New therapist questioning my diagnosis - can you help me?

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OP, your therapist needs to become aware that this kind of questioning can lead to an autistic person going into a tailspin of self doubt. This is what I think is happening here, and he simply needs to learn how to talk to an autistic. If you like, tell him that someone on a forum for autistics pointed this out.

I've been going through the diagnostic process recently, and one thing that stands out for me is the difference in the way my original therapist talked to me, which was often frustrating to deal with, and the experience of communicating with someone with extensive knowledge of autism. I've never met anyone who instantly knew how to talk to me before. He also pointed out that questioning one's diagnosis is something autistics tend to do a lot, but most other people don't.

Hi everyone!

I've seen my therapist and I've told him all the discussion we've had here.

He admitted he doesn't have the specialization to diagnose or un-diagnose me, agreed with me when I said mild autism isn't a list of symptoms indicating a problem but a group of peculiarities which can give problems in the outside world but can be dealt with in better ways; he agreed completely when I told mild autism is mild for others and not for the autistic person, and we've decided something very wise:

that I tell him more precisely about my own difficulties (not those of all autistic people in general, those I experience in person) and we're going to deal with just them, which is something he can do without resorting to diagnostic categories that would lead me and him away from my case.

This has led me for example to tell him about all the times I give automatic answers, which make perfect sense in the context but have nothing in common with the thing I actually think, because what I think is usually a long list of questions and confusion about the concepts given for granted by the other person, especially during small talk. But I learned this would be perceived as overwhelming and inappropriate so I shut up and say something random. The problem is that no one really knows me and what's in my mind.

He answered straight: they don't understand each other but they don't know, and so they go on talking without problems precious.

as far as social skills:

I made a conscious decision to turn down my internal censor so that the default setting is that it's okay to go ahead and say something, unless it clearly jumps out at me as inappropriate.

Combined with the skill that, if someone needs space, go ahead and give them space. There'll be plenty of time later to casually mull over whether or not I made a mistake, or maybe they did. Neurotypical people make all kinds of mistakes, too!

Ask him what part of the diagnostic criteria does he not agree that you show or have. If he lists things not in the diagnostic criteria then he isn't qualified to tell you that he doesn't think you are autistic. If he lists things in the diagnostic criteria then you will have something tangible to start a conversation and build an idea of why he thinks this.