Feel so lost in life right now

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Been mostly Depressed recently got turned down for SSI again been trying for it since 2011 had my doctors approval and my lawyer thought I had good shot had all kinds of medial evidence to back me up and they just twist statements against me and vaguely cite rules without any proof to deny me we are appealing it to appeals court but read it takes at lest 8 months from them and usually if they dont deny your review it goes back to Judge thats another 4-6 months for hearing and another 1-3 months to hear back just in really dark place I wish I could just work but cant think of anything that will last where I could support myself I live with family just really sucks because I was going to get rally healthy exercise try to meditate eat healthy I just dont know how Im going to make it that long its so not right them not providing proof to deny me who goes against your docter and other doters that diagnosed me? any advice would help having alot of bad thoughts if things don;t improve I just might end it all

IIRC SSI is the American social security pay? I'm sorry to hear you're having so much trouble; the system really is f***ed up when it comes to getting the help you deserve. I struggled getting the English equivalent, though nowhere near as much as you have.

I can't help you obviously, but I can say this: Don't give up. You be a thorn in the side of those twats, you don't let them get you down, you keep going until they give in. They want you to give up, it's f***ing horrible but they do. You have to out-stubborn them with the help of your doctors and lawyers. I know it feels like sh*t right now, and it is, but you have a family and you can do this. I've felt like jumping in front of a train before but I was too stubborn to let them win; you have to be the same.

I wish you luck.

Thanks Man ill try I should win an appeal its most bizarre denial I have seen yet and ive been thru two prior its like they just thru out vague stuff and twisted my words my lawyer got them pretty good in his rebuttal most messed up thing was they didnt consider how my conditions would affect me at work even though they acknowledged I had them thought that was whole point of going to court if my lucky they just outright approve me its rare but happens worst case they send it back to Judge and she has to actually do her job fairly and rightly like she should have done first go around. Ill try my best to hang on its just long wait and im stuck in small town in Missouri I dont want to be in barly any friends ones I do have just want stuff not real true friends their selfish people and have just little bit of family but I do appreciate them.

Twisting your words and being general d**kheads is kinda their job, sadly; I don't know how they sleep at night. I'm sorry your friends are so fickle, hopefully you can find a true friend soon. I'm glad your family are there for you though, don't worry too much cos they're not gonna let you be thrown out on the street and starve.