Obsessing over people and not objects

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13 Apr 2017, 3:29 pm

This has been a huge issue for me. It's usually to older people, but the same gender (female). So, sometimes I may meet someone who is older than me (mainly teachers) and I just feel drawn to them for some reason, to the point I'd spend hours searching for them on the internet and saving their pictures (this sounds really weird, i don't do anything with the pictures though and also looking at their social media profile all the time) I search high and low for them. I don't know why I do it, whenever I see them I get really nervous and excited and just always want their attention.
I was just away for a few days and there was a leader that I grew to like (not as in love, though) and I had to leave and I got really depressed because I'll never see her again..but I found her social media.. I just feel so embarrassed and ashamed and weird to do this but I mean no harm.. is there anything I can do? is this related to asd? I heard it is but i'm not sure.
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TheSilentOne
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13 Apr 2017, 4:59 pm

I recall reading an article, I'll try to find it, that said it is common for Autistic females to "become attached" (for lack of a better way of putting it) to older females. I definitely do the same thing. Most of the time, it is with famous people, but sometimes it has happened with teachers and even family friends. I understand the feeling of shame and embarrassment that comes with it, I feel that way a lot too.


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ChangelingGirl
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13 Apr 2017, 5:06 pm

Obsessions with people as opposed to objects are more common in female autisitcs/Aspies. I don't personally "become attached" to people that easily myself.



IstominFan
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13 Apr 2017, 5:48 pm

I have strong interests in certain people, but I wouldn't say I'm obsessed or attached to them.



friedmacguffins
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13 Apr 2017, 6:31 pm

I am not a formal psychologist, but read of a phenomenon, in which people are repeatedly drawn back into a traumatic time, of their lives, until they can make peace with that. Did you have some upset or blank spot, regarding a teacher or female, authority figure? Or, what does that represent to you?



dossa
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13 Apr 2017, 8:58 pm

I have been obsessed with people on and off for... most of my life, I guess. I mean, I remember doing that as a child as well as a grown person. As an adult (no internet when I was a kid and all that) I have searched people. I'm not sure if it's an autism thing for me or not. I don't know if I'll ever figure out why I get to obsessing over people. Maybe I'm just trying to understand them for some reason. I have no clue. But I understand feeling weird about it. I mean no harm either. It's not like I plan to show up on their doorstep or blow up their phone or something. I tell myself no harm no foul. I'm not sure I really believe that though since it still makes me feel weird and that I should knock it off because it's not normal behavior. And I'm not the type to get hung up on acting normal... so it has to be causing me distress, right? That tends to be where my focus lands... if it's causing me distress, that is what's important. Self care, and all that... not making myself distraught. I'll go on full blown avoid/distract mode if I start making myself nuts with it (but if it's not making me nuts, I let it wear itself out because it always does). Maybe find something to do to distract yourself? Or if that proves to be to hard, start slow? Like make yourself wait five minutes and then go looking up people, then after doing that a few times, up it to six, then seven and so on? That's the best I have for this one. Wishing you well in this.


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north404
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15 Apr 2017, 6:41 pm

I do this too, though mine isn't specifically for same gender. It'd moreorless be anyone I'm interested in and find admirable in some way.

I also don't want their attention, that's actually the last thing I want lol. So in my case, it is like "stalking", but I don't mean any harm with it, if that's believable. It's weird how I don't want their attention yet I desire to be their friend or something; I guess I just don't find myself worthy of their time/attention and I'm just embarrassed of myself.



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16 Apr 2017, 12:37 am

My obsessions have always been people; men and women. Usually if it's an obsession with a man, it's a sexual crush. But if it's an obsession with a woman, it's an admiration and/or compitition, meaning I want to be best friends with her and be just like her.

I have a boyfriend now so I don't get as obsessed with people as I used to any more. I still get fascinated by certain females, but not as bad, and I don't lear after men the way I used to.
Now I have general interests only, which aren't embarrassing and are socially acceptable. My interests now are story-writing (about made-up families, or creepypastas), country music, cute cottages in countrysides, and British humour or TV series such as the Inbetweeners and Outnumbered, and the early Grange Hill series.


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Ramintafromlt
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12 Jul 2017, 2:05 pm

same and for me it is always for opposite gender. When I was in elementary and middle school it was characters from various animated series, like Dante Vale from 'Huntik'. In high school it became real people. Just like op I download photos of them on my phone. For me, it was and is sexual attraction + their personality. my recent 'crush' has to upload a video of himself every week so it is very fun for me:3
Also I have noticed that I always imagine my crush of that time reacting to things I say or do in my head, I imagine them by my side all the time supporting me through hard times. I imagine all kind of scenarios with them as well.



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14 Jul 2017, 7:54 am

I CAN SO RELATE TO THE OP!! ! I have a lot of older female friends.

Also, I saved and memorized pictures of people I was interested in, whose lives I was interested in, etc. Though I often never said a word to those people in my life!! Some of them didn't even know I existed. It's normal. And there is always a reason for it. I know now that there were qualities, even mundane ones, that I was drawn to in those people. Good qualities. Even if the rest of them and their life was bad. There was always something I admired about either them or the way they were treated by others that I was jealous of.