I sometimes feel lost. And need to ramble

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Hello

I'm sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong section.

I'm not sure where to begin as I find it difficult to put everything into 'words' here but I'm in my 20's, was diagnosed with autism/aspergers when I was a lot younger.
I had difficulties with school life and ended up dropping out earlier than I should have, and had a pretty isolated life growing up.

I sometimes don't feel like I'm in my early 20's, sometimes I feel a bit younger, but then sometimes older? Not sure if thats normal.

I have a very small 'social group' of people in my life, pretty much a few close family members, my girlfriend and one other friend who I've known since my childhood.

I feel like I go through 'stages' in my life where sometimes I feel like I'm okay for a while, but then other times am not so okay and feel much more alone, despite having a very loving girlfriend and family, who are always there for me when I need them.
Life just seems lonely sometimes, like I'm all on my own, but deep down I know that I'm really not?

I've always tended to not forget the past easily, and sometimes I miss people who have previously been in my life and who are no longer around. Two people in particular I sometimes find it extra hard with is my brother who rarely has anything to do with my life or my family in general anymore, and a bit of an 'odd' situation, my sort-of ex friend/gf who I knew and talked to online for a few years (never met), but no longer have any contact with whatsoever.

The latter in particular I feel sort of guilty about because as I say I'm happily in love with my IRL girlfriend, and have been for 3 years now. I just sometimes miss talking to her? Is that weird or wrong?

My head feels like one big mess sometimes, and often I go into 'quiet/depressed' mode where I will pretty much just shut everybody out and feel low/sad/down for a while.

And I'm even more confused now because I just signed up to this forum, am posting all this what probably seems confusing ramblings to most here and I'm not really sure why.

Basically I just feel I needed to post this here and am hoping maybe someone will understand at least some of what I'm saying? Or am I just that odd?

Sorry, I feel lost.

It's ok. You've come to the right place. I can completely relate to what you said about not feeling like your chronological age; sometimes I feel younger, sometimes I feel older, and sometimes I'm just confused . Many people here can feel very lonely; even at times when they are not. I don't think it's wrong to be missing your friend/ex. I would never consider that weird; you guys had a relationship, and even though you've moved on, you will still miss her at times. Completely normal, IMO. Believe me, a lot of people are feeling exactly how you feel right now. It's not a wrong or weird feeling, it's called being human. Being an aspie can make you feel even more isolated. I would encourage you to do things that you like to do, and try to not worry as much about the past. Don't feel lost anymore; you've found the right planet .

Thanks
It's nice to find that other people share some of the same sort of things.

I guess sometimes I just wish there was a way I could overcome at least some of the many anxieties I seem to get? Like some of the most silly 'social' situations such as paying for something in a shop at the checkout can make me feel really uncomfortable and it can just make me feel like I can't get out of the place fast enough.

I often feel like my head is constantly over-thinking about things (like more than the average sort of person), which often seems to make me take things people say in the wrong way, and/or worry constantly about myself saying the right things, or offending people.

And while I've never been officially diagnosed with depression, I definitely feel I have the symptons of it. Everything from just feeling a little low for no apparent reason to more serious 'wishing I was dead' thoughts.

Ah, what a combination.

Life is hard

Yeah, people with ASD are pretty good at worrying and over-thinking. If this is significantly interfering with your life, then I would recommend seeing a psychologist. There is no harm in voicing how you feel. Your over thinking and anxiety are probably a result of having ASD. Life can be really hard and draining sometimes. You can get through this, though . I've been through some horrible periods of time in my life as well. It seems like you aren't in the place you want to be right now. Know that you don't have to feel this way forever, and you share your problems with millions. I hope you feel better soon .

Hey friend. Welcome. I can also relate to the "feeling younger yet sometimes older" thing. I think it's an Aspie thing. I can't relate to the ex-gf/current gf thing, but in that regard your lucky. I apparently only socialize well enough to have one ex in 43 years and no current. I'm often also just confused. I think lots of us are just struggling through. Welcome to, as ... wow lol ... I want to just call her squiddy for short for some reason ..., says, the right planet. People here on the spectrum are across the spectrum. You're not alone. Ramble on...

This is not the place to look for normal, that's why we like it.

Your feeling seems to be commonplace among Aspergians. I'm more than twice your age and I feel much younger than I am, and much younger than my peers either look or behave. Fortunately (you'll appreciate this more as you get older) we also tend to look several years younger than our real age pretty much all our lives.



Well, for one thing, that's the cycle of life, valleys and plateaus. Things never stay exactly the same, and you'll always have ups and downs. But that can also be symptomatic of chronic depression, depending on how severely it affects you. As for your family and girlfriend, it's not at all unusual that you should still feel lonely - humans are built to socialize outside their own familial units - a person needs friends, and sadly, it's the autistic's lot in life to be forever in short supply of that commodity. Friends, that is.



Again, I can't speak to what's "weird" to the rest of the world, as everything about me seems to strike normal people as "weird." However, I also have the tendency to live in the past, and revel in memories of Glory Days, often to the detriment of the here and now. I don't know if that's a particularly Autistic trait or not.

I can tell you it's not an especially healthy thing for your current relationship, but I also know that telling you that isn't going to make you stop reminiscing. Here's the truth: the past almost never comes back around, and on the rare occasions when it does, it NEVER as good as it was the first time. NEVER. Let it go. Obsessing over it will only ruin the good things you have now, and make you miss many beautiful moments, until they, too, are nothing but wistful memories. Put the past in a scrapbook and leave it there for rainy days.



Again, that sounds like the cycles of depression. Personally, I can't recommend pharmaceutical antidepressants, as I think they're at least as dangerous as they are helpful, but I do recommend Turmeric, which is natural, easily available, and I can personally attest to it's effectiveness at smoothing out the worst of the lows. Plus, it won't leave you feeling stoned.



I think you'll find us misfits here at Wrong Planet will understand almost all of what you're feeling. Welcome aboard!

Squiddy sounds like a nice name Call me whatever you want

Thanks everyone else for your replies

I should have probably made it clear regarding my 'online ex'. I do miss her but not as any sort of loving/ex relationship, I just miss talking to her sometimes (probably because I don't have many friends as it is?).

I had a pretty bad day yesterday, letting my 'feeling low/depressed' mode sort of take over

Unrelated really but is it also a normal aspie thing to get slightly more emotionally attached to 'things'?
Sounds quite weird when I type it out but I feel as if I 'care' a lot more about the majority of my personal items/gadgets/car etc than the 'average guy' does? I'm not saying I start having a conversation with them ( ) but I mean, the idea of anything getting damaged/stolen etc worries me a lot? Perhaps more often than others get worried about it?

I'm sorry you had a bad day yesterday- hopefully today will be better . It's definitely an ASD trait to be more attached to objects. It's even an example in the DSM-5 criteria. I get so worried about this toy Squid I have getting stolen. One time I lost it, and I cried for almost a whole day. Good thing I found it lol. I also used to play board games with my Cabbage Patch Kids when I was slightly younger. I would carry my Cabbage Patch Kid everywhere (at the age of 10-11). So it's definitely an aspie trait .

^^^ You really would have gotten along with that Squid guy.

Yup! Squids are great, especially in Minecraft .

How are you today, kraftie?

I'm all right. I'm at the library, working (or mostly not working LOL).

When does school start back up where you are?

Sometime in the beginning of September (I'm not sure which day).

I also have problems with feeling low/depressed. I also get that "life is awesome/life sucks mood"! I really have no idea how to deal with it.

As for getting emotionally attached to objects, I did that a lot! I have a Celebi plushie (her name is Lily) that if you insult her I get really upset! I have another pokemon plushie who I consider a best friend and older brother to my other pokemons, it's Squirtle(his name is Kiwi, named after Kiwi from Shining Force 2) we been through a lot together!

So I think its a normal thing for people with autism! It helps cope with problems in life! (Sensory issues, lack of friends, you know.)

I think joining this place and posting this has definitely helped a bit

It's just nice knowing and hearing other people having similarities to some of the things I experience, as unfortunately I don't know of anyone in the real world that has autism, well at least I don't think I do

I know I keep asking questions (sorry), but I also believe the whole 'routine' thing is a pretty common autism thing?

And has anyone found an affective way of dealing with really bad anxiety, like when around other people? Or when an 'event' is upcoming, and you just get over-the-top nervous/butterflies? I've tried the herbal tablets 'Kalms' in the past and to be honest I'm not sure if they really help that much or if it's just a little placebo effect

Today isn't going well for me.

I volunteer at a charity shop and because of a road closure I ended up not going as wasn't sure how to get there another way and felt quite panicky and anxious

I mostly feel like I've let the people at the shop down because of it.

Possibly the only person to not go in to 'work' because of a road closure?