Denial of my diagnosis

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All of my life, I figured there was something different about me, as of I was from a different planet. I made plans for everything, before a plan was executed, I made sure I had an option A,B, and C. If it didn't go according to plan, I would get paralyzed with fear. When people gave me 2 options that I didn't like, I could always formulate a new strategy that many people didn't think of. When I speak, I speak in pictures and diagrams. When I joke, I am commonly misunderstood and made fun of. When I try to help people, I sometimes offend them without even realizing what I did wrong. When it was time to play recess, I was always too awkward to conversate with anyone. There are many things that I do that just doesn't click with people. For instance, I recently made a joke to my teacher, Ms Vowels, and asked her that if she changed her to Ms. Consenance, would that make her "Trans-phonics". I was replied with a creeped out stare and was made fun of for the joke. I just don't click with people

In 2016, I found out that I was diagnosed with aspergers when I was 12 and wasn't told about it until I was 15. At this point in my life, it felt like my entire world crashed around me. I knew what aspergers were since my younger brothers suffers with it, but I never knew it would be me that had it as well. Since recieivng my diagnosis, I have denied it, tried to prove to myself that I didn't have it, convinced myself that it was all psychosomatic and that if I ignored the symptoms they would go away, and felt like I was doomed. I'm now in the grey area of excepting the diagnosis and denying it. All I want to know is where do I go from here, and is there any information I need to know about dealing with this. I'm not good with relationships, talking to people, making plan, or going places but I excel in music, computers, and learning about government. Thus, making me feel very lonley since people get quite bored from my speeches i give about those topics. I just want some comfort and support from someone and to know that I am not the extraterrestrial that I see in the mirror every day.

I feel insecure, afraid, and alone on this journey. Any bit of support I can get helps. Thank you and God Bless

Having a diagnosis or not doesn't fundamentally change a person. Lots of people exhibit some autistic traits, so it isn't as though your humanity has come under doubt. I did okay before I understood autism and my place on the spectrum, but my life has massively improved since I got some clues about my tendencies and limitations. I didn't get it figured out until age 40, so take your head start and run with it.

Whether or not you accept the diagnosis that was made when you were younger, know that no matter what you are still you, both your strengths and your weaknesses. Embrace your strengths and interests, for those are important and fundamental parts of who you are. As for areas where you see that you could improve, look for support groups and counselors in your area that can help you. If you have not done so already, consider taking a public speaking or drama class, as both of these can help improve social skills and fulfill high school credits. I would also recommend looking to see if your school or city library has any kind of club related to your special interests.

I wish you the best and hope things work out for you!

Hey

I often hear ""I have aspergers, " I have got Aspergers""..

The reality is you Are Asperger's. You have not contracted it like a disease or virus. Asperger's is just a term used to define a group of symptoms so as the public or professional has a better understanding of the circumstance. It is a different wiring, of maybe a somewhat more complex manner that despite the often intense hardships emotionally and sensory due to amplified chemical and biological make up ... There are many positives and these you may not realise right now but in time you may find one of your special interests can make a positive change in your life in the near future.. You firstly have to except yourself first... You are not different biologically before the assessment as you where afterwards. Therefore it is purely psychological. Humanity is made op of many different types of diversities. Not just a man and a women but many different ways of thinking. Evolution has decided that this was needed in humanity for natural reasons unknown. But for us to have survived this long i believe that is part of lifes secret... For instance, you have the leader of a small clan, he/she keeps the clan together, leads, makes decisions based on life and death decisions etc. Then you have your hardened warriors, heading into battle ironically with other human beings... Then you have the aspie, sitting in the back of the cave breaking rocks and realisiing if that rock was cut a little smaller it could fit on the end of a stick and used as a defensive weapon.... You see, every one has a roll in lifes confusion.. You are no better no worse, just slightly different to the majority of the population and being part of any minority can feel a little daunting no matter what spectrum or culture you are...

If it wasn't for your Einsteins, Teslas etc we would still be living in the dark ages, Philosophers, actors, poets, artists etc were and are on the spectrum.. You see.. in some way whether the rest of humanity realises it or not, we are needed, even if quietly in the background... love yourself and who you are first before trying to ""fix"" anything else Yes it will be up and down, yes you may have to deal with alot of anxiety/sensory issues but that makes you strong! Stronger than many in the general population... Your strength is what gets you through those bad and seemingly weak moments....

As far as women go... yeah, you are definitely at an age where all the emotions are kicking in Just dont try too much right now, concentrate on an interest that makes you feel good and pursue that. Girls at 16 to mid twenties arent really looking to settle down, they are all out there such as men really enjoying their new freedoms... Waiting till your late twenties when they are ready to want to settle down saving you an enormousness deal of heart ache and stress!! !

I can understand where you are coming from as i have sometimes felt the same, especially finding out at 39 ... but in a short time i have met some amazing, loving, wise and intelligent people, even though we seem like we are in the corner of the internet all quietly huddled together... But it is those quiet people not absorbed into societies norms that are creating, inventing and doing wonderful things for humanity often going unnoticed...

Be who you want to be

( just my random thought )

Consider this like a wave, and you're in the water. The painful experiences come like waves, and roll through. I've had some really bad waves - really bad - but they always roll through. And with time, things change. Especially after high school. There are some really cool people out there, who can relate to who you are, not how you should be. It's not always easy to find them, I'll admit. But they do exist, and you will meet such people. And you'll discover strengths and abilities you don't realize you have.

The hard part, to me, is staying awake and touching life when a bad wave is coming through. Damn waves.

(I hope I said that well.)

Your Diagnosis is not your prognosis. Hope you can find some comfort in finding out at an early age. Even if you choose not to believe the diagnosis, you will at least have it to refer to if you need to look for answers for life's challenges that surely lie ahead.