Oh, that's why I do that thing

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When I was younger, I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (now considered part of autism spectrum disorder, or social communication disorder in some cases). I ignored it for a long time, but have recently begun to accept and learn more about it. It's a relief to have certain traits of mine explained, especially negative traits that have always frustrated me. Why do I get unreasonably irritated when my plans are disrupted? Why are my senses so easily overwhelmed? Why do I often find it so much effort to engage in minor social interactions? It even explains benign things, like the way I fidget or sometimes move oddly, especially when I'm alone and have no reason get embarrassed about it.

At the same time, it does mean that these problems will likely always be something I struggle with, and not something that I can get over if I just try hard enough. It also means that much of my personality comes from something considered a neurological disorder, and it means that people may see me as lesser if they find out about my diagnosis. That's a little hard to deal with.

Can you guys relate, especially those of you that found out you were on the autism spectrum after childhood?

I don't see why it is unreasonable to get upset at disrupted plans if it involves a betrayal of trust. Somebody has just stolen days or years from my life. Maybe I care because of the biggest distinction of AS - I'm trying to share my enhanced abilities, not just have another day.
Modern schooling has been trying to cram you into one standard mold, but when it cuts off your extra abilities, it can't cram them in to fit the gaps you can't flow into. All the successful people I tried to emulate were very clear about the need to find a working partner with different skills. Unfortunately, it takes a rare NT to see the value in promoting someone else's ideas. Promoters almost always nurture their own stupid notions.

I don't think it can't be helped just because it is a neurological disorder. Things can improve with the age and lifestyle changes. You can learn new ways to copy and control yourself and you also learn how to deal with many situations that are now still new to you. And as for senses - you can get desentialised.
For example I got comfortable with changes of plans simply by realizing the possibility that plans CAN change. If you are aware something unexpected might happen you won't be surprised if it actually happens. And it won't be the end of world if you have enough life experience to create a different route. Inability do deal with change is actually surprise+not knowing how to deal with a new situation.
And ever since I moved to a big city I gotten less sensitive to noise because I experience it everyday.

I find it crazy that people seem to think its ok to go home when they have been there all morning and claim they're ill? or stay at home when there dog has died, her reasoning for staying at home- was to bury the dog? i still can't understand why she couldn't have waited until later. i went to college on a study trip when my rabbit died and i was in physical pain and was crying all day. i still put myself out though to do what I needed to do. i was diagnosed as an adult but sometimes its easier not to know. it helps to get access to money and services but otherwise its effectively labelling you as the problem which isolates you even further in an already difficult world

Well, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect people to stick to their word! But sometimes things happen anyway, and I have to deal with it. So I try not to let it put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. It's worst when I have spent a long time mentally preparing myself for something, then that turns out to be for nothing.
Honestly, in high school I felt unchallenged, and in college I felt overwhelmed. I work in a library now and am actually surprised at how well they take my input into account. Despite me being much younger than everyone else and very quiet (maybe being quiet helps in a library, lol), they listen to my suggestions & sometimes implement them. I'm really lucky to have a job that fits me.


That's an interesting way to look at dealing with change; I didn't think of it like that before. It does help when I am expecting the possibility that things might go differently.
As for sensory issues, I think the main thing that's helped is being an adult and having more control over my environment. I can keep things how I like in my apartment, and can usually leave a situation if it's too much. Even knowing that leaving is a possibility helps me deal with things better.
I have gotten much better at dealing with certain situations over time, especially social ones, so I guess I'm not hopeless.


Well, sometimes things can't be helped, so I try not to blame other people. I do try to get through the day if I'm already at work or something and suddenly start feeling unwell. The burying the dog thing just sounds like an excuse, and what she really wanted was time to grieve alone. But that's just a guess. I know I hate being emotional in public. Sorry about your rabbit.
When I was first diagnosed, it did feel like I was being labeled as the problem. That's part of why I tried to ignore it for so long. But I dunno, can't ignore reality forever. I doubt I'll tell many people about it, though.

I can relate. I only recently figured out and got diagnosed. And suddenly have an explanation for a lot of my experience that was just weird and unexplainable before. Kind of intense sometimes.

elbowgrease, yes, definitely! I also sometimes catch myself doing things I didn't consciously realize I did. I've thought "Well, maybe the doctors were right, but I dunno, I don't do the hand flapping thing..." then caught myself flapping my hands when I was alone and excited about something. It felt like a bigger realization than it probably seems.

Yes, I can relate a lot. I have been officially diagnosed with PDD NOS when I was 4, but my parents thought it would be better not to tell me anything. That was OK when I was a preschooler, but I think I ought to have been told by the time I hit puberty and was made painfully aware of my differentness and social disability by my new bullying classmates. I wasn´t. I had to grow up without an explanation. I tried to copy other people in order to fit in. By the time I turned 18 I had no friends, but I could at least pass for normal and have regular conversations.

As a young adult I was not as stressed as in high school, so my symptoms diminished. I had no reason to suspect anything anymore. However, in December of 2016, I had the brilliant idea of asking my mother whether any of my therapists (I have gone to therapy since I was in preschool) had ever diagnosed me with anything. My mother was reluctant to answer. 'Everybody is different, regardless of the diagnosis. It doesn´t really matter,' she said. But I insisted, and in the end she told me. I didn´t know what PDD NOS was, so I googled it. When I found it meant autism I was deeply shocked.

I was very depressed for about a week, but then I started doing some research on ASD and tried to identify in which ways its criteria applied to me. I reflected on my attempts at friendship, on my childhood meltdowns, on my obsessive interests and so on. Eventually, I overcame my depression and my pessimistic outlook on life as I read blogs by autistic adults and realized that my initial fears ('I´m never going to get married/have friends/have a successful career') were unfounded. Almost a year has happened since then, but I keep researching the topic because ASD has now become one of my special interests.

Yes, I was especially troubled by anything that I wasn't expecting -- even Christmas gifts created a lot of anxiety. Anyone changing plans near to the event, especially if the reason was 'I just changed my mind', made me so angry. I felt overly betrayed, as if they did it on purpose just to make me upset. Sometimes that was true, but now I know that most of the time the people in my life back then were just very spontaneous. I rarely ever made plans with anyone after the age of 12, because had been let down so many times I refused to do anything with anyone, because of the possibility they would change times or dates or not show up or any number of other unexpected/unplanned actions. It was too much of an emotion risk for me. I'm more flexible, but still don't invest my emotions on anyone or events. My home projects are the exception. I love creating my 2 workshops, but sometimes I have to depend on others to deliver materials or help me on part of it & it is still very difficult when they can't be here as planned, or they get here & are unable to perform the task they promised.