Can autism get worse or did I catch a mental illness?

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Is running around in circles a form of stimming?

Over the past several years, in my house I have created a kind of loop, which I run around whilst listening to music.

Let me understand. Did you say you are working 2 days, 4 hours each day? Or was it 4 days, 2 hours each day?

I'm having a hard time understanding why this is not working out for you. Possibly you're having a post-traumatic physiological response from when you did burn out working full-time, years ago. The same stimuli (type of work, workplace atmosphere) that were associated with that, then would be haunting you even though not burned out yet.

Not doing your mindfulness meditation in the mornings might have something to do with it. I'll bet there's a way to work that in again, possibly after work instead of before.

Thanks , I grew up with the spectrum , just don't know if I'm on the spectrum

That absolutely looks like stimming to me

Turn your webcam off Jake

2 days of 4 hours each. It's so little I am having trouble understanding why it's so hard for me.

I am also having a hard time working out why this isn't working, I want to work and earn money again, but I'm not responding in a way I expect. It certainly seems to point to post-traumatic. Hypervigilance. Super heightened senses. That doesn't go well with autism and overstimulation. There was stuff happening at my old job that I now know to be textbook examples of workplace bullying.

I've been given a different desk temporarily and there's constantly people walking behind me, and I have to look behind me to see if they've started talking to me, or moved on. I wear headphones so I am less distracted by the noise, so I can't rely on my hearing to tell.

Of course people should get my attention and make sure I take off the headphones first, but I'm probably expecting my colleagues to act in the same passive-aggressive manner as they did at my last job.

My desk was moved, and will be moved again, because of the few hours of work a week, which I was told doesn't warrant a dedicated personal desk.



I certainly like to pace around the house. People tell me it comes across as restless but it's something I start doing automatically, just like biting my fingers.

Asparagus, you need to inoculate yourself against bullying. Please try to form a few alliances at the job, friendships and a mentor relationship. Remind yourself that you can get through this. Be openly friendly to co-workers, not that I expect you to hang out with them, but learn names, say "how's it going," and compliment people there occasionally (clothes, nice car, good job on a presentation, funny joke, etc.). This may seem like a tall order, but if so, start small.

I was bullied at my last job but I outlasted both of my tormentors. It's a good feeling to know that those petty people can go their own way and you can go yours. They did not do me any lasting harm.

I'm going to suggest you also give yourself some affirmations. Things like "I know I can rise above this." Then add some mini-meditations to your day. Although it's usually recommended you do 20 minutes in one session, you can also meditate during your commute, while waiting for the elevator, or while waiting for your print job to finish. Choose a mantra that seems to work well for you.

I hope this helps. Let us hear back!

You may also be having some anxiety about having a breakdown, a defeat, and a loss of self-esteem, if this job does not work out for you. Figure out how to change your expectations in view of your current understanding of yourself.

Is it boring or unrewarding? If so, it can require substantially more energy (something about dopamine and executive function), perhaps what you would expend 40-50 hours a week on something you enjoy. This would be one explanation for why you're requiring so much time to recover.

I was actually looking foward to learning new things, but right now I'm already frustrated from having to use Mac OSX, which I had never used before. I had not expected it to be so vastly different from Windows or Linux, especially with regards to how the keyboard works. It's not so much having to learn new hotkeys, it's having to unlearn old ones. Because at home I use Windows and Linux, so I fall right back into my old hotkey habits. There are a few options to make it act more like Windows, such as swapping the control and apple keys, but despite that I still find it really frustrating to use.



At my old job, it was a relatively small company and the biggest bully was the manager and shareholder. There's no bullying going on at my new job. I'm having real trouble understanding why I'm responding as if there is, it might very well be something post-traumatic related. I think it's actually a really nice place to work, the people seem friendly.

There are no appropriate moments for making small talk however, given that I am already on my way home again by the time it's lunch break.

Changing your platform and operating system can be really disorienting. Give yourself time. Glad to hear there is not any bullying so far. But your mental effort to program is not helped by the novelty of the OS.

Yeah I haven't really gotten to the point of learning a new programming language yet. I was told I was allowed to install Linux if it was too frustrating, so I did just that, but when they saw me using it, I was told that it wasn't allowed. I'd prefer more clarity up front, so I don't waste time doing something I have to undo later.