Nice guy versus pushover.

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I am really struggling to understand the difference between being nice and a pushover. What I really struggle with is the fact that we live in a world that is so selfish and inconsiderate. What others see as setting boundaries I feel is being a jerk when I do the same. I want to be altruistic and giving and find it so hard to accept the world sees that as weakness and something to exploit or bully people over. I don’t want to change but I feel ashamed when I’m put onto also. Does anyone else feel the same?

This is a good topic. I used to struggle with that a lot - it's easy for me to give to others and be supportive of them, but it's quite difficult for me to ask for help. I've done a lot of volunteering and helping people one-on-one. And I have difficulty setting boundaries because of my autism - I can't read people well, so I don't know how firm to be. And I have a hard time reading people's intentions. so I can barely tell the difference between an earnest request and attempts to manipulate or use me. I've been taken advantage of pretty badly a number of times. One thing that's helped is a suggestion a friend made - if in doubt, it's better to initially say "no" and then change your mind than to initially say "yes" and then change. It's easier and results in less hurt feelings. I guess a nice person has the ability to say "no" to requests but genuinely likes to be helpful while a pushover just has trouble saying "no". Sometimes I have felt I'm being a jerk in denying a request, have felt really bad, but I've realized over time that a lot of that is projection on my part. I'm projecting the difficulty I have in asking for help onto the other person and the disappointment I would feel if I managed to work up the courage to ask and then got turned down (got "rejected"). The reality is that most of the time I've denied a request the other (NT) person just says something like "OK, just thought I'd ask" and goes on to ask someone else without getting crushed like I might. The "social rules" related to asking for help makes it really, really hard for me to do it - I've gone to great lengths to do things on my own when asking for a bit of assistance would have made things much easier.

As a nice guy, I do favours for people when it's easy for me but hard for them. I saw a lady putting up decorations on the street, and did the high reach for her to finish them. At a garage sale, I might pick up something that looks like a friend would like it. I push stuck cars, and change tires. However, if someone borrows money once, they have to pay it back before trying again. Tools have to come back in good condition, or no more go out. If someone needs my time, I want either the pleasure of seeing them grow, or equal time in favours. Just getting to hang out with them is not enough.
There are quite a few people who are basically opportunists. The don't plan on crimes, but they also pick up anything loose that they know they can get away with. There are also a lot of people who will only see you as a surrogate for someone else who owes them, and feel quite entitled to your time, attention, and stuff.

I quite like that one Al Capone quote: "Do not mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is un kind to me, weak is not what you will remember about me."

Just like me. I'm mostly even to nice. I'm afraid that I need to change me in a way that I don't like.
The problem isn't me but the way that people are towards nice guys. They aren't respected as they should.

This can be tough. I think the key is becoming comfortable with disappointing people or pissing them off. In my experience, most people see you as a resource. They want you to be happy in a way that benefits them, or they see you as part of this fantasy version of reality that they have in their head. I often feel like Mr. Kazoo from the Flintstones--just some guy people think pops into existence when they need something. But, if you've lived that way enough, you realize how miserable it makes you. Better that a needy person is miserable instead of you. You weren't born to fulfill their needs, and I bet no one does the same for you.