Do you want to move out of your parents' house?

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blazingstar
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23 May 2018, 5:31 am

green0star wrote:
I would like to live on my own eventually but my parents don't want me to and constantly tell me that I'm not capable so I just have to deal with that.


Can you assess your own capabilities without your parents' input? It's not so much what you know how to do right now, but what you can learn. It's not what help you may need, but how to get the assistance you need.


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blazingstar
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23 May 2018, 5:37 am

elsapelsa wrote:
blazingstar wrote:
^^^ $740/month is about what SSI is. It means that most people need at least one apartment/house mate to be able to afford to live independently.

I left home at age 15. It is amazing what one can do when one is desperate. I did get help from a variety of different sources, but nothing due to a disability and no government help until college when I got Pell Grants and other scholarships.


Me too. Although as I was able to live in a family property that was vacant so I didn't have to deal with financial independence. Living alone from 15 saved me. Everything got better after that point.


Saved me too. While there were many struggles and failures, learning to cope and problem solve in the outside world was better than being so vulnerable at "home."


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24 May 2018, 2:53 am

I live with my Grandmother, as I always have. I'd like to be independent, but I can't take care of myself on my own, so I'll always live with someone. When my Grandmother dies, I'll probably have to go live with my father, who doesn't understand autism and thinks it's an excuse to be lazy. It will likely suck. I wish there were organizations to help people like me, but they simply don't exist where I live and likely never will. Once you turn 18 you're truly on your own.



green0star
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24 May 2018, 8:25 am

blazingstar wrote:
green0star wrote:
I would like to live on my own eventually but my parents don't want me to and constantly tell me that I'm not capable so I just have to deal with that.


Can you assess your own capabilities without your parents' input? It's not so much what you know how to do right now, but what you can learn. It's not what help you may need, but how to get the assistance you need.


I don't really have actual skills outside the arts and to be realistic being an "artist" doesn't get you very far in today's world



kraftiekortie
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24 May 2018, 8:26 am

Do you know how to type at least 30 words a minute?

If so, you could be a data-entry operator.



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24 May 2018, 8:29 am

green0star wrote:
blazingstar wrote:
green0star wrote:
I would like to live on my own eventually but my parents don't want me to and constantly tell me that I'm not capable so I just have to deal with that.


Can you assess your own capabilities without your parents' input? It's not so much what you know how to do right now, but what you can learn. It's not what help you may need, but how to get the assistance you need.


I don't really have actual skills outside the arts and to be realistic being an "artist" doesn't get you very far in today's world


I disagree, it's easier than ever to succeed as an artist today. Try deviantart to get a following.


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24 May 2018, 8:35 am

Some parents get stuck and don't want their kids to become independent. They may just get frustrated trying to teach life skills to someone with a different thought process. When I moved out I didn't even know what cooking oil was used for, but I learned on the job, and by living among people in similar circumstances.
I spent one Christmas with students who didn't want to go home, and it felt more like family than going home for me.



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24 May 2018, 9:42 am

No, but I did live independently for 20 years.



green0star
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25 May 2018, 10:01 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Do you know how to type at least 30 words a minute?

If so, you could be a data-entry operator.


Ahh people are still doing that? I was supposed to do that years ago but my parents decided it wasn't a good fit for me because they felt I was "addicted to the computer". It was a program that if I had taken it then I would have had to find a job right away kinda like.

Arganger wrote:
green0star wrote:
blazingstar wrote:
green0star wrote:
I would like to live on my own eventually but my parents don't want me to and constantly tell me that I'm not capable so I just have to deal with that.


Can you assess your own capabilities without your parents' input? It's not so much what you know how to do right now, but what you can learn. It's not what help you may need, but how to get the assistance you need.


I don't really have actual skills outside the arts and to be realistic being an "artist" doesn't get you very far in today's world


I disagree, it's easier than ever to succeed as an artist today. Try deviantart to get a following.


Only certain people succeed on DevientArt if you know what I mean.



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26 May 2018, 3:28 pm

I moved out when I moved in with my girlfriend at 30. I lived with my parents till then because I have physical disabilities in addition to my Aspergers that would make it very hard for me to live alone. I also didn't have any other options I could move to cuz my only income was SSI & latter SSDI. I have worked some but only about 38 months & I couldn't move out when i was working cuz I was dependent on my parents for transportation to & from work since it was a rural area with no real public transportation. I had NO choice but to live with my parents who resented me for it cuz they felt their job as parents should of been done 1ce their kid graduates. My parents got so frustrated with me living with them that they bought a house for me but my dad only fixed it up enough to get one bedroom ready & then they let my aunt move in cuz she needed a place to stay & then the plan was for dad to fix it up enough for me to be able to move in with her but I HATED the idea of living with her even more than I hated living with my parents. My current girlfriend cant handle living alone & had a Section 8 housing voucher as well as SSI & other services so I moved to be with her. I felt very trapped living with my parents & the area they live. My mom really gripped about me living with them & threatened to kick me out aLOT. I couldn't move into a group home because I don't have the rite diagnoses or am severely disabled enough by one disability to quality. I'm disabled by lots of disabilities but not severely disabled enough by one to quality for services specially related to it. I HATED being single so I think my ideal living situation is living with a romantic partner. i'm a lot more independent since I moved out of my parents.


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27 May 2018, 8:03 am

nick007 wrote:
I moved out when I moved in with my girlfriend at 30. I lived with my parents till then because I have physical disabilities in addition to my Aspergers that would make it very hard for me to live alone. I also didn't have any other options I could move to cuz my only income was SSI & latter SSDI. I have worked some but only about 38 months & I couldn't move out when i was working cuz I was dependent on my parents for transportation to & from work since it was a rural area with no real public transportation. I had NO choice but to live with my parents who resented me for it cuz they felt their job as parents should of been done 1ce their kid graduates. My parents got so frustrated with me living with them that they bought a house for me but my dad only fixed it up enough to get one bedroom ready & then they let my aunt move in cuz she needed a place to stay & then the plan was for dad to fix it up enough for me to be able to move in with her but I HATED the idea of living with her even more than I hated living with my parents. My current girlfriend cant handle living alone & had a Section 8 housing voucher as well as SSI & other services so I moved to be with her. I felt very trapped living with my parents & the area they live. My mom really gripped about me living with them & threatened to kick me out aLOT. I couldn't move into a group home because I don't have the rite diagnoses or am severely disabled enough by one disability to quality. I'm disabled by lots of disabilities but not severely disabled enough by one to quality for services specially related to it. I HATED being single so I think my ideal living situation is living with a romantic partner. i'm a lot more independent since I moved out of my parents.


Easier said then done, especially when your parents HATE your significant other. I actually want to do the right thing by getting married first and then living with the SO since my parents will shame me into depression otherwise. But its not easy when your parents hate your boyfriend.



nick007
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27 May 2018, 8:18 am

green0star wrote:
nick007 wrote:
I moved out when I moved in with my girlfriend at 30. I lived with my parents till then because I have physical disabilities in addition to my Aspergers that would make it very hard for me to live alone. I also didn't have any other options I could move to cuz my only income was SSI & latter SSDI. I have worked some but only about 38 months & I couldn't move out when i was working cuz I was dependent on my parents for transportation to & from work since it was a rural area with no real public transportation. I had NO choice but to live with my parents who resented me for it cuz they felt their job as parents should of been done 1ce their kid graduates. My parents got so frustrated with me living with them that they bought a house for me but my dad only fixed it up enough to get one bedroom ready & then they let my aunt move in cuz she needed a place to stay & then the plan was for dad to fix it up enough for me to be able to move in with her but I HATED the idea of living with her even more than I hated living with my parents. My current girlfriend cant handle living alone & had a Section 8 housing voucher as well as SSI & other services so I moved to be with her. I felt very trapped living with my parents & the area they live. My mom really gripped about me living with them & threatened to kick me out aLOT. I couldn't move into a group home because I don't have the rite diagnoses or am severely disabled enough by one disability to quality. I'm disabled by lots of disabilities but not severely disabled enough by one to quality for services specially related to it. I HATED being single so I think my ideal living situation is living with a romantic partner. i'm a lot more independent since I moved out of my parents.


Easier said then done, especially when your parents HATE your significant other. I actually want to do the right thing by getting married first and then living with the SO since my parents will shame me into depression otherwise. But its not easy when your parents hate your boyfriend.
I can see why that would be a big problem. I would of married my girlfriend by now but we're both disabled & it would screwup her benefits. My parents are actually more critical of me than they are of Cass. They sometimes ask her things like "How do you put up with him or insert various characteristic about me?". I think my parents are alot happier I'm not still stuck living with them.


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Dear_one
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27 May 2018, 8:25 am

Parental advice on who to marry can be invaluable, or hazardous. It can be hard to tell the difference ahead of time, but one indication might be how mature and happy their own relationship seems.



Janeiya
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27 May 2018, 8:45 am

When I was younger I didn't imagine myself ever moving out, I thought I would live with my mum forever.
That all changed, I think the turning point for me was when I had to start paying rent to my mum, not that I thought it was unfair that I had to contribute but she didn't gave me a choice for how much I had to contribute and I didn't agree with her about the amount (even though it was a pretty fair amount).
I just felt that if I had to pay to live with my mum I might as well pay a bit more and live on my own, especially because I started to feel less and less comfortable at home always having to adjust when my mum was around (not being able to sit where i wanted, listen to music as loud as I wanted, watch tv when I wanted things like that, it was her house so she decided. Which is also not unfair but it really bothered me. Also having to do chores really bothered me, again she didn't ask for too much just doing the dishes or vacuum clean or something like that but whenever I HAD to do something that would just feel so loaded and annoying and like pressure even if it was just a simple 10 minute thing..
All in all it wasn't a good place for me to live anymore and it wasn't very nice for my mum either.
It was hard to move out because I only had disability pay (not sure what the proper term is in english) and I couldn't find anything affordable where I would have everything for myself (own kitchen, bathroom etc.) so I ended up moving to a much smaller city but still close to my hometown, it's like 10 min. by train and 20 by car from where my mum lives.
Even though financially it's quite tough it definitely was the right choice for me, I've got my own place, a tiny apartment but it's fine. I can do what I want when I want it and make my own rules.
I may not take care of myself as much as I probably should (I don't cook very often and cleaning well... it happens when it happens haha) but i'm so happy I have my own place now and don't think I could ever live with someone again, maybe, hopefully I one day will find a partner with whom I could live but I highly doubt I'll be able to keep it up without getting overstimulated constantly.
Anyway I moved out when I had just turned 20 and have been living here for almost 4 years now. I found an awesome part time job that is in the same street that I live in and am able to earn a little more than just the disability pay. I still don't have a lot but I am pretty fine with my living and working situation at the moment.



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27 May 2018, 8:54 am

^^^^ Great story! I am so happy for you.


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27 May 2018, 9:16 am

I would someday like to live by myself, but I'm not ready yet. I have a lot of work to do before I can consider it.