When do you stop looking for answers to explain things?

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I'm 60 . The damage due to lack of recognition of issues/problems, and therefore lack of help and support, has been done. It's not as though I can rewind the clock, and hey presto competent mental health professionals .
Yet despite that there is a strong intellectual urge for answers and validation.

I hear you on that. I've reached a point where I don't believe the psychiatric profession understands my issues (including autism) well enough to be of much help to me, and the general public is even less understanding. So the potential people I could reach out to for answers, understand my problems even worse than I do.

I hope that future generations will receive better help than we did, and that hope brings me comfort. But in the meantime, I've come to accept that in a world where no one agrees on what autism is, or isn't, *I* am as qualified as the next person, in terms of deciding whether the diagnosis applies to me, and is of any value.

(To be fair, I've been professionally diagnosed, but my presentation is non-stereotypical, so it will forever be questioned.)

I don't really get it when people say that diagnoses provide the why answers in their lives. So many diagnoses don't have causes behind them, so they don't really answer why/how people are the way they are. So from my perspective, they can lead to as many questions as answers. While I accept I'll never have all the answers, I can't really imagine a day when I stop trying to figure stuff out, either about my self or about others.

I'm gonna vent here and it is not aimed at anyone on this thread.

I'm sick and tired of posters here ( posters who have a Dx ) who harp on about autism not defining you , autism not answering the question you have etc. I know for some posters it comes from a good place and is meant in a helpful way but there appears to be some elitist BS going on here , just because a Dx didn't answer questions for you doesn't mean it won't be the missing jigsaw piece for someone else. Seeing as this is a community who the majority have suffered Ostrification ( is that a word ? ) it's bizarre.

I know it's just a label for some but for others who have had a lifetime of incorrect labels and kept passive with drugs , a correct label is all that is needed in this case. I'm not saying that a Dx with answer all my questions but it will definitely set me on the right path to self discovery , knowing that I have issues is not enough for me , I need to know why?

^I like the way you phrased that: "the right path to self discovery." Correct diagnoses can certainly lead to that. My frustration is more with the process of diagnosis itself. Any time I've gotten any sort of diagnosis, the doctors or mental health professionals were like, "Here, take this. Do this." And that was it. The why didn't seem to factor into the treatments they prescribed.

Maybe this approach is the same problem that also causes incorrect labels and patience doped up on drugs.

I wouldn't necessarily say a diagnosis would define me but, at my age, it could do me a great deal of harm. It could severely limit my potential and hope for any sort of advancement in most areas. I don't want to take the chance that the information could fall into the wrong hands.

get in touch with your inner wisdom, is my suggestion. meditation is awesome for getting quiet, finding your center, feeling peaceful, and as a side effect can really kickstart your intuition. Those are your 'gut feelings' that always have information to add to any scenario or problem. Many people today seek validation and wisdom outside themselves, in others and other sources, but I'm not convinced it makes anyone truly happy or fulfilled.

I saw one of your other posts, confessing frustration with conversations being hard. I would suggest not editing yourself so harshly along the way, just get the ball rolling, the energy moving, and don't be concerned about doing it perfectly, just be happy you're doing it! (conversing.)

Congrats on getting to 60! I'm 34 and for the same reasons, I have no plans to get to 35, I just don't see the logic in continuing after my (very elderly) dogs pass.

I'm not going to suggest I know exactly how you feel, but I think I can relate. Most recently, my (now ex)doctors decided to double my medication and for the first time ever- I became manic. I was locked in the funny farm and lost nearly everything to serotonin syndrome. To avoid a lawsuit, they slapped a bipolar sticker on me and lodged the relevant paperwork with the government- a permanent branding. No one believes a crazy chick. Such is the Australian mental health system.

Personally, I think the autistic mind will never stop looking for better definition and understanding in everything it encounters. Validation is a necessity too, it's all about survival instincts. Ignorance and invalidation begets fear, on both sides. Humans are social creatures and fear can be a very dangerous thing, Aspies are just trying to survive.


AQ: 42/50
Neurodiversity: 174/200
Neurotypical: 43/200

MorningSue, I'm not sure what to say. I'm sorry to hear about your dog. It's so hard to lose a loved one!

Those mental health professionals clearly didn't understand you. There are some others on this forum who've also gotten locked up and misunderstood by the mental health system. It's not always like that though.

I've known others who felt hopeless, and they reached out and found some consolation by talking to someone or calling a crisis hotline.

Thanks DataB4, that's really kind of you. I'm not actively suicidal and certainly not suggesting it's the answer for anyone else, I'm just a pragmatist and resigned to my fate. I'd be thrilled if things do change, but I can't get my hopes up again. When my beautiful dogs go, I'll be going with them.

I just think it shows a hell of a lot of strength and courage to persevere for 60 years, let alone when you're 'flying-blind' as many undiagnosed aspies do. I hope you can recognise that within yourself and perhaps learn to use it to your advantage.

First I'll put on a hat, then I'll take it off to you firemonkey xx

I'm always looking for answers, except my questions are different. They're more along the line of "Why do people do this?" or "Why do people do that?"

My mom stopped looking for answers when my psychiatrist told her Asperger's is the closest I will ever get to for a diagnosis.

Hi, Morning Sue,

I hope you change your mind. There's lots of beauty in the world. Australia has unique flora and fauna.

People sometimes suck, yes....but natural beauty can't be taken away like people can try to take away your self-esteem.

I'm sorry you're feeling so sad.

I bet you have virtues you know about, and some virtues you don't know about.

When i've found said answer or a solution.

@MorningSue. I hope you feel better soon.