Feelings and aspergers/ autism.

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Hi everyone, I hope you are OK.

For a long time I have suspected I have aspergers, but wanted to ask a question regarding emotions, and how they go along with aspergers or autism.

For example, I often feel strong emotions. Is this normal in people with aspergers or autism? It could be I have been influenced by media, where people with autism are often shown as disconnected from their emotions.
I feel this is far from me, but I do have trouble describing my emotions to someone, and why I feel that way, whereas other people I often hear describing how they feel and why they feel that way.

I was upset the other day, as someone had stole my bike. This was a fairly obvious reason to be upset though. When their has been multiple smaller things leading up to an emotion, I find it hard to realise why.

I often find that the small things do not really 'get' to me, until eventually enough things happen and I have an overwhelming surge of a strong emotion.

Do you also find you feel a lot of emotion, and if it is multiple things that have caused it, do you for example feel the emotion straight away, or must it build up until it becomes very strong?

You might consider some research on this:

Alexithymia affects 10% of the general population.

Wiki for Alexithymia:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia

An online test and forums for Alexithymia:
http://www.alexithymia.us/test-alex.html

Anyone on the spectrum,hold there cards.
We feel deeply inward,and of course somethings got to give.
Better in than out.

I expect the reality is less a case of being disconnected and more a case of not being sure what to do with them.
For me, that indeed is part of this.
That sounds familiar. There is also the thing of feeling I'm overreacting to a small thing and deciding to bury the emotion, until we get in to the following kind of thing ...
Turns out it can happen either way for me.

Emotional regulation is something I deal with. I tend to have deep emotions about people and things related to death. It can be challenging sometimes because I think the people around me are heartless because they don't exhibit the same level of emotion as I do.

I seemed to be a bit overwired in the emotional and feeling department. It is one aspie trait that I don't mind having. I often think that if people had deep feelings about people like I do, the world would be a better place and we'd get more done! Kind regards. Shark

I haven't been officially diagnosed with that but I do think I might have a touch of alexathymia

I have been diagnosed with Asperger's and can present an example or two of emotions that I personally experienced for you to formulate an idea of the levels of emotions. Each person is different and may or may not experience similar feelings.

One day at work I received a phone call from my contractor on site that they couldn't finish installing a carwash because the crew got into an accident and are on their way to the hospital; my immediate response was well get someone else out there to finish the job; this must meet the deadline by the end of the day. The contractor apologized and immediately sent a replacement crew to finish up the job. Later that night I found I couldn't sleep because I thought of the crew; I wondered if they were even alive and kept replaying in my mind different scenarios of how I should have addressed the news. I just kept pacing back and forth all night wondering how they were doing. To the contractor, I must have appeared as a project manager lacking empathy, cold hearted, no feelings; to my family, who saw my reactions due to the restless night would know my feelings are quite intense. The reality is that when I received the news at work, I was extremely focused on getting the job done on time and within budget. Anything else would be a distraction or "excuse" and I don't even realize it. Its completely unintentional due to that well known hyperfocus aspect typical of Asperger's.

Another example, one day while driving in a rental with my mom as a passenger, she nonchalantly stated "oh, honey, I forgot my shawl" I immediately burst out, full Asperger rage. To others, I overreacted. Reality: Sensory overload: the rental has fabric seats that itched my lower back; I couldn't properly adjust the temp of the car; I was lost and it had taken me a full 3 minutes to drive out of the cul-de-sac and the agony of having to find my way back in to retrieve my moms shawl; the pressure of trying to understand why when I asked my mom before departing if she has everything and she had said "yes, dear, we are ready to go", the constant static from the radio as I wasn't able to adjust it, the smell of the mysterious scent sprayed in the car by the dealer among many other issues that disrupted my focus of getting of out the cul-de-sac and just getting home. All this within a very small fraction of a second. All disrupting my order, leading to chaos. Its not something that builds up; on the contrary, its sudden and explosive and just as quickly dissipates. I am on medicine now, that helps with the full onset of emotions and can almost feel the medicine slowly release the pressure in my brain to avoid the Asperger meltdown/rage as soon as its ready to burst out. It feels like someone slams a door shut as a burst of rage is coming through or gently releasing steam on a pot of boiling water that has a tight lid.

I have AS but I am very emotionally-orientated, and I have a very good knowledge of my own (and other people's) emotions.

A lot of people say that stress, depression and anxiety are the same thing, and that is true to an extent because they do go hand-in-hand with one another, but they can still be seperate feelings.

For me
Anxiety = worrying about what might or might not happen during day to day living (small trivial things and big things too)
Depression = self-loathing, comparing myself to my peers and feeling useless and stupid
Stress = knowing I can't do something, getting in a panic and getting all angry.

My emotions do run my life, even though I'm on meds, I still can't seem to reduce my thoughts and feelings. And most of the time my emotions hurt. They can't be brushed off easily. Often I find myself avoiding situations where I could end up feeling a negative emotion, because I really don't want to feel it.

If a friend seems a bit offish to me after years of good friendship, I worry about it. I also feel depressed too, because I start to analyze everything I've ever done or said, and I want to put it right but I feel afraid to approach them and ask why they are offish.

If I have done a simple task wrong, and get told off, I feel silly, and don't know what to say. I could either admit that I was careless, but to up my morale I try to think of excuses why I did it wrong. But when there aren't any, I just have to hang my head in shame and say "yes, sorry I did it wrong".

I'm even affected by other people's emotions. I find it hard to do practical jokes (harmless pranks) on people because the second they are fooled I feel all guilty and anxious, even though they are about to find out it was just a joke and laugh about it. So April Fools day is out of the question for me.

So I do feel unusual for an Aspie, for being too in touch with my emotions. I can openly express my feelings really well, during any kind of social interaction. I can't not express my feelings. I have to. One day I might see if I can do a whole day or two of not expressing my feelings at all, and see how different myself and my life would be. Although it would be very hard.

+1 for autistic alexithymia. Oddly, I never considered that this was an emotion regulation issue before, as I seemed to equate emotional regulation issues with outbursts and meltdowns, which are things I don't do. But yes, autism does tend to affect the emotional regulation areas - that seems to turn alexithymic for some, and issues with impulse control and over-emotionality leading to outbursts in others.

And another +1 for autistic alexithymia. Also don't have meltdowns and not much in the way of emotion. I think you choose to either externalize or internalize your emotions. Personally, I do a Spock impersonation and come across as alternatively cold, indifferent and barbarously logical (so really fun!). I may hate or love someone (in a restrained sort of way), but they will never know.