Why do social interactions wear you out?

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Too much stress over what I'm going to say, what my reaction should be. What if it's wrong and I offend the other person? Also, every social interaction is a potential commitment--to discover things in common and risk that person wanting to talk to you repeatedly in the future. I'm wary of that. And by the end of the encounter, I usually feel that I've failed in some way or another--to communicate effectively, to satisfy the other person, etc. That's because I'm easily distracted by background noise and clueless about what to say next, leading to awkward pauses.

All of that wears me out and makes it easier just to avoid socializing at all.

I often find nearby conversations can be a highly distracting form of background noise. It's certainly no fun ending up an unintended evesdropper on everything within around 10 metres.

I'd tend to find being directly questioned easier to handle than having to work out if things are intended to be statements or questions.

If they're intelligent, or even 'deep', then I'll talk with them for ages. If not, it's kind of like communicating with a lesser animal.

That said, I would NEVER be mean unless they were mean themselves. Coldness is the biggest turnoff for me.

I've spoken with autistic people before, and I will try my best to go for their sweet spots (eg. trying to ask about their favourite topic, although I can't really get far with it).

That's very nice of you. I don't know how many times people have gotten angry with me because I want to talk about something I love to death and think they would too if they'd give it half a chance.

It got to the point I was too scared to mention them to anyone. My ex and only partner used to say, "Not this $h!t
again?!" Nice!

Bah, that's not a person worth keeping. You know you've found someone good when even your weaknesses aren't a problem to them.
The only thing I truly find unnecessary is manipulativeness or controlling behaviour, which is what pushed me away from my ex. It was a shame, because everything else was 10/10.

And for the record, what is it you would love to talk about?

I am introverted, I don't mind being selective about when I see friends, although I hate it when people call around unexpectedly. The worst is when I'm caught of guard with somebody's chit chatter and I am desperately trying to find some words to counteract the conversation. Loud noises don't bother me as much on a every day basis. It's usually silly unexpected noises like a plastic bottle clicking, or the TV cracking as it is cooling down, or a text message sometimes makes me jump out of my skin. If I am trying to have a conversation and there are loads of people talking or I'm in a place with loud music then forget it, I can't hear any conversation. If there are more than one person talking at the same time I can't cope. Having serious discussions about something And disagreeing but it turns out both people were on the same tracks anyway. People not understanding my logic and visa versa. Being to open about myself and being to honest and trusting in people, leaving myself open to attack. People just get on my nerves in every way sometimes, I don't like them invading my space, touching me or even being around me sometimes and simply because I don't want to conform anymore and I would like to retreat to my own space for a while. Usually I can't be bothered to listen to most conversation so I just zone out. I'm good at some discussions, and sometimes it's like trying to understand a foreign language.

Perhaps if learn another language? X)

Sure, no what I mean by that is I only here parts of what there saying, or I hear what there saying and it's my language but I still don't understand the sentence or joke, there has been lots of times I can remember just saying yes to things or just smiling without actually understanding. I have studied the art of ignorance now. It's not a language that's I can control, it's like it happens to fast and it can happen every second of the day and it seems only I notice most of it when it happens

Being miss understood, not articulating my self or getting the point across properly.

Misunderstanding what people say, taking things the wrong way, getting anxious about it.

I enjoy one-on-one conversations in a pleasant, quiet atmosphere. It's when there's too much background noise and over three people present that it gets difficult. I have to sometimes politely ask people to turn down their TV or radio if not turn it off because it makes me VERY uncomfortable, especially if there's depressing, scary or violent things being broadcast. My mother understands this but my dad who is hard of hearing has the TV up so loud whenever I come visit that my mom has to remind him to turn it off when we're eating or playing a board game together. My dad watches a lot of Westerns and action movies where their definition of action is two or three people getting brutally killed every five minutes. Just putting up with it is exhausting and I can't figure how my mom can stand it or why she hasn't gone deaf by now. I get tired and stressed out just watching other people rushing around like maniacs trying to get twenty things done at once, that's just not my style. Being around people and situations like that and not say or do anything insulting or inappropriate is like being an actor who has to constantly rehearse and work and be in character all the time, with no vacation, no sick leave, and no pay.

I usually get worn out by boring and annoying people. Or people who change the topic too much.

I seem to get little pleasure from talking to people, even those I have known a long time. It becomes physically and mentally draining to engage, to keep the right eye-contact, keep thinking of appropriate responses and ways to keep the conversation going. I worry about saying or doing the wrong thing and I find it takes a lot of effort to avoid going around in circles or becoming fixated on my own issues. I'm also generally just not really interested in other people or what they have to say and I get bored.

I'm not super intelligent or 'deep' but I do find some people to be very shallow and...well... thick or at least ignorant. I have no time for them or others that may be overly loud and opinionated.

After an hour of quiet 1-2-1 I need time to reset my emotions somewhere completely quiet and alone. In small or larger groups this time is often reduced, especially if there is a lot of background noise or activity.

I don't know how much of this is just having an introverted personality.

When I tell my mom that I have to think so much about what goes into a social interaction, she tells me to stop overthinking it. She must not realize that I have to process things cognitively and that it doesn't come naturally to me like it does for her. She accepts the fact that I have autism and knew I must have had it as a kid (I wasn't diagnosed until a few years ago, I'm 34 years old). I really hate it when she says that I'm over-analyzing things and that I need to stop it. Ha! There's no way for me to stop it and still function even at the mediocre level I maintain.

I'm not entirely sure why I got worn out after socializing but I suspect it could be the fact that I'm always battling with myself to appear and behave neurotypical. Whenever I'm in public and I have to engage, I find myself consciously filtering out inappropriate responses in my mind before I can speak. I have to bite my tongue because for some reason no matter what conversation I'm currently in, I keep wanting to change the subject to a geeky special interest/hobby of mine just so I can prattle on and on about it. I am dying to bring something irrelevant and only of interest to myself into the conversation, but I know that this would most likely be received negatively. So, I bite my tongue and I try in vain to find something pertinent to the current discussion. Most of the time, this doesn't happen. I am reduced to rote, cliche, and predictable lines like "uh huh," "sure," "yeah," "yes," "no," to indicate that I'm listening. Unfortunately, this results in making the other person think I'm bored or disinterested which isn't always the case. I usually use these filler phrases because I am fighting so hard not to just blurt out something about my special interest, or murmur a complaint about how I'm feeling, or maybe it's because I have nothing to add to the discussion because frankly I'm not that interested or know nothing about what the other person is talking about. It's a nightmare most of the time, but I force myself to muddle through. Hence, I get mentally exhausted as a result and often need a day or two of rest afterwards.

I was reading recently that self-control is something that gets fatigued and packs up if it's applied too strongly and for too long. Seems to me that the need for self-control is part of any social situation, and if you're aware that your natural behaviour is likely to annoy, you're going to be controlling yourself quite hard. Not really surprising that there's a risk of a meltdown. But there are lots of other factors.