First post and a question for musicians on the spectrum

Post Reply New Topic

I never know how to start one of these so I'll get right to it; I was diagnosed with HFA this past year (at 23) and it's been putting so much into perspective.

One thing I've been struggling how to wrap my head around is playing music with others. I've played drums since I was a child and bass for the last 6 years or so. The majority if my time is taken up in diesel and electronics shops for work and school so music is my relief from everything.

I've played music with friends for over a decade but never for more than an hour at a time because I get overwhelmed trying to deal with everyone and trying to concentrate on what I'm playing to over other people shouting and making noise just for laughs

My question is, how do you manage your need for space, a controlled environment, limited stimulation and still playing with a group of people?

Thanks for reading!

.

I'm not a musician----so I can't answer your question.

But welcome to WP, anyway.

Thanks for the reply regardless!

Autistic musician here. How did I cope with bandmates, playing in clubs, etc? I drank like a fish. Alcohol numbed me to everything. Do I recommend it? Nope, but it sure worked for me.

Welcome to wrong planet.
I'm also a musician (and into mechanical things).
I've never really played with people. Probably less than five total. Played at a few open mics. Was a street musician for a while. I think that playing on the street helped with stage fright and overstimulation.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

I'm not a musician so I can't answer your question, but in case you hadn't already found it, there is a subforum on this site called, "Art, Writing, and Music" which may have some other threads which interest you. To see it, click on "Board Index," then under "Topical Discussion," click on the link to it.

Enjoy your time here!

Hi Welcome to WP. I am a musician. I have found that I can sing very will in groups but I have trouble playing piano in a group. I don't know what the difference is. I play my instruments solo at home. But when I sing, I am very involved in my own part. I know it extremely will so I kind of have a cocoon of solitude even within the group if that makes sense.

Thanks for all the welcomes!

I'm glad I'm not the only one frustrated by this, if ya'll can put up with it for love of music, so can I.

That does make sense; it's hard to really focus and be encapsulated by what your playing when everything from light to sound to conversation is at 11 haha.

I appreciate you pointing out the interest specific forms.

The obvious answer is that there's no shame in wearing hearing protection. All that volume can be pretty overstimulating at times, and you can use the excuse that you don't want to lose your hearing.

I've never had that problem myself (but I really should worry more about my hearing). The only problem I've had is that I'm uncomfortable playing with people I don't know, so I usually just play with my friends...who are also kind of on the spectrum...so we end up with a band of guys who are pretty awkward and uncharismatic...so needless to say, we don't really have a "front man" kind of person who can win us fans and sell lots of tickets to strangers.

Of course, there are plenty of bands out there who made it big just on the virtues of their talent alone.

Nice to meet you, 46andtwo (I guess that's Tool...?)

I only play bass and I've only ever played it by myself. I think the difference is that I actually don't mind noise; I can have something as high a volume as possible and doesn't really bother me all that much. I listen to loud music or play fairly loudly, and usually in sessions probably just exceeding an hour or so before my fingers feel like they're being torn apart (there are a lot of slides on bass!), so that's really my only limiting factor.

I hope to play with other people but I don't know when I'll be able to just yet. Really, I don't think being a musician is about straining yourself anyway. Maybe when you're done with playing, you can focus on writing or studying theory (if you don't know it all already), since the mathematical fundamentals behind the music are also absolutely key.

Just be wary of yourself, and have fun.

Hi. I've played in a lot of bands over a lot of years. I'm a tenor sax player, but I've also played bass (as it's easier to get a gig). I was semi-pro as a sax player and considered giving up my day job and going full time. I used to wear ear plugs and dark glasses... you can always explain the dark glasses as a cool stage image.

But, I can't really explain how I did it... most gigs were full on with stage lights, smoke and loads of noise. I used to feel like I was in my own little world on the stage, despite all the commotion I was separate from the audience. After gigs or between sets was the worse... some band members would interact with the crowd as if they were rock stars, but I would hide in the corner on my own. I just wanted to turn up, play, then go straight home but sometimes you had to hang around a lot.

As for getting on with band mates, there were usually one or two I connected with, but a lot of musos are a pain in the ****

Overall I loved doing it. I never got nervous, I just practised too much and had loads of experience... nerves never came into it. But I purely play at home now, I've been there and done that.

Welcome, 46andTwo.

Another bass player here; a bit of drums (not for a long time, though), and a very, very, little bit of keyboards.

That's a really interesting question. I do recognise what you mean; I can have moments where I'm really overwhelmed and just kind of hoping that my fingers are doing the right thing, and others where I get so into what I'm doing that I drift off and then realise that I have no idea where I am in the song. I've often nearly fallen off the stage at the end of a gig because I'm so burned out (I didn't get stage fright, I got back-stage fright - leave me alone now, I don't care how much you loved my music!)

First, try to get some honest feedback from your bandmates if you can. Do they actually notice you struggling at all? My little lapses were often barely noticed by anyone else; in my head it was confusing and my attention seemed all over the place, but actually my fingers were usually doing a pretty good job without me. I was making myself anxious over nothing, and the anxiety was feeding back into my attention problems.

Think about how you arrange yourselves in the room, and whatever monitoring you have, to make sure you really are hearing exactly what you need to hear from the other musicians. The top end of distorted guitars was especially bad for me, and I didn't really need to hear it that well to follow a song, so we'd arrange our amps accordingly. There's no law that says the drum-kit has to be bang in the middle of the stage, so just do whatever works for you and the rest of the band. Use hearing protection! Work out hand signals and nods so that you don't have to shout at each other if necessary.

Band mates mucking about is a bit trickier, that's a social rather than musical thing. You can only compromise amongst yourselves how disciplined you want to be, or need to be to make your music work. Some bands work easily this way and some don't; the best friends in the world can fall out over band discipline or musical differences. If you can get to play casually with other people, do. It will broaden your musical experience, and might also find you other musicians that you're more compatible with. There's no shame in that. If it's really not working out don't try to stay together just for the sake of being a band, accept it rather than ruining your friendships.

That's what killed it for me. The social rules are so easy on stage - I play, you all listen. The gigs I played were very low-rent. Back of a panel van trying not to get squashed by amps, first into the venue, last out, sleeping on the promoter's floor only after the last of the after-gig party stragglers had gone home. It was hard enough for one-off gigs, but once we started doing the odd tour, I realised that I was never going to handle the social side of it. I almost dreaded anyone actually liking us, because I had absolutely no idea how to talk to fans! Naturally, there were no groupy orgies!

Ouch. Have you tried flatwound strings?

D'Addario Chromes are pretty bright if you don't want too much of a stand-up bass sound. Steve Harris from Iron Maiden plays them.

I know others use special string oils (or chicken grease), but it's not for me >_<

Gross! I'm the opposite, I lose my touch when my hands get sweaty. I've been playing over 25 years now, so my fingertips feel really weird if they're not calloused; as long as I don't have a break for more than a week or two, it's usually hovering on one leg over my pedals that gets me before my fingers get sore.

Sjogren's prevents me from sweating, so my strings usually last forever.