Sorry I have to ask this

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With the provision that I am not diagnosed, I'd like to point out that it's also possible to hide in plain sight, as long as you are doing well enough academically. There is a stereotype that intelligent children are supposed to be socially clueless, so people chalk it down to that.

I was always rubbish at lying, but I found out fairly soon that most people are easily distracted. I had a powerful motive for drawing attention away from any autistic traits; nobody likes to be made fun of, particularly for things they have no control over.

In busy environments I turn into a terrible busybody; it's either that or stimming and lack of eye contact, which does me no good. Afterwards I hate myself, but if you're going to get lots of attention anyway, it feels better to chose how it happens.

Also, if your parents grew up in households where people were unusual, they have no idea what is normal anyway.

I am the opposite because I didn't do fine academically and I was easily distracted but no one thought autism. Well the teachers did when I was real little and then I was older they thought learning disability. I also had social issues in school and behavior so my school thought I had a behavior and my mom said I did not have behavior. I did get easily upset in school and then AS was brought up finally in 5th grade. I felt pretty disgusted when I was 15 when I found my IEP stuff from elementary school and found my medical records from school so I then knew they knew I was different but yet still treated me the way they did. But because I look normal and look like everyone else, they didn't care.

I don't have intellectual delays, nor had any sort of clumsiness or something that wouldn't make my body obey my mind. Communication issues, probably. My social issues? I focus at the less superficial parts. I could perceive a BIT from NTs, and find few hints how to bridge through their assumptions.
How I got diagnosed? I never tried masking -- instead, I became more angry, hateful, frustrated and confused. It was never the first thing I had in mind. The only time I has, when I became anxious and depressed. Which never lasted long, since I didn't trained myself to script or become vigilant of body language or finding out what is 'appropriate'. Heck, understanding 'appropriateness' is a really new thing for me, despite my age (21) and experience (less than 6 years since isolation. Less than 4 years since my own... 'Human study')
In the real world, no one suspects most of my oddities thanks to the natives' colonial mentality and highly discriminatory assumption that they'd just dismissed me for someone from another ethnic than eccentric and naive, let alone an aspie or autistic. This has been the case, before AND after diagnosis.
So I barely have little or no need of 'masking' thanks to the inherent NT assumptions of seeing humans their socially relevant states. (Which, ironically, that's also why NTs sees autistics 'defective', 'disabled', 'odd', 'weird', 'suspicious', etc...) The instinct that some aspies are complaining or getting envious about and the very reason for masking.
This... Instinct is the reason why eye contact matters so much in some context, and also why it's not. This instinct is also why prejudice exists. Why homosexuality WAS a taboo? Why women were second class citizens? Why 'white privileges' and 'black discrimination' exists? Why there were nonsensical things that is considered collectively moral and immoral?
Autistics do not have this instinct of knowing 'context' like NTs and possibly several other types of NDs. And, sometimes, NTs don't actually want this instinct by trying to open their mind or mature.
MOST children do not have this instinct, and most matured people can bypass the instinct -- mostly, autistics are to be dismissed at the former.

There are so many reasons why autistics, especially aspies would choose to mask -- either because they wanna be like NTs to have things they want like achievements, relationships, even validation.
Or because humans are cruel that they prefer to be left alone, or be appear less vulnerable or a target.
Regardless of the 'disability', internal struggle or whatnot, which matters is that as long as it is 'invisible'.
For being a human, it's both -- so no one would perceive them as different. And different... Isn't a 'good' thing. NTs, or possibly any of those from any neurology would take masking -- it's also about shame and taboo, it's all about negotiations.

But there are very few, like me, who had figured out how to take advantage of the NT instinct by understanding it's local context. (very slowly, but surely by seeing it myself. No, I didn't studied it by reading about it) I can't help anyone in this forum on what I might've found out, because contexts between countries are different. Therefore, some norm 'here' could be taboo or wrong 'there'
Or at least, have my natural body language and expression dismissed too quickly or had found ways to be natural and be appropriate at the same time, which is rather complex even for the high functioning given most people in this forum had little or no opportunities in their respective circumstances.


TLDR:
I consider masking as a type of acting skill, less of a social skill. More like coping, more or less a maladaptive kind as it damages the psyche.
This is a human thing, when one's individual norm is considered as 'unnatural,' than being dismissed as norm, uniquely appropriate, or foreign.

Some aspies, hopes, that being an aspie would someday be 'uniquely appropriate'. I, for one, could care less -- I'm just being dismissed as foreign, most at the time.



I typed long, but does any of this made any sense? And it's 4:35AM here. And I feel a bit funny by eating too many chocolate cake slices and drinking liters of softdrinks because because NEW YEAR.

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Bieng born in 1957 parents and teachers did not have to tell me very often as those were my attitudes.

I think this is a good question. Every person is different, from one perspective.

I don't think any single physiological mechanism has been conclusively established as the cause of autism.

Each person seems quirky in her or his own way.

Maybe if you happen to struggle with social and sensory issues and prefer detailed focus, but otherwise appear "normal", then we call you HFA these days.

I was offered a DX, but decided to not make it official. Mainly since I'm old enough to have made it through the years when my different kind of normal made life a real struggle. I often wonder if I really "have it". The line between "normal" and different seems very fuzzy oftentimes.

Ah, all of this talk about stuff that happened during school days sure makes me remember alot.

I had a similar situation to some here... Was seen as lazy and anti-social, was bullied all the time, never talked to anyone (why would I want to?) and very clearly hated basically everything (which honestly hasnt changed, heh). Homework? Yeah right. Wasnt happening. Wasnt that I couldnt do it, or even just a matter of forgetting (though there was that). Mostly, I didnt CARE. All of these stupid subjects that they were trying to drill into our heads for nothing resembling a real reason. Why in the bloody hell would I ever need to know what happened during the Battle of Frog Mountain or whatever damn stupid fight it was each time? No interest! I remember I used to repeat to my parents (and others), over and over, that this stuff was totally useless and I'd never need to know it. I'd never USE any of this crap. School would end someday, and I'd just forget it all, because it was unnecessary to start with. They always tried to say that of course I would need it. Three guesses as to who was actually correct.

That I was doing things like learning computers entirely on my own (during the DOS era, no less) didnt matter worth a damn... no, all that mattered is that I didnt know why Chemical X added to Chemical Y explodes! Yeah, real practical stuff there!

Gym class was the absolute worst though. Sort of. I dont do sports. Never did, never will. Seems bloody stupid to me. And I dont deal with being pressured very well... which is to say that I'll react badly and basically do everything to force the opposite of what I'm being pressured to do. Which is what happened there... I just outright refused to do any of it. Stood around, didnt do anything. Heck, I remember one time when we were supposed to be doing some damn football game (American football) or something, and the ball for whatever stupid reason landed next to me. My reaction? Kick the freaking thing as hard as I possibly could (and I have very strong legs) in a totally random direction away from the field. They rather gave up after that. I ended up in a bit of a different program; Tuesdays and Thursdays I'd go out with a few others, on a bus, to a golf practice field (which is something I DID like, though I refused to call it a "sport") and do that for awhile. Which also led to the odd side effect of me carrying around a big metal golf club everywhere on those days (sure wouldnt be able to do that nowadays, eh?). Since I never went to my locker for any reason, on those days it was *always* with me. Incidentally, the usual jerks never came near on those days. On normal days, during that stupid class, I'd just walk aimlessly around the track, and that was enough for them. Side effect of keeping me away from other students, basically all of which I hated.


And of course all of this and nobody suspected or even thought of autism. It wasnt until so very much later, many years, that I'd get a diagnosis; long after college, even, and after so very many failed jobs (I dont work anymore, luckily).

So yeah, that's my experience as someone that graduated highschool in 2000. That lack of diagnosis and understanding really can hurt things. Everyone just thinks you're lazy or something, or even stupid in some cases. It sucks. There were two, and ONLY two, things I learned from those stupid years in that place: 1, how to type, and 2... that most people are snotballs.

I guess the general population lack an understanding of what autsim and autism spectrum disorders are. Everyone has always thought I was weird, alternative, quirky and mentally unstable. Even considering a diagnosis of ASD, those closest to me reject the diagnosis and standby the idea that I'm just weird.

Traits vary and people learn/adapt to pick up social norms.