Trading your abilities for social intelligence

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I read this quote today, from John Elder Robinson, in the book Far from the Tree by Andrew Solomon:

This sounds exactly like what has been happening to me recently. Can anyone else relate? Does anyone else feel bitter or lost or angry because they seem to have unwillingly traded social skills for special interests/mental ability?

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A long backstory you don't have to read:
I have been struggling with the fact that I no longer have special interests, though I have friends. My mathematical and analytical abilities and my interest in books seem to have declined. I spend most of my spare time on Facebook, or researching colleges, the latter of course being caused by my anxiety about not having a special interest. In middle school, I was obsessed with physics, routinely won math and science team awards, and got most of my teachers and classmates to think I was going to be some kind of physics genius. And I had a dim understanding that science and math jobs were easy to come by, rewarding, and well paying. But, more importantly, doing math and reading about physics filled me with immense joy. I was constantly struck by the beauty of equations, got a natural high when I found the right answer to the problem, reveled in writing long explanatory posts on wrongplanet. If you read them, you'd find that the sound much more intelligent than I do now.

John Elder Robinson says he isn't sad because he has traded in his technical abilities for an equal measure of social skills, but I find that hard to believe. There is no longer anything I enjoy besides spending time with friends, and being an introvert, I cannot do this indefinitely. With college admissions just around the corner, my lack of "passion" is putting more and more stress on me--especially with the grim knowledge that the person I was in the 7th grade probably could have gotten into any college she wanted. I don't feel the need to get into an Ivy League school, but the pressure to get in a "good school" where I live is pervasive and basically impossible to absorb (I've tried, believe me).

The worst part is that many people I know insists that I'm suffering from mild depression, that my intelligence hasn't really diminished at all, that I'm still interested in plenty of things. I don't see how I can begin to accept my deficiency if no one will believe that it's there.

Last edited by physicsnut42 on 04 Mar 2017, 3:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Before I found WP, I used to pray to trade my abilities for a normal life (one containing social intelligence).

Interesting timing: I found WP right around the same time that I first became an artist. I took one of those online tests that tell you how much of an Aspie you are.

Now: Years have passed. I'm now a rather accomplished artist. I took the test again just for fun ... and it seems I've become more autistic.

It also seems to me like I'm supposed to be an artist, for whatever reason.

And I've also read and can see how it's a trade-off ... friends vs. abilities.

I would say, don't beat yourself up over your choices. Just do your best, be your best self, and don't worry.
(And while others may help you gain insight,
only you can figure out what being the best version of yourself means.)

Yeah, like John, I was once a minor savant. Another example from fiction shows how common the pattern is: TV's Sheldon Cooper once remarked on how much more sociable he had become while lamenting his lack of recent scientific progress, and decided to end his social entanglements.
I think that NTs devote the majority of their brains to keeping track of their associates, so there just isn't enough left to push the envelope technically. Our working memory is miniscule, and we need every bit of it for things like mental calculations.
I was half-way through building a prototype that is still newsworthy three decades later when my helper became extremely angry with no warning. I've been nervous ever since, and never regained my focus. I'm re-doing some of my old work now, and part of the trouble is just more distractions, but I've also lost the habit of focus, often wondering about my neighbours, etc. I've gained, I think, a new understanding of how both parties in a conflict can feel so right, but have had zero luck in popularizing the hypotheses.

@Physicsnut: Facebook is designed to be highly addictive. It also puts a tax on your happiness, and tries to circumscribe your thinking. Learning how to deal with face time is more productive, as is learning how to maintain enough solitude to recover in.
Career-wise, you are at a crossroads that looks like a straight-through to many people. A lot of successful people have dropped out of school because they were learning more, faster, and more relevantly on their own. I flunked out of grade 12 and left home with a general knowledge level above College grad average, and went to the library for my engineering. I won 3 sample university lectures while in high school, and the next time I was at the U, I was lecturing to graduating engineers.
I would not go one dime into debt for what schools offer these days. If you have funds, university can be a good place to meet people and study a bit, but the odds of using what you first select as a major are quite slim. Unfortunately, the world is going rather chaotic, and quick wits may be needed more than wise ones. I'd try to find a summer job where you can really apply some talent, and see what happens.

I think this is no different than being a professional athlete. To play at that level you need to focus entirely on your job during the season. Aspies are really good at things because they will focus on something for a long time. You can't expect to perform at that level and deal the with constant interruptions that social interaction typically requires.

I'm no better off socially, in fact, I have probably declined there just as much as I have intellectually. I have always suspected it was due to years of foggy depression and the effects of countless medications. Many of the meds I have taken in massive quantity are linked to dementia.