Bullying and verbal put downs

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I've actually registered specifically because I am really struggling to move on with my life because of anger and intense pain at a lifetime of being bullied and verbally put down because of my autism. I feel desperate for some help and advice as no one seems to want to help me with it, and I know that my experiences are all related to being on the spectrum and also having severe sensory processing difficulties that I've had since childhood.

We all know what bullying is; the being beaten up, the being laughed at, treated like a subhuman piece of human excrement, mocked, teased, physically hit, ganged up on, sneered at, treated as less. The list is endless and unbearable. I've had all of it.

I feel my life is permanently on hold because of unexpressed anger at all these injustices. It makes me physically ill and psychologically tormented. I have been diagnosed with Complex PTSD. I see a therapist who is frustrated at my inability to move on. I'm being eaten alive by anger at it all.

I really do feel that autistic people are on a whole different plane when it comes to bullying. NTs have no idea. Same with some other stuff but that's not what I want to get into right now.

I suppose I could spend the rest of my life eliciting same-stories from other Aspies and bemoaning this stuff. But I guess what I'm desperately seeking is some kind of resolution and a way to move forward.

I really feel that all the things that have messed my life up and continue to do so, are a direct result of how badly people have treated me. I only cope by having internally given up on my life and ''dreams''. Well, almost. I live in a place full of the products of compulsive shopping that is a direct result of my PTSD, for one. This makes me miserable. I blame this on the bullying.

Has anyone else come to a point where their life has been essentially destroyed and put on hold because of past bullying, and yet found a way forwards? I don't think meditation would work for me as I've had it suggested many times.

Perhaps solidarity does help a bit. But not enough!!

Also, due to my sensory processing disorder I have problems with people saying things to me unexpectedly and interrupting me. I've had a lot of people deliberately do this to me in horrible ways. Why? These things people say usually stay with me for life- I mean for life.

Why do people treat those with neurological differences so badly?

Thank you

Hi there. And welcome to the Forum.

You have lots in common with many others on this Site.

How are you as far as school is concerned? Have you considered University, or "college?"

I was bullied throughout my "school career." When I became an adult, though, I told myself that I needed to have a "clean slate." And that people must respect me as a person.

I'm 31. I was indeed bullied by both teachers and peers at school. But it continued in my adult life at every work place I tried and entered. It also occurred in my family with very serious abuse from various family members, but that's perhaps a different subject. I have mostly gone No Contact with my whole family because of this.

I now live alone and have lost all confidence to try new things because of the history of bullying in every place I've ever been. I currently had to leave another volunteer job because of it again.

Yes, that's right, I want a clean slate and I won't tolerate any more abuse from now on. I've had enough

Would love some more perspectives on this...………...

Unfortunately, being different and a minority has its problems as you have witnessed.

I can't believe teachers would have acted the same way as your peers in school. That is just uncalled for. Something should have been done way back then. In workplaces, the same is true. This should not be happening. Is there no one to seek any help from? I'm sorry to read this this has been the case for you.

When seeking employment, are you upfront about everything? If they know what gets to you, perhaps they won't do it. But then again, you never know with some people. With me, when I was being teased (and fortunately, 40-50 years ago it was very minor) I tried to just go along with them and laugh it off. Some people like to push buttons to see what kind of reaction they can invoke. If you don't show that it bothers you, they usually give up. If it happens, I know you say meditation does not work, but it can come in handy to try to cool down after persevering taunts.

My brain is one that is an out-of-sight, out-of-mind type of thing. What happens to me is easily forgotten if it isn't important. Seems unfortunate that you can't forget.

I wish you well in the future and know that there are people who feel sorry for what has happened or may happen to you, just that most are afraid to say anything.

can you move out of the UK?

That last question you asked is one that many of us struggle with and, also, are unable to answer.

Someone else already asked if you could move out of the UK. Elaborating on that, I recall that Tony Attwood (an Australian expert on Asperger's Syndrome) has mentioned that many times, when Anglo Saxon aspies move to a country with a different culture, they end up being treated better in many ways than they are in the "home" country. I surmise this may be because one stands out for entirely predictable reasons of cultural difference, and people are more willing to compensate for it.

I realize that this could be quite drastic. However, I have changed my environment many times and found that in the United States it always pretty much ends up the same.

Not currently, no. It's not possible. I don't wish to elaborate on the myriad of reasons why.

However, it's not something that I would rule out for the future. I despise the UK in many ways; the scraggly, rain-soaked landscape and overpopulation. It's not simple to just move countries. My health and situation with my OCD would have to be better for a start. I have severe PTSD from familial abuse and am working with a therapist that I don't want to lose as we've built up a relationship over time. These are just the least complicated reasons.

Anyway. I'm better able to cope with bullying these days, it's more the 31 years of memories of various abuse that keeps me stuck.

The reason I got bullied in my volunteer job recently and decided to stop going, is because the guy/boss is a nasty piece of work who knew me a few years ago when I was more vulnerable. He knows what upsets me because of that. If he'd met me from now it may not have happened as I'm more confident now than I was 8 years ago.

I'm considering making a serious complaint about him for abusing me when he knows I'm on the spectrum.

Hello sand and stars in a bottle, and welcome to our forum. I'm sorry to hear about your bullying situation because I know exactly what you're going through. Being Autistic and getting bullied seems to go hand-in-hand unfortunately. Even throughout my adult years and at 43 years of age now I still get bullied from time to time by full grown men (AKA neurotypicals (NTs)) who should know better.

With regards to your question in why do people with neurological differences get bullied?

The answer is because NTs see a weakness they can exploit to fuel their own ego. Those types of people are surprisingly common these days and when a weakness is found than a weakness must be exploited. And that's all they see. The danger of the public becoming more aware of Autism is that people will simply become more aware of a group of people they can exploit instead of show mercy and sympathy to.

I hope your situation improves and seeing a therapist is definitely a step in the right direction and I wish you well and all I can say is don't let the bullies know that they hurt you - it will only fuel their desire to hurt you more.

Sand and Stars in a bottle, welcome to WP. I hope you find some help here. At one point in my life I could not get past the abuse and bullying, etc. I found it was important for me to make behavioral changes, and never mind what my brain thinks. One of the most important things for me is to express gratitude every day. Even if my day felt awful and horrible things happen, I find something to be grateful for. You don't actually have to feel gratitude. Just find something that you could be grateful for and name it.

Meditation is helpful, but if you are having trouble with it, you might want to try guided meditations. I think you can find these free on the web now. Meditating can be difficult at first, if your brain is circulating the various bad thoughts you have. Guided meditation helps you to focus your brain. (All the "yous" are editorial, not telling you what to do.)

Exercise can also be helpful if you are healthy enough to do it.

So for me, when I need to change something, I start with gratitude, meditation and exercise, as behavioral things to implement, regardless of how I actually feel. Persist at this, and eventually the bad stuff starts to recede. This has been my experience.

Welcome aboard.

I think that we can all attest to what bullying does, it's a good chance that most, if not all, of us were bullied. Your wounds go deeper and you may not yet be able to fully let go of the bullying until you've dealt with other issues which, in the mind, will take precedence (and rightfully so, it's a bigger deal). Your 'familial abuse' is attached to a core value of your being - trust. It's something painfully difficult to re-obtain, especially as time goes on if not dealt with. It may not seem related to the bullying, but it can be. If you lose a trust at that level, it's going to result in a loss of several things, including esteem. If you have a lower esteem, bullying is going to "do more damage", it's going to make a larger impression. It's part of the reason that bullying is so harmful. Those who are bullied will have their self-esteem lowered, and then it feeds upon itself.

You're seeing a therapist, and you've opened up here and you're promising to fight back These are good things both and a good reason to have optimism. You are repairing the damage done and you need to give yourself many kudos for that because getting this far is hard work, more than most realize. It can be discouraging and exhausting at times, but keep up the good work. I'm rooting for you.

I'm a firm believer in the value of CBT. If you're using that with your therapist, great. If not, discuss it with your therapist. They may be able to work with you on it or refer you to another person who can help supplement your treatment.

Sadly bullying doesn't go away, there will always be as*holes.

Thanks, I appreciate the comments

Teasing and Bullying – Those terms are very understated. The term teasing and bullying are terms developed to protect the abusers. They minimize the offense. A more accurate phrase is cruel and relentless torture. In adult society, the terms used are physical abuse, psychological abuse, and assault and they are criminal offenses.
* Bullies are very adept at what they do. It is almost like they took a course in the subject.
* They instinctively recognize those that are weak, alone and defenseless, venerable individuals.
* They know where in the playground or inside the school, they can strike outside the view of authorities
* They know how to inflict the maximum amount of pain without leaving visible marks as evidence [such as a jab to the ribcage, or a chokehold].
* Many times they operate as a group, a gang.
* They know about the unwritten rules such as the “Code of Silence” and the “Never Snitch”. They enforce these rules to silence witnesses.

The battle scars from teasing and bullying never really go away. I am 70 years old and they are still visible deep inside me.

"Why do people treat those with neurological differences so badly?" The short answer is it is in their genes. As species evolved some animals began to exhibit social traits. One of the social traits exhibited by primates is a hierarchic community structure of Alpha, Beta and Omega. Aspies fill the role of Omega animals. So bullying and name calling is in the latent genes of NTs.

One of the primary drivers in Aspies is stress. It is almost our middle name. If you can learn how to rule over stress, to remove it from your core at will, you will normalize many of the negative traits that you experience. So since you recognize that you have PTSD that is a major step forward. There are different therapies that address PTSD. Some are rather interesting. I suggest you read a book called "In an Unspoken Voice" by Peter A. Levine. That will point you in the right direction.

Also Aspies have been around for thousands of years. There is another term that we have been called. It is Non-Conformist. Do a search on the internet and find some quotes about this type of individual. That is what you can become. That is the direction you need to point yourself to. It is your goal in life. If you can become fearless, free of stress, it opens a whole world up before your feet.

I've suffered from all this in the past especially when working as a teacher-mainly from other teachers. Best thing I ever did was to retrain into horticulture and start my own business as a gardener. Plants and gardeners are kind and you can lose yourself in a garden, in fact gardening saved me from one of my worst mental health crisis ever. Gardeners tend to be a little different, disabled or neurodivergent and they don't seem to pick on each other as much. Clients seem to be delighted with my work as well and really value a gardener. I'm very highly educated with a good degree in zoology and master in science but this is the first time I've ever been truly valued in a job.

Only problems are lack of work in winter and injury. I've just damaged my thumb and as such cannot work for several weeks but it has given me some time to study. It has also given me time to ruminate about past injustices but at the end of the day I know I'm better off this way.

I would really recommend doing a horticulture course even if you don't have your own garden.

When people abuse you, shout at them. That soon sets people straight.