned to keep the really extraordinarily good news, as well as the really bad news, about myself hidden, private, and not to be shared here on Wrong Planet ... except in a Private Message to someone I trust.

So if I come across as guarded sometimes ... yes, there's a reason for it.

And yes, life is short ... best to use the time wisely.

I think it might be a good idea to create a dedicated forum on this site for autistic success stories and approaches that autistics use to get through life, together with a policy that disallows invalidation and negative comments. In such a forum it would be nice if readers had functionality to tag/rate posts with "a similar approach works for me as well", "sound's great, I'll give that a try", and "well done". This kind of functionality would encourage constructive comments and discourage the opposite.

Over time we would end up with an extremely useful collection of approaches that work well – at least for some autistics – based on first hand accounts. This would be a first step towards an autistic culture.

A dedicated forum may be essential to weed out invalidation and toxic commentary. Anyone who is currently in a bad state then has the option to ignore the "success stories" forum, and avoid feelings of frustration.

Lastly, members should still be encouraged to post positive stories on other forums, but depending on the state of mind of some readers, there will always be some risk of attracting toxic feedback.

That thread should have Sticky Status!

Years ago I was accused of insulting members here. I am not sure what I did. I don't go around calling people names or being Cruella De Vil or being nasty to people unless they were nasty first. I figured years later it was just a gaslighting technique that person was using on me and now I wonder if it was because I posted about my success on here and how I overcame traits to be a better person and to make my life easier. There was another member here who would always give advice to people here to help them overcome their limitations but she was also accused of insulting members here.

I remember in my autism group I was talking about getting over the hurt feelings and not letting the bad people ruin your day and talked about my experience and how sensitive I used to me and my dad telling me on the road "Don't worry about those as*holes" and I got some criticism for it. I got sympathy too like how I got all this negativity and being told to get over it because that was like telling someone to stop being near sighted. I never knew being too sensitive and not getting over it was an autism thing (we were talking about processing emotions differently than regular people). I always thought this was an anxiety and OCD thing and that was why I was in therapy to get over the hurt feelings and move on so I told this member who was seeing an autism therapist if it's possible he can have him help him overcome this stuff so he wouldn't have hurt feelings anymore and not dwell on the past. Was I being insulting? I was just trying to give out advice here and talked about my success.

I'm not going to apologise for my title. It is not my problem that it bothers you.

AS is really hard to live with, that I can attest to. But it should never stop you achieving your own personal goals.

As for special schools - they do not sound as helpful as people think. You're literally treated like you're mentally disabled, without any proper support. I definitely have cognitive issues with socialising etc, but it was humiliating to be assumed that I lacked any sort of intelligence on such a systematic level. It left me unprepared for everything else, rather than be of any help. Being at home twiddling thumbs would have been better.

I actually don't agree with this. Limiting what people can/cannot say will also make a toxic environment. Having made various forums myself, and being involved in other AS forums, I know this all too well from experience.

I hear you, I have been on forums where mods would limit freedom of speech and I have seen members pissed and leaving the forum for it and complaining about it elsewhere. I go to one forum sometimes and they decided to make it 18 plus after an incident happened there. So all the minors were banned and can't return until their 18th birthday but yet the owner still wants to keep everything PG-13 despite that we are all adults there and it's now an adult forum and even though ABDL is considered a fetish, they don't want any AB/DL stories there they feel are too sexual. Not everyone is happy about it. But I say "his forum, his rules so he gets to decide what he wants on there. Don't like it, don't contribute to that place." But IMO that place has gone to s**t so I am not as active there and it seems less active anyway.

I don't need any place where people have to limit what they say to suit me.
It is fine for people say what they want within the forum rules of no personal attacks.
I prefer free discussion, not echo chamber.

My mother constantly tells me to "stop using Asperger's/Autism as an excuse for... (insert here whatever it is she thinks I did wrong or what I messed up or forgot)". She has also said that Asperger's is just an excuse I use because I don't care. This is totally not true. We just got in a big argument about this a few days ago. My mother seems to be of the belief that most mental conditions are just excuses to be lazy. I was also told to stop using my condition as an excuse by a professor in college (I filed a discrimination complaint). I just wish NT's would understand that Asperger's really does make life hard and is a real thing!

I'm the opposite. I deny my Asperger's and try to find other reasons for any Aspie behaviour or I get ashamed and depressed.