Alone time

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Joined: 28 Aug 2018
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17 Oct 2018, 9:18 am

Lunarcy wrote:

Hi all,

I'm new so please go easy. I'm waiting for an assessment for Asperger's as it has come to my attention that I'm not typical. I was wondering how much alone time is necessary for you all. I seem to need about 90% waking hour time alone, or at least non-verbal/non-listening. I assumed this is high even for people on the ASD spectrum. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Thanks

I would prefer to spend at least the vast majority of the day by myself but realistically that isn't going to happen. A few hours of family is enough for me

Lunarcy
Emu Egg
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17 Oct 2018, 10:37 am

I must say I'm at a loss at how to remain in a relationship with the amount of alone time I need. Despite loving the person, I have a desperate need not to see them sometimes. I know it sounds horrible, but personal/emotional space seems to trump everything other than food, water and oxygen. I wonder if it would be easier an aspie dating another aspie or somehow many times worse. How do you manage to get the space you need while not upsetting your partner?

Dear_one
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17 Oct 2018, 10:58 am

There is a fairly rare state called "a companionable silence." Two friends may be waiting for some news with the same kind of anticipation, but no need to discuss it. When I can feel that comfortable with someone, and we can each feel free of judgement as we do our day, I may even prefer being with them, or at least nearby.

blazingstar
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17 Oct 2018, 7:49 pm

Lunarcy wrote:

The partner has to be comfortable with being on his/her own as well and also have enough self-esteem to understand what you need.

And dear_one is also correct. There are some people you can be with and be comfortable enough so that no one has to say anything or do anything and it is just companionable silence. It is a rare gem to be cherished.

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kraftiekortie
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17 Oct 2018, 7:59 pm

My fiancée and I, back in 1981, spent one day not saying a word to each other for hours.

We didn't have to. We were involved in our books.

We had really intense sex the same night.

Dear_one
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17 Oct 2018, 8:07 pm

An NT couple had an argument, and then didn't speak to each other for two days. Then, the guy asked some mundane question. "Well! So you've finally decided to say something!" she spat.
"Huh?" he responded "I thought we were just getting along!"

Rustifer
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17 Oct 2018, 9:00 pm

Lunarcy wrote:

I think I would prefer a relationship with another aspie as well, if I have another relationship at all. I do like alone time, but I get worried that I'll become too isolated. So I think life would be a little safer that way and probably worth it in the long run versus just winging totally by yourself and eventually being totally forgotten.

Rustifer
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17 Oct 2018, 9:01 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

My fiancée and I, back in 1981, spent one day not saying a word to each other for hours.

We didn't have to. We were involved in our books.

We had really intense sex the same night.

Sounds heavenly

rick42
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17 Oct 2018, 9:13 pm

Personally there isn't a time where I'm not alone.When I'm not at work,I pretty much never leave the house .When I'm at work,I don't talk or speak to anyone unless I absolutely have to.I don't need any human contact whatsoever.Having conversations with people for any period of time,especially after all the rejection I went though is very draining and a waste of time.

rick42
Toucan
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17 Oct 2018, 9:30 pm

Lunarcy wrote:

It would be far easier dating another Aspie. First of all,we have absolutely nothing in common with NT's what so ever.Second of all,a vast majority of NT strongly dislike us.Third of all,NT's don't understand us nor they even try to and we don't understand them.NT's are also manipulative and they judge Aspies for simply being different. I could never date or even be friends with any NT person.

jamthis12
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17 Oct 2018, 9:38 pm

I could be friends with and maybe even in a relationship with an NT, but that doesn't mean it'd be easy. Or ideal for that matter.

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Rdos: Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 133 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 79 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)

Serpentine
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17 Oct 2018, 10:20 pm

I am married to an NT and it's worked for 16 years so far but it's not without its challenges.

He needs far more social connections and friends than I do so I encourage him to go out and enjoy time with friends.

In turn he respects my space and allows me a lot of alone time, though sometimes he gets lonely. I try to give him at least a few hours a day when he's home. It's about compromise.

It helps that we can do as Dear_one mentioned and hang out in companionable silence sometimes, each of us just doing our own thing in the same room.

It's not perfect but no relationship is. I still think it's well worth the effort.

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jamthis12
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17 Oct 2018, 10:25 pm

Ok that makes sense. I guess all relationships ARE based on compromise.

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Rdos: Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 133 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 79 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)

Dear_one
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18 Oct 2018, 2:03 am

I had never really considered a partnership with another aspie, I was hoping for someone with enough EQ to help with social situations. What I can't do without, though, is enough IQ to appreciate what I do.

EzraS
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18 Oct 2018, 7:23 am

I think all of us need at least some and many need a lot. For me even at events like family gatherings I tend to be off to the side by myself doing my own thing.

jamthis12
Toucan
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18 Oct 2018, 7:31 am

Yeah at family events I've always tended to be in a corner nursing a drink rather than hanging out.

_________________
Rdos: Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 133 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 79 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)

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