Please Explain The Thought Process Involved With Eye Contact

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Could someone please explain the thought process involved with eye contact. I see a lot of posts saying that eye contact leads to a breakdown in your thought process.
I am trying to find out if my problem with eye contact could be a result of something other than autism. I've always thought my problem with eye contact was due to paranoia & anxiety.

I don't understand your question. I will look at a person long enough to let them know that I'm still listening, nod and say uh huh, but then have to look away to concentrate on what they are saying.
(Remind me to proofread my posts when I use my Kindle for heavens sake!)

Last edited by nurseangela on 18 Jan 2017, 10:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

Reading my question , its not worded the way I want.

I want to know what goes through an autistic's mind that gives them a problem with eye contact to see if it is similar to me. Im not convinced Im on the spectrum but have problems with eye contact but have always put it down to paranoia and anxiety.

I can understand your question. I always thought my eye contact issues were from paranoia, which is because of autism. Alas, I do not know nor may I ever know. I frankly don't think the "processing" issue affects all autistic people. I can look people in the eyes and still process as much as I would if they were talking to me from a slight distance.

For myself there is not a conscious effort not to make eye contact, however there is a conscious effort to make it when someone is talking to show I'm listening. (The reason I was told that I need to do it)

When I'm speaking my eyes are all over the place, because I'm immersed in the thought/subject we are discussing.

I don't always know why I find eye contact difficult, sometimes I just can't bring myself to look at a person directly.

I do find it easier to process and especially retain what is being said to me if I look away. In the past I've forced myself to make eye contact, and the stress kind of stopped me from actually paying attention.

I also have a vague paranoia about what people can see in my eyes. I know they are different to NT eyes somehow, intense and far away at the same time. Since other people seem to find that weird or interesting, I prefer to look away and not 'let them in'.

^ Also like Kicker I tend to look all over the place when I'm talking and thinking. I can't help it, it's just my mind trying to take in as much info and data as possible.

I can only speak for myself, of course, but sometimes I avoid eye contact (such as in certain social situations) as a way to avoid feelings of inferiority. At other times I avoid eye contact as a way to avoid distractions such as my own anticipations of possible answers while trying to convey something to a doctor while not wanting to lose my own concentration while describing a problem or specific symptoms. At those kinds of times, however, I typically close my eyes somewhat tightly (where in social situations I do not) while still facing the person so s/he can see the presence of my full attention and my efforts to communicate clearly. So for myself, the bottom line in relation to avoidance of eye contact amounts to avoidance of whatever kind of mental or emotional disturbance.

I had a feeling it might be a case of never knowing. I have a problem processing most conversations in general , my mind just wanders , ruminates and goes off on tangents and it makes feel like an arrogant person who has no interest in what anyone says ( maybe I just am arrogant ). When eye contact is made it just makes it even more difficult for me to listen and process.

That seems very similar to what goes on with me , it's like my eyes will reveal whats wrong with me.

I tend to look away from people's eyes for two reasons. The first is that I feel it's too personal. It's easier for me to look at people's eyes if I know them well. (5 months after becoming friends with someone, I noticed they had two different colored eyes, we were both surprised that I hadn't noticed before, but I guess that is just how long it took for me feel comfortable enough to make eye contact with her.)

The second is that I forget to listen to a person if I am looking into their eyes. I look away or look at their forehead, mouth, jacket, or shoes depending on how I'm feeling and how well I know them. It helps me concentrate on the words rather than their face.

His may contribute to my inability to read faces. I'm not even looking at them! Haha.

Eye contact for me triggers unease, it's a fundamental feeling that makes it difficult for me to think about what's going on around me such as a conversation.

I know NT's prefer it since it shows involvement in the conversation and on a subconscious level they are reading the changes in a persons eye movement and pupil dilations to gauge truthfullness and involvement.

Same here.

It takes just that little extra bit of energy to keep my eyes on people's faces. I forget to. Working as a cashier, I tend to instead look at their stuff or their hands, and it's a constant mental reminder to make eye contact, and be aware of facial expressions and what people look like. I try to be genuinely friendly, but after putting out all that effort I tend to forget to give the company-mandated spiels (which feels like pulling teeth, anyway, because I know customers hate them).

I also tend to lose all situational awareness when I go into"conversation mode" (of which eye contact is the first step), which quickly drains me and a leaves me easily startled and confused, looking around everywhere to see what's happened while people were talking. When I am alert to my surroundings, it's difficult to understand what people are saying.

And when I'm not alert, sometimes when people talk to me I don't go into conversation mode at all. I respond brusquely to questions, don't look up from whatever I'm doing, and don't fully realize I'm being talked to until the interruptor is walking away.

Around my family, I actually make a lot less eye contact because I'm relaxed and feel like I don't have to be artificially sociable at all. I feel almost like I regress when I step through the door. (Maybe that's normal for adult children around their parents?) I also talk a lot more.

With a lot of animals, direct eye contact is perceived as a challenge or threat. House cats have a peculiar kind of eye contact custom. They take turns looking at each other. If they both look at the same time and do make eye contact, they both quickly look away. When truly relaxed, a cat's eyes are closed or nearly closed.

I always thought lack of eye contact was due to feeling uncomfortable looking at them or not seeing the point to it because why do you need to look at someone when they talk to you if you have ears?

But it's different for everyone with autism. For some it psychically hurts or say it's too distracting or say they can't look and listen at the same time. I used to say it felt like prickley branches because it felt threatening and I didn't like seeing their pupils and I don't like it being demanded. Then it just makes it harder for me to look at them. Plus I didn't understand the point in looking at them but now I understand it's so they know you are listening and it's to let others know you are talking to them. Sometimes when I am at work or out in public, I will start hearing a person talk and I look up and see who is talking and who they are looking at and if they are looking at me, they are talking to me. That is why eye contact is so important. I would hate to start answering a stranger only to find out they were talking on the phone. That would be embarrassing so that is why I look first. But my mom has made that mistake too.

But that was my reason for not doing eye contact. I still have troubles with it at times. It usually with unfamiliar people or with authority or when I am anxious. It's like people have to earn my eye contact, not demand it. You hear of respect is earned, that is true with my eye contact. Eye contact is earned.

I suspect that both you and the OP are using the word "paranoia" incorrectly (most folks on the internet LOVE to misuse the word).

To be 'paranoid' does NOT just mean "to be reluctant to do something".

To be 'paranoid' means that you have delusions that folks are deliberately plotting against you in a conspiracy.

When I was younger it was hard for me to looks folks in the eye. It was emotionally painful, or something. Not even totally sure why. Probably aspergers related.

Nowadays its not big deal. Do look folks in the eye as much as does the next person.

But I stare at them intently in the eye. Both I and the other person glance away while thinking of responses in conversation.

Lack of eye contact is a big trait of autism and Asperger's. As for me, I can look someone in the eye when they're talking to me, but not when I'm talking to them. I guess that has something to do with anxiety, too. I'm afraid of how the other person is going to react to what I say and I don't want to see the expression on their face.