Why do NT's speak in code?

Post Reply New Topic

Yes, I've been the recipient of bitchiness, and some of that bitchiness has been in the form of "code."

I'm not always really good at deciphering the "code."

I'm a person who speaks directly, and not in "code," though I try to be diplomatic.

I believe much of the "social niceties" were promulgated to prevent wars and misunderstandings. Sometimes, it's used as a "gentle" way of excluding someone (yes, including me). It's used in both positive and negative ways.

But I don't believe NT's created the "code" to, exclusively, exclude people. I believe it was created as a form of self-preservation.

via Karla McLaren: "The following are normal everyday behaviors among neurotypicals: lying about their feelings; avoiding sensitive subjects that are glaringly obvious; leaving important words unsaid; pretending to like things they don’t like; pretending they’re not feeling an emotion that they’re clearly feeling; using language to hide, obscure, and skirt crucial issues; attacking people who frighten them without ever realizing they’re full of fear; stopping all forward progress on a project without ever realizing they’re full of anger and grief; and claiming that they are being rational when huge steamy clouds of emotion are pouring out of them. Neurotypicals are often emotionally exhausting."

https://karlamclaren.com/2011/10/09/emp ... mment-1442

I've encountered people of varying neurologies who do all those things.

I'll bet the phrase is "Bless his/her heart", and this person is from the American South.

I thought that was a term of endearment

It is.....sometimes.

It can also be used facetiously/ironically.

I just talked about this with my GF and deep down I think I did know it can be used in a condescending way and realised I probably can sound condescending but don't mean it.

It's not really thought that way in the UK, I don't believe. It seems has a more "straightforward" religious meaning there. Correct me if I'm wrong.

In the Southern United States, the meaning is more complex. It depends upon the tone of voice, and the immediate context. It can either be an expression of admiration, similar to "blow me down!" Or I could be used sarcastically/facetiously.

I'm probably not the best person to ask so I asked the missus ( my GF ) and she said she considers it pretty much the same as you do over the pond ( context is very important ) and is rarely used in a religious way ( well at least not in our bit of the UK ).
It's funny that you think it may have a more religious meaning here as my missus thinks the same about the US - how wierd.

She just gave me a hilarious example but maybe not that funny if your the subject matter so I thought I'd share.
Girl 1: How was it?
Girl 2: Good but he's not particularly well endowed.
Girl 1: Ah! Bless him.

Well they sure don't understand my code, or aspie code code in general.

For example if I look away up at the ceiling when they ask me a question, to them that means "She's lying". But it's really because they asked me a question where answering it wrongly could cause me a ton of embarrassment, so I have to think. Yeah, you know, THINK? Something people with brains do?!?

Or that our lack of eye contact during a job interview means we're not fit to even be janitors let alone any other job that doesn't overwhelm our senses.

I've heard that "Bless your heart" can be used to replace
a particularly offensive swear/curse word phrase
directed at another person,
one which would get me reprimanded, suspended, or maybe even banned
were I to post it on Wrong Planet.
It can be far stronger than mere sarcasm ...

In a similar vein,
I heard that when truckers in the old days
who used CB radios said "Mercy!" ...
that was likewise a curse word
because if they said the actual word,
it would be against FCC regulations,
and they could have their CB radio license taken away.

They don't know they are doing it. They think they are saying what they mean but they don't know how it's going to be interpreted by someone who takes things literal so they don't know what words to add. Put it this way, have you ever been with another person who also took things literal? Did you not know how it would be interpreted?



I would like to know how they also learn.

For me I go by common sense. The other say I tapped on the glass window of the bus and the drover opens them and tells me to not touch the bus because I could get caught on it so wave my hand at him. I took it at face value but then I started to think it wouldn't make sense if only one bus could make me get caught if I touched it so he had to mean all the buses. Don't touch any buses and only wave my hand at them.

Also I have learned what phrases mean and I am surprised what things people say imply other things just by posts I read online. I also think people read too much into things often that are not even there I have seen NTs going through that problem too, they say something and another person reads into it that isn't even there, something I see ASD people often complain about NTs. But even autistic people have read into things I have said that were not even there because they didn't take me literal so I call it being human. It's also possible the autistic person has learned to read into things or learned what things imply it makes them read too much into things also. I had started to do this a few years ago but never take it seriously because I always doubt that is what they meant like for example I told my mom what my school counselor did when i was 16 and it was about the Game Boy thing and he was expecting me to say "I would just give the kid my Game Boy and get the money from him the next day" and we were also taking about Asperger's and my mom goes "He thought you would be that stupid, are you glad we got rid of him?" Uh oh, my mom just implied aspies are stupid for letting people take advantage of them for being too naive and trusting. I hope that is not what she thinks of them. I also think people often say things without thinking because they don't even think what it will imply. Then they get offended if you point it out to them or maybe that is only my mother. I thought she would be so impressed about me figuring out language but apparently not. I am even too afraid to even ask. It is confusing to know when something implies something and when people mean what they exactly mean but I think NTs have troubles with it too which is why there are misunderstandings but it quickly gets resolved when the other party apologizes and say they didn't mean it and they should have worded it better. Just something I have observed online.


3) Do you ever take words at face value?[/quote]

This something I would like to know. Do they ever take things literal.

As an autistic my self I don't get why theese so called codes are not self explanatory.
I have more problems understanding other autistic people at times. Sure I get that some social codes need to be learned, but once you do they are like second nature.

My problem is, I'm not inclined to lie just to be socially correct, and in general, it's usually NOT "great" talking to them, if anything, it's rather tedious and pointless, so the best I can do is a cursory wave and "Gotta go," and perhaps "Seeya later," which is PROBABLY true, as its more than likely I will encounter the person again, eventually, whether I intend to, or want to, or not.

I did learn, by osmosis, to toss off a polite "Be careful," as people are leaving. I don't really care whether they are careful, or safe, but they should at least make an effort to be, for their own sake.

At my age I have learned enough NT "code" to understand how much I do not understand a lot of "code".
___________________________________

exactly. what is the point of saying "how are you doing?", if there are no words that could adequately depict the answer to that question? and, if there were words, what is the point in dropping everything and giving a long winded response?

precious lil "people" say "you got mad", as if that was a fact. precious lil "people" act like they are so special. but they are (more or less, socially) all the same. they say "mad", instead of "angry". but "mad" is not an emotion. and "mad" used to mean "mentally ill."

precious lil "people" say "huh" and "what" instead of "excuse me." but when they talk, they act like everything they say is as (1) important as the latest greatest scientific invention (2) interesting as someone else's sexual orientation (3) urgent as a tsunami.

and they half listen when you talk.

precious lil "people" refer to himself/herself as "we", "people" and "most people". but there is just one of them and one of me.

precious lil "people" act like they have never done anything wrong before. they act morally innocent. they do the slightst personal favor and act like they just saved your life. then when you do something they do not like they label it as "disrespectful" or "rude". as if that's a fact. and as if they have never done anything wrong before.

precious lil "people" say that they "can't" do something, just b/c they do not want to.

precious lil "people" say that "you need to" do something. but that's just peer pressure.

precious lil "people" act like they are absolutely important, morally innocent, socially cool, awesome, academically smart.

I think "excuse me" means a lot more than that here in the UK and I'm not sure it can be said in a polite way any more.

"excuse me" is used aggressively and with some superiority meaning "What are you implying" , "Who do you think you are" , "What do you mean by that".

It can also be used sarcastically to imply that your not sorry to the way someone negatively reacted to what you just said or did.

The only time I would ever use that word is in an opening statement usually to a complete stranger when enquiring about something.

I used to find "pardon" the politest way of saying you didn't hear something but even that seems rude to me today so I don't use it any more.

I think because I'm British I am usually apologetic when I don't hear something, so say something like "Sorry , I didn't hear that" but with people I really know I always use "huh" , "what" , "eh" which to me is just lazy abbreviated slang or maybe I'm just a precious lil person .