Communication shapes my actions but cannot shape ME

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I just realized that language itself is defined by how people view things outwardly. People use words to describe how they perceive others, but they don't use it to describe themselves.

I shape my behavior on the language other people use. But because the language regarding internal things like emotions has never had language properly applied to it, I literally do not understand emotions. See, emotions from other people are described by how they -see them in other people- NOT about how they feel internally.

For instance, I just realize that I self-pity. A lot. Yet I do not perceive any of my -actions- as self-pitying actions, because they aren't. There is such a disconnect between myself and my actions due to having my actions be so guided and literally controlled by others', that the action is no longer representative of the emotion. In trying to fit into the world of people who perceive and talk about themselves as if they are their mirrors whereas I cannot even see my own mirror and so my very thoughts do not map the way others' do, I have managed to make my mirror seemingly fit in through logical deduction, but -I am not my mirror-

Because language, and not just verbal language here, ALL language, strongly affects our very thoughts. I am a constant battleground of my internal experience versus the external world.

The constant -disconnect- between action and emotion is so jarring that whenever I experience pretty much any emotion, the extreme stress of the cognitive dissonance causes shut downs and meltdowns.

Do I sound as crazy here as it seems? Am I unique in this? Is this autism or do I just introspect too much? Does -everyone- experience this, ASD or not?