How separation from parents affects kids on the spectrum

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Hi everyone, I'm looking for any studies, articles, personal anecdotes, etc. about how separation from either parent affects autistic children.

I'll just tell my story in a nutshell. My son turns 4 today, and thanks to a mental breakdown I had as a result of my ex's narcissistic abuse in my marriage, I have been fighting for the last 2 years to get him back with me. Both my son and I are on the spectrum.

They're (child services and his father) concerned about his development, and I need some way to get them to see if they're really so concerned about his development, to stop doing the one thing that will screw up his development more than just about anything else, that is, continuing this separation from me. I was never abusive, I've never even yelled at him, yet we only see each other every 2 weeks with supervision for 2 hours.

One thing they mention a lot is he doesn't make eye contact, well, he makes eye contact with me! That right there should say a lot, but they only see what they want to see, my ex sees my son as a source of narcissistic supply, and child services sees him as a cash cow. He's not verbal yet, and I get the feeling the separation from me is preventing him from being verbal. We live in Holland where my ex is from, and my first language is English, which has always been my son's dominant language. When he's with me, he starts slowly but surely saying more and more words in English. If somehow he could be with me for at least a whole weekend, I get the feeling he would be conversational, maybe just in English and not yet in Dutch, but still. He clearly understands both languages in any case.

One more thing worth pointing out is lately, whenever he sees me, he will push away the social worker, his father, or whoever brought him to me, yell "Bye!" in Dutch, if they don't go away immediately he'll yell "Bye!" in English, and then proceed to be all over me as soon as they're gone. Making lots of eye contact with me, which they say he doesn't do.

So I need any good studies, articles, or personal anecdotes to demonstrate that what they are doing is damaging him more than its helping him.

Well, common sense should be on your side, but that is rare. Shop around, and try to find allies, probably outside the system. Sometimes politicians can help. Maybe you can video or otherwise document improvements with your care.
I have no trouble with the hypothesis that your ex is narcissistic, and would bet that caregivers care about their jobs most, but also expect strong resistance to any such suggestions from you unless you are agreeing with a majority. Good luck.
My mother was AS, and I never bonded with either parent. She left dad when I was 15, and I left at 17.

I feel you with not bonding with either parent.

Unfortunately most people don't see things the way I do, most people are still so ignorant, and in this case, the people making decisions with my son are all ignorant and get defensive if you try to educate them.

I'm about to launch a blog in any case, which for now is going to be a fitness and nutrition blog, I'm a yoga and pilates teacher and trying to get in personal training clients to supplement my income and pay for rebuilding my life basically. But if this is still going on in 1/2 - 1 year, God forbid, then I'll also use it to highlight how I have improved and how child services is so corrupt.

In Dutch, they call child services "jeugdbescherming", with social workers calling themselves "jeugdbeschermers", jeugd means youth and bescherming means protection. I joke (well, not really joke) all the time that it should be called "jeugdbeschadiging", with beschadiging meaning damaging. Because that's what they're doing. It's the ultimate hypocrisy.

I’m so sorry you, and your son are going through this. Separating any young child from their mother is going to negatively impact all involved.

Definitely. I hope somehow I can get them to see that, they claim to be experts on children but they refuse to see it.

I really hope things work out for you and your son.