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Could my partner have ASD?

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csk1234
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02 Oct 2017, 4:00 pm

StampySquiddyFan wrote:
Excessive eye contact is a symptom of autism. Hyposensitivity exists too, you know!


Yes I feel like he is constantly looking at me to see my expressions or reactions on certain things, then I notice he copies my exact reaction later on in similar situations. Using my exact words and everything. I'm not sure if he knows I notice these things though.



csk1234
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02 Oct 2017, 4:02 pm

magz wrote:
csk1234 wrote:
magz wrote:
I would only add: don't sacrifice your friendships or social life and accept his need to be alone sometimes. And good luck! :)


Thank you so much ^^ I noticed already sometimes he doesn't want to talk, so he just reads my message and ignores it for a while. At first it made me anxious and sending more messages. Now I learnt to just shut up then and he'll come back after some time when he wants to. I don't know what he's doing during this time, he never really talks about it but I guess he just needs to be alone?

Sorting thoughts out, I would say. Autistic brain doesn't easily sort the input it gets (I noticed NTs miss lots of details on a very early stage of processing information... I don't), you remember all the details and need to sort them out more conciously not to get overloaded. It requires time and solitude - even the loved ones provide too much distraction.

Okay I understand. I can see online that when he doesn't respond he is also gaming, so I guess this is his way of clearing his head and I give him some time alone.



Voxish
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02 Oct 2017, 4:06 pm

BTW it’s ok not to talk too, talking and listening is exhausting sometimes for autistic people. Also if it seems like he is not really listening, he probably isn’t. Staying focused is hard work for us especially if it’s just a load of pointless small talk.

I know we can come over as selfish and self centred but we are often the most genuine, honest, loyal people you will meet. We often have a strong moral compass too.


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csk1234
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03 Oct 2017, 3:27 am

Voxish wrote:
BTW it’s ok not to talk too, talking and listening is exhausting sometimes for autistic people. Also if it seems like he is not really listening, he probably isn’t. Staying focused is hard work for us especially if it’s just a load of pointless small talk.

I know we can come over as selfish and self centred but we are often the most genuine, honest, loyal people you will meet. We often have a strong moral compass too.


Thanks for the advice, I'll think about it next time! ^^



ttt2727
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04 Oct 2017, 4:09 am

This sounds exactly like my bf. We are also started doing long distance, he too still lives at home.. except he’s on his 30s... I also get anxious when I see he’s read my important messages and doesn’t respond - I feel very rejected often... but I am learning to be more patient and accepting - it’s really a huge challenge. Some days I want to walk away and almost have, and others days I just keep telling myself it’s worth it because I truly and deeply love him. He also has not been diagnosed... you sound like you’re handling it in a very mature way. I think patience and acceptance is key and learning to give space..



csk1234
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04 Oct 2017, 6:14 am

ttt2727 wrote:
This sounds exactly like my bf. We are also started doing long distance, he too still lives at home.. except he’s on his 30s... I also get anxious when I see he’s read my important messages and doesn’t respond - I feel very rejected often... but I am learning to be more patient and accepting - it’s really a huge challenge. Some days I want to walk away and almost have, and others days I just keep telling myself it’s worth it because I truly and deeply love him. He also has not been diagnosed... you sound like you’re handling it in a very mature way. I think patience and acceptance is key and learning to give space..


Thanks! Yes I try to look at the positive things because I know he really loves me and I love him so I want to make it work. I am 7 years older than him, it's long distance and he isn't allowed to go out much, his parents are very protective of him and don't know about me, so it's very hard at times.
Last week my grandma was in hospital and I sent him a message about it, he read it and didn't respond for hours while he was just at home playing a game on his computer, and it upset me a lot. But then I just need to take a step back and realise he really probably didn't know how to respond. things like this are the hardest.
How long have you and your bf been together? Do you see him often?



ttt2727
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04 Oct 2017, 8:33 am

That is really tough... I’m sorry about your grandma and hope she’s ok... I’ve shared many times concerns I have with my bf, and he just seems nonchalant about it. We met last July and have been exclusive since December. We see each other every 6-8 weeks and we just spent 2 months living together (longest time we have spent together). I had an inkling he has AS before living together, but I am a therapist by profession and always think I’m over diagnosing. After we lived together, things became more apparent. He most always wanted to play games on our phones, spoke like a baby, didn’t really help me with household chores and I felt like I was a mother most of the time. Right now we are on a temp break and aren’t speaking because he went into my phone and read my messages. I’m meant to see him in a few weeks. At this point, I’m just surrendering and trying to be relaxed and give us both space and time .. the irony is he switched the whole phone incident on me, because he found messages that hurt and upset him and made him not trust me... so it’s been a tad tricky... anyway.. have faith that’s what meant to be, will be :)



csk1234
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04 Oct 2017, 9:18 am

ttt2727 wrote:
That is really tough... I’m sorry about your grandma and hope she’s ok... I’ve shared many times concerns I have with my bf, and he just seems nonchalant about it. We met last July and have been exclusive since December. We see each other every 6-8 weeks and we just spent 2 months living together (longest time we have spent together). I had an inkling he has AS before living together, but I am a therapist by profession and always think I’m over diagnosing. After we lived together, things became more apparent. He most always wanted to play games on our phones, spoke like a baby, didn’t really help me with household chores and I felt like I was a mother most of the time. Right now we are on a temp break and aren’t speaking because he went into my phone and read my messages. I’m meant to see him in a few weeks. At this point, I’m just surrendering and trying to be relaxed and give us both space and time .. the irony is he switched the whole phone incident on me, because he found messages that hurt and upset him and made him not trust me... so it’s been a tad tricky... anyway.. have faith that’s what meant to be, will be :)


I just read your topic, and seems like a difficult situation! I'm not good at advice so I'll not give any haha but I hope everything works out for the best. It can be hard sometimes to figure out how to act or respond in certain situations but we can only try to make it work. If you ever need someone to talk, or share things feel free to send me a message, since I kind of can relate with your situation. Maybe it's helpful ^^