Conflicted about Faking Friendships
IgA wrote:
lol, well, thanks but doubt that there is any real fandom happening. I'm not any more a public figure than someone posting their activities on facebook or this forum. My youtube channel is nothing more than me working on my own property & doing DIY projects.
Don't sell yourself short. A purple chameleon doing yard work is just naturally going to attract a lot of fans.
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Edna3362 wrote:
"Faking Friendships" you mean people who are friends with 'your façade' and not your 'true self'?
And by means of maintaining it as a personal burden yet your intention is mainly for having social contact and semblance of normalcy -- for simply the sake of being 'social' and 'normal' yet not internalized and left your personal preferences and personality unsaid and unheard?
I never had such relationships myself because I knew the whole thing is supposedly a two-way thing. But I did have one-sided relationships -- it's just that I'm not the one who 'keeps things up' because I still had a long way to go there, social desires or not.
The OP isn't antisocial lol no. Perhaps the inversed of that.
He just blends and mask but never truly fits in -- yet perhaps he do wanna fit in, internally, and want to be belonged yet it isn't felt -- because his means of keeping the relationship he wants to keep is through a façade.
And settled with fitting in, externally. Thus the personal burden.
There's a good, good, chance that if he reveals his true self to others, it'll put his friends off -- this has nothing to do with moral character, but with the 'vibe', impressions', whatever illusion NTs usually enforce to keep the social order that keeps the odd out-out. Hence the façade.
If OP is finding a solution... I don't know how to help him. Unless he doesn't want to play it safe, which is highly unlikely.
But if he wants to feel good about being social for once, maybe without changing his stance, perhaps he had to figure what his current role is at the surface, which role he wants, and to what end or purpose he intends to happen that is beyond the socializing for the sake of being social.
Contemplate about it perhaps, about the end and not just the means. Even if the means are exhausting and a rather heavy work of a burden somehow, it had to be questioned if it's all worth the trouble.
But if he turns out to be alexithymiac, I seriously do not know how to help him at all. And the entire thing would be different.
And by means of maintaining it as a personal burden yet your intention is mainly for having social contact and semblance of normalcy -- for simply the sake of being 'social' and 'normal' yet not internalized and left your personal preferences and personality unsaid and unheard?
I never had such relationships myself because I knew the whole thing is supposedly a two-way thing. But I did have one-sided relationships -- it's just that I'm not the one who 'keeps things up' because I still had a long way to go there, social desires or not.
The OP isn't antisocial lol no. Perhaps the inversed of that.
He just blends and mask but never truly fits in -- yet perhaps he do wanna fit in, internally, and want to be belonged yet it isn't felt -- because his means of keeping the relationship he wants to keep is through a façade.
And settled with fitting in, externally. Thus the personal burden.
There's a good, good, chance that if he reveals his true self to others, it'll put his friends off -- this has nothing to do with moral character, but with the 'vibe', impressions', whatever illusion NTs usually enforce to keep the social order that keeps the odd out-out. Hence the façade.
If OP is finding a solution... I don't know how to help him. Unless he doesn't want to play it safe, which is highly unlikely.
But if he wants to feel good about being social for once, maybe without changing his stance, perhaps he had to figure what his current role is at the surface, which role he wants, and to what end or purpose he intends to happen that is beyond the socializing for the sake of being social.
Contemplate about it perhaps, about the end and not just the means. Even if the means are exhausting and a rather heavy work of a burden somehow, it had to be questioned if it's all worth the trouble.
But if he turns out to be alexithymiac, I seriously do not know how to help him at all. And the entire thing would be different.
No, my channel isn't a façade. I rarely even talk. All I do is show me doing DIY projects. They admire my persistence & work ethic. Your assumption of my gender as male is incorrect. People find it interesting to watch a small female do a lot of heavy labor for some reason. I was doing these things anyway, so decided to take video of it & see what happens. A few years later & now I have people across the world, male & female, admiring my work online. The issues I have offline stem from people misunderstanding me & making wild assumptions that to me seem to come from no where. I really don't know what caused a few of my neighbors to gang-stalk me so often & for a long time, ... don't even know them. I kept to myself for a long time & was harassed -- don't understand why. I had to reach out to the world & gain positive interactions or was going to go insane from the real-life harassment I was suffering from. I was motivated to decrease the effect the jerks in my community were having on my mental health. It worked -- having positive interactions online did decrease the effect the jerks were having on me. They still harass me, but their actions no longer trigger extreme hatred. That was an awful feeling. I'm not a hateful person at all, but when exposed to harassment for a long period of time, I did develop it & was scared of what it may cause me to do.
IgA wrote:
Edna3362 wrote:
"Faking Friendships" you mean people who are friends with 'your façade' and not your 'true self'?
And by means of maintaining it as a personal burden yet your intention is mainly for having social contact and semblance of normalcy -- for simply the sake of being 'social' and 'normal' yet not internalized and left your personal preferences and personality unsaid and unheard?
I never had such relationships myself because I knew the whole thing is supposedly a two-way thing. But I did have one-sided relationships -- it's just that I'm not the one who 'keeps things up' because I still had a long way to go there, social desires or not.
The OP isn't antisocial lol no. Perhaps the inversed of that.
He just blends and mask but never truly fits in -- yet perhaps he do wanna fit in, internally, and want to be belonged yet it isn't felt -- because his means of keeping the relationship he wants to keep is through a façade.
And settled with fitting in, externally. Thus the personal burden.
There's a good, good, chance that if he reveals his true self to others, it'll put his friends off -- this has nothing to do with moral character, but with the 'vibe', impressions', whatever illusion NTs usually enforce to keep the social order that keeps the odd out-out. Hence the façade.
If OP is finding a solution... I don't know how to help him. Unless he doesn't want to play it safe, which is highly unlikely.
But if he wants to feel good about being social for once, maybe without changing his stance, perhaps he had to figure what his current role is at the surface, which role he wants, and to what end or purpose he intends to happen that is beyond the socializing for the sake of being social.
Contemplate about it perhaps, about the end and not just the means. Even if the means are exhausting and a rather heavy work of a burden somehow, it had to be questioned if it's all worth the trouble.
But if he turns out to be alexithymiac, I seriously do not know how to help him at all. And the entire thing would be different.
And by means of maintaining it as a personal burden yet your intention is mainly for having social contact and semblance of normalcy -- for simply the sake of being 'social' and 'normal' yet not internalized and left your personal preferences and personality unsaid and unheard?
I never had such relationships myself because I knew the whole thing is supposedly a two-way thing. But I did have one-sided relationships -- it's just that I'm not the one who 'keeps things up' because I still had a long way to go there, social desires or not.
The OP isn't antisocial lol no. Perhaps the inversed of that.
He just blends and mask but never truly fits in -- yet perhaps he do wanna fit in, internally, and want to be belonged yet it isn't felt -- because his means of keeping the relationship he wants to keep is through a façade.
And settled with fitting in, externally. Thus the personal burden.
There's a good, good, chance that if he reveals his true self to others, it'll put his friends off -- this has nothing to do with moral character, but with the 'vibe', impressions', whatever illusion NTs usually enforce to keep the social order that keeps the odd out-out. Hence the façade.
If OP is finding a solution... I don't know how to help him. Unless he doesn't want to play it safe, which is highly unlikely.
But if he wants to feel good about being social for once, maybe without changing his stance, perhaps he had to figure what his current role is at the surface, which role he wants, and to what end or purpose he intends to happen that is beyond the socializing for the sake of being social.
Contemplate about it perhaps, about the end and not just the means. Even if the means are exhausting and a rather heavy work of a burden somehow, it had to be questioned if it's all worth the trouble.
But if he turns out to be alexithymiac, I seriously do not know how to help him at all. And the entire thing would be different.
No, my channel isn't a façade. I rarely even talk. All I do is show me doing DIY projects. They admire my persistence & work ethic. Your assumption of my gender as male is incorrect. People find it interesting to watch a small female do a lot of heavy labor for some reason. I was doing these things anyway, so decided to take video of it & see what happens. A few years later & now I have people across the world, male & female, admiring my work online. The issues I have offline stem from people misunderstanding me & making wild assumptions that to me seem to come from no where. I really don't know what caused a few of my neighbors to gang-stalk me so often & for a long time, ... don't even know them. I kept to myself for a long time & was harassed -- don't understand why. I had to reach out to the world & gain positive interactions or was going to go insane from the real-life harassment I was suffering from. I was motivated to decrease the effect the jerks in my community were having on my mental health. It worked -- having positive interactions online did decrease the effect the jerks were having on me. They still harass me, but their actions no longer trigger extreme hatred. That was an awful feeling. I'm not a hateful person at all, but when exposed to harassment for a long period of time, I did develop it & was scared of what it may cause me to do.
Ah, I see... Sorry about that.
Net did saved me during my worst years. And did find certain people who do understand -- they didn't had to be aspies or admirers.
And they didn't had to know my life story as an aspie, or as myself as whole. Heck I made sure no one could ever seen a portrait of myself unless they met me IRL.
I myself had a fruitful net life once...
To crave positive interaction online with any means to remain sane?
Ah, I'd been wary about that with myself in the past. I sort of prevented myself to end up on such point no matter what misfortune I ended up with in real life.
And I found out that I don't like it when a community is actually dependent of my presence in order to maintain order and positivity. Same with the other way around.
I'm not sure about you... In the end, it's your choice if it's worth keeping that way, or ready to let go of it once you find a good breathing space in real life.
To be guilty to keep and maintain things the way things are, or be dependent by it is nothing to be ashamed of especially if it's for the sake of your mental health.
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