What are the psychological consequences of "passing" as NT?

Post Reply New Topic

Looking for your input.

i think persistent anxiety, chronic dissociative and/or existential issues and recurring and/or unexplained exhaustion and/or psychosomatic illnesses are probably common consequences

Expanding on the above post which was made as I was typing this

When one does that it is usually requires constant effort. There is a constant unrelenting fear of bieng "found out". This makes one stressed and exhausted which increases the chances of making a mistake. The exhausted person trying to pass feels the mask slipping away and thus doubles down on the effort to pass making him or her more tired and stressed.

This catch 22/negative loop could lead to a number of serious problems.

Think of a machine that has too much electricity flowing into it. The machine could explode or catch fire, the rough autistic equivalent to that is a meltdown, the overtaxed machine might grind to a halt, the rough autistic equivalent to that is burnout.

Crippling anxiety is pretty obvoius. Depression can occur from seeing everybody else appearently doing things naturally that is so difficult for you.

Derealization/Depersonation type issues can occur when one loses sense of self. It gets hard to tell the difference between the real you and the fake you trying to pass.

I, as somebody who's been diagnosed with Asperger's since I was 10, often get told that I can pass as a NT because, for the most part, I've learned the rules by now. I think the worst part is that you're often paranoid that people will think you're lying about your diagnosis because of that.

I believe that my chronic daily migraine condition was a result, in part, of years of passing as normal. All that stress on my body. Something had to give eventually.

One of the things I can think of is when people don't understand you and accept you. You are singled out and an outcast and people ignore you or treat you badly. As a child, the worst you had to face is being picked on and an easy target and none of the adults taking you seriously. Instead they tell you to ignore it so you learn after awhile to not get an adult when kids are bothering you and you try and deal with it on your own.

Yes I realize this can happen to NT children too but usually because they are also different because they come from a poor family or are gay or transgender or like something other kids find socially unacceptable or because they also have sensory processing disorder so they might be wearing clothes that are unusual or wearing the same types of outfits or because they have a learning disability or a speech disorder.

Also another thing is because people think you are "normal" they expect more from you so they have higher expectations so they think you are doing things on purpose or being willful ignorant or playing dumb or might think you are doing things to make them mad or to be an ass. They might even think you are manipulative.

No one takes you seriously.

When you really need help, it's not there because you've been so good at pretending all along that everyone thinks you're fine and can manage perfectly well. So when you start to stumble, everyone's confused and/or annoyed at you. People don't try to understand you or your struggles because they think you are exaggerating or outright lying.

It starts to chip away at your self esteem over time, and you begin to wonder if you're making the entire thing up. Why can everyone else function seemingly normally, but you struggle with the small stuff? Surely there must be something wrong with you. Don't bother asking anyone because they'll just think you're crazy or being ridiculous.

For me, when I tried to pass as a NT, my life was just awful. I tried really hard to fit in with and be like others my age. It was very tiring and I think it made me stick out even more. I barely spoke because I felt like my Autism came out every time I opened my mouth. I hid my special interests from nearly everybody and I got very depressed because I felt like no matter how hard I tried, I still was an outcast and it hurt. Since embracing my differences, I feel much less depressed overall.

One big thing I'll add is a loss of identity. The first few times I discussed my passing on these forums I was told to "be myself" and I replied that I don't know how to do that anymore. I can't really "act autistic" anymore because years of habit make acting NT feel like normalcy to me, even if it's taxing on some level. For the most part, it takes effort not to maintain "passing" behaviors at all times, and they'll even come up when I'm completely alone.

I didn't value my identity as autistic before and still don't, so on some level I don't mind but I'm starting to worry about other consequences of this.

Possibly a lifetime of misery.

^ To be specific, torture, misery and pain.

And thus far, I might add, I don't think I've ever ran into any Aspie who was just an Aspie. Some are saddled with depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, mania, bipolar, ADD, ASHD, PTSD and so on.

Put all those things together and it's a wonder how any of us live past 30.

I am pretty much just an Aspie--I have a high paying job in my special interest

The neighbors know I'm different--they love all the flowers that bloom in my yard.

There's a term for these consequences: autistic burnout. Basically a mid-life crisis just for aspies. Hooray.