What do you think it takes to be happy?
thelonelywarrior
Hummingbird
Joined: 28 Jul 2018
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 19
Location: somewhere between autism and the real world
Doing what you want while considering what would make you happy in the long term too, so not things like heavy drinking and alcoholism which could bring happiness in the short term.
Social acceptance isn't necessary for autistic people but social antagonism hurts anyone. Being left alone can be an alternative to social acceptance.
An income. This might be a job or an allowance or a benefit. If you don't have any income at all, you're a beggar on the street and that makes everyone unhappy.
Basic physical and mental health. Autism isn't what I mean by bad mental health. I mean you can't be depressed or anxious etc. And if you're dying it's hard to be happy.
For me it would take being productive somehow. Even when I was a complete recluse and very mentally ill, I had to produce art. However, I realise some people can be perfectly content to lie back and watch TV all day long. And a job isn't necessary for me, but it is for some.
For me, it also requires learning something every day. That doesn't mean I have to always be in formal education. That's a personal need though.
Some people do need friends but not everyone does. I don't need friends if people leave me alone. Everyone needs not to be being bullied or attacked.
thelonelywarrior
Hummingbird
Joined: 28 Jul 2018
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 19
Location: somewhere between autism and the real world
I used to think social acceptance was required for happiness I used to think that I had to be normal in order to be loved or accepted but the only one I ever really truly needed to be loved or accepted by was me. Even if I never was going to have a million friends or even one friend friends are not what make me happy I need to be happy and content with myself first. And I have found knowing this I can be happy in the face of some of life's most violent storms.
The secret as far as I have found trying focus on what's good even when things are bad cuz there's always a reason to be positive. I learned that some of my biggest causes for sadness and depression in my life was a result of me focusing on what I was lacking and what I didn't have. I don't have very good social skills so I may never have very good social contacts this used to be a fact that bothered me greatly. Till I realized happiness is dependant on me and I needed it accept me for who I am part of who I am is socially dysfunctional. And one of the biggest Inspirations for this in my life is the beautiful person known as Temple Grandin because if there's ever a woman can learn to live with who she is it is her. She has been a wonderful teacher in this regard.
Smile because you're beautiful Who you are Focus on your strengths work on your weaknesses and live to be the best version of you. When you fall down and mess up look at it is it mean to work harder on your weaknesses and don't use it as an excuse beat yourself up. focus on where you're right and where you're improving compliment yourself. Let yourself know how proud you are of you and the progress you're making live every moment this way in spite of the storm you currently might be in you can still endure it with a smile.
Acceptance of 'just this, just as it is'; things just as they are, not how I think they should be.
Appreciation of what I have in this present moment; not complaining of what I haven't, worrying about the future, or regretting the past.
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."
Mahatma Gandhi
Maybe it's the alexthymia talking but I don't equate happiness to being content. I am content sitting here trawling WP , am I happy ? I don't think I am feeling happiness but I'm not sad
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Having someone you love and who you love back (does not need to be romantic love), and have a lot of freedom and time to do the things you enjoy, and be healthy enough to do so
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Many years ago I worked for a while on a Crisis Hotline. Over the years I talked with about 4,000 people regarding almost every possible problem you could imagine including about 400 who were attempting suicide at the time.
After that rather educational experience, I attempted to put in writing some thoughts that might be of use to those encountering various life problems. I intended to avoid mentioning anything about Christianity as that doing so often triggers hostility.
The difficulty I found was that I could describe various problem resolution strategies that would bring a person to a trouble free life that might be described as boredom. However, there was no way to get past this realm into happiness without touching on the subject of selflessness. The bible defines love (1 Cor 13:4-7) pretty much as selflessness.
It is interesting because one can observe many people stuck in a sort of cycle of selfishness, trouble, resolution, boredom, and then selfishness again.
We get a glimpse of escaping this realm with parenthood in which we can see emerging both the drawing out of some selfless love as well as the end of some adolescent selfishness. It has been said that the cure for the disease of adolescence is parenthood where the selfishness of the child requires the parent to relinquish some of his.
It is difficult to go too far into the realm of selflessness and love without a religious basis as many can see no reason to forgo selfish pleasures and see those who do as chumps.
There are many people who are content, satisfied, and fulfilled living only for themselves. However, I would suggest that real happiness is less taking in and more giving out.
"Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs" outlines the physiological/ environmental/ sociobiological / psychological/ emotional/ mental/ spiritual/ social requirements for contentment and potentially optimized happiness in a fairly straightforward manner.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27 ... y_of_needs
I'd also like to add that, implicit to Maslow's Hierarchy, is the need for:
3. deep, abiding self-awareness of oneself
2. identification of one's life purpose
1. optimization of the alignment of one's self-awareness with one's life purpose
...I'm still building my personal database on this all-important topic, though, so by all means please, dear reader, don't consider this post the final presentation of my findings...still searching, groping, exploring this all-consuming topic
Last edited by Reed on 18 Dec 2018, 3:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.
After that rather educational experience, I attempted to put in writing some thoughts that might be of use to those encountering various life problems. I intended to avoid mentioning anything about Christianity as that doing so often triggers hostility.
The difficulty I found was that I could describe various problem resolution strategies that would bring a person to a trouble free life that might be described as boredom. However, there was no way to get past this realm into happiness without touching on the subject of selflessness. The bible defines love (1 Cor 13:4-7) pretty much as selflessness.
It is interesting because one can observe many people stuck in a sort of cycle of selfishness, trouble, resolution, boredom, and then selfishness again.
We get a glimpse of escaping this realm with parenthood in which we can see emerging both the drawing out of some selfless love as well as the end of some adolescent selfishness. It has been said that the cure for the disease of adolescence is parenthood where the selfishness of the child requires the parent to relinquish some of his.
It is difficult to go too far into the realm of selflessness and love without a religious basis as many can see no reason to forgo selfish pleasures and see those who do as chumps.
There are many people who are content, satisfied, and fulfilled living only for themselves. However, I would suggest that real happiness is less taking in and more giving out.
You mean being of service, helping others?
The problem there though is that it requires interacting with people and understanding what their needs are, the one major hurdle for most of us on this forum.
After that rather educational experience, I attempted to put in writing some thoughts that might be of use to those encountering various life problems. I intended to avoid mentioning anything about Christianity as that doing so often triggers hostility.
The difficulty I found was that I could describe various problem resolution strategies that would bring a person to a trouble free life that might be described as boredom. However, there was no way to get past this realm into happiness without touching on the subject of selflessness. The bible defines love (1 Cor 13:4-7) pretty much as selflessness.
It is interesting because one can observe many people stuck in a sort of cycle of selfishness, trouble, resolution, boredom, and then selfishness again.
We get a glimpse of escaping this realm with parenthood in which we can see emerging both the drawing out of some selfless love as well as the end of some adolescent selfishness. It has been said that the cure for the disease of adolescence is parenthood where the selfishness of the child requires the parent to relinquish some of his.
It is difficult to go too far into the realm of selflessness and love without a religious basis as many can see no reason to forgo selfish pleasures and see those who do as chumps.
There are many people who are content, satisfied, and fulfilled living only for themselves. However, I would suggest that real happiness is less taking in and more giving out.
Well said, I believe.
LOVE for oneself/ others/ god (whatever that is -or is not- to any given individual/ group) is super-important, like icing on the cake as well as the "binding agent" that holds the cake together (the egg? to perhaps be literal, if I am familiar with baking a cake at all (?), in this particular, increasingly ridiculous analogy)...)
Wish I had thought to add this to Maslow's Hiearchy and the 3 additions I made in my post a little earlier.
Perhaps LOVE, unconditional/ giving of oneself with no thought of return, is the undergirding influence behind creating a meaningful (purposeful) life...without love there can be no enduring meaning to Maslow's Hierarchy (and therefore, ultimately, no love = no meaningful purpose).
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