Jealous of peers and family get more privileges?

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Summer_Twilight
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03 Aug 2018, 8:32 am

Hi:
I wanted to know if there was anyone in here who has seen your siblings and other family members and peers seem to have more privileges - say driving a car, getting their own place, doing things that your parents, teachers and other are afraid of you doing. If so, have you ever gotten really envious of them?



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03 Aug 2018, 2:33 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Hi: I wanted to know if there was anyone in here who has seen your siblings and other family members and peers seem to have more privileges - say driving a car, getting their own place, doing things that your parents, teachers and other are afraid of you doing. If so, have you ever gotten really envious of them?
I was envious of others being able to drive until I earned a driver's license of my own.

I was envious of others having their own places to live until I earned enough money to get a place of my own.

I was envious of others being able to do things I they wouldn't allow me to do until I began living on my own.

You see, rights are intrinsic, in that you have them automatically by virtue of being born, while privileges are extrinsic, in that you have them by virtue of meeting certain standards.



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03 Aug 2018, 3:34 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Hi:
I wanted to know if there was anyone in here who has seen your siblings and other family members and peers seem to have more privileges - say driving a car, getting their own place, doing things that your parents, teachers and other are afraid of you doing. If so, have you ever gotten really envious of them?


My siblings got more leniency and material posessions than I did but I was allowed to have less supervision because I didn't talk to strangers and my parents thought I had good judgement.

My parents didn't intentionally stop me from driving. They just didn't help me obtain a car or license other than to give me rides to driver's ed. They didn't help me move out but they couldn't stop me.



EzraS
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04 Aug 2018, 8:05 am

To a degree of course. But it's not because my parents are holding anything back from me. Just the autism and coordination disorder are holding me back.



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04 Aug 2018, 11:54 am

I used to be jealous of people who could drive and had their own source of income but now I have my own car, a decent job and plans to move into my own place I guess not.


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qwerwe
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05 Aug 2018, 3:36 am

I noticed that Mom did not take my views seriously. When I said something, she ignored it. When my brother said it, she took it seriously. Her behavior towards me and my brothers was not the same. I don't know why, if it was because I am girl or because of mine AS (but she don't know it).

It's probably still going on. I have an opportunity to have cheaper electricity (benefit in my work) and for my family too. I sent her information and she told me she must ask my brother... I don't know why. Nothing binding, she only should send me information from invoice and then she would get the offer and then she would decide whether she is interested or not.


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Summer_Twilight
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06 Aug 2018, 8:36 am

My father was a photographer when I was growing up and he refused to let me model as a little girl because I was "Too hyper." While both my sisters got that chance. I was more jealous of the first one then the second one.

When my sister was getting ready to turn 16, my grandmother talked of giving her the car. I remember 21 years old me watching my mom and grandmother having that talk.

My mom often compared me to my sister and even when I got good grades or got rewards. It was "Why didn't your sister get that?" Other times she would often brag about how much more successful she was than I was. "Your sister is achieving all these things and was pretty much taught to paddle her own oars. "

At the last synagogue that I attended, I had wanted to join the music team and the rabbi there wanted me to join through his hoops by "Socializing more" before doing so. In the meantime, he said that cleaning up after lunch would be a better fit for me.

Another time, I had wanted to be a server for a senior holiday banquet and the woman who oversaw the kitchen in this congregation said that the server list had filled up. However, they needed help in the kitchen. Then when the event took place, I saw that all my peers in my singles sunday school group were allowed to be servers. So, I was devastated when I saw that and started crying.



BTDT
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06 Aug 2018, 8:47 am

qwerwe wrote:
I noticed that Mom did not take my views seriously. When I said something, she ignored it. When my brother said it, she took it seriously. Her behavior towards me and my brothers was not the same. I don't know why, if it was because I am girl or because of mine AS (but she don't know it).


Yes, my mother and brother didn't take my views seriously. So I moved away, far far away.
He still doesn't take my views seriously, so he is on his own dealing with mom. They share the same roof after all these years.



Summer_Twilight
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06 Aug 2018, 9:29 am

BTDT wrote:
qwerwe wrote:
I noticed that Mom did not take my views seriously. When I said something, she ignored it. When my brother said it, she took it seriously. Her behavior towards me and my brothers was not the same. I don't know why, if it was because I am girl or because of mine AS (but she don't know it).


Yes, my mother and brother didn't take my views seriously. So I moved away, far far away.
He still doesn't take my views seriously, so he is on his own dealing with mom. They share the same roof after all these years.


I chose to move away from my family because they haven't seemed to take me seriously either and nor have they really seem to value me as a member of the family. Whenever I tell them what I am doing it's, "That's cool," or "That's nice." Then they wonder why.

One of my sisters and I are not on speaking terms period but whenever I would tell her that I was frustrated that things came easier for her she would kick me when I felt down and accuse me of playing the victim. She doesn't get it at all.



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06 Aug 2018, 10:33 am

Sibling rivalry never dies... even when the siblings do.

Both my parents are dead, one of my sisters is dead, I have had nothing to do with another sister for 30 years now, and my brother ... is enough younger than me that we were never rivals, but I will say my sister who is now deceased tried everything she could to ensure that he was in her camp and not mine.

In other words, at this stage in my life, it's a moot point. I've moved on.


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06 Aug 2018, 10:38 am

I used to be jealous of my brother when I was growing up. He had more freedom because he was a boy.

I used to sulk I’m my room and listen to No Doubt’s “I’m Just a Girl.” LOL


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BTDT
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06 Aug 2018, 10:59 am

Girls get more freedom when it comes to choosing clothes.



Summer_Twilight
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06 Aug 2018, 11:54 am

BTDT wrote:
Girls get more freedom when it comes to choosing clothes.


They don't get more freedom if they aren't interested in subjects like nursing, teaching etc. If they are interested in STEM-type things, they are frowned upon.\

Girls who wear short hair like being told that in order to get a boyfriend you have to look and dress a certain way along with not being independent and head strong.



Joe90
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06 Aug 2018, 12:15 pm

I think my brother feels I was more privileged than him by my dad. I believe I have always been my dad's favourite. But my brother doesn't hold it against me, he holds it against my dad. My mum never had favourites and she just treated us the same. I am more closer to my mum than what my brother is, but my brother knows it's not due to favouritism, it's just due to the typical "mother-daughter" friendship we have. But my mum has a healthy "mother-son" relationship with him.


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06 Aug 2018, 4:10 pm

Nah. My brother was raised by my narcissist mother and grandmother to turn out like them, and was always more popular. He's also amassed a ton of senseless debt and clings to unrealistic goals without being able to accept reality. My parents have given him plenty of handouts, and he treats people like crap. I may be the "freak" in our family, but I support myself and have found more responsibility and joy in life.



Summer_Twilight
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07 Aug 2018, 9:13 am

My sister and I butted heads about favoritism all the time about who she treated better but the truth was, it was her because she was the artist and because she was a "Normal kid" but it was later learned that she had other disabilities. Because of it, other people said that we kept trying to make each other jealous of the other one all the time. Like most of you on here, she is a real narcissist herself and never seems to take on any responsibility. It's always everyone else's fault but hers. She is also very controlling and callous.