The "look"

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I am very new at researching things related to AS. I have a question for the Aspies out there, since my son is unable to verbalize certain things.

When ds is out of control/hyperactive, and I can NOT calm him down- there is a look in his eye. Actually, its not really a look....its not anything at all. Like, he's no longer there. When he gets to this point, there is no reasoning with him, no calming him, just removing him from the situation and waiting.

My question is, where does he "go" when he gets like this? Is he aware of anything outside of himself?

I am assuming that this is an effect of overstimulation?

Also, lately, I have noticed that the old "out of control" hyperactive behavior is being replaced with increasingly violent aggressive behavior, but the "look" is the same. What can I do in this case? I am looking at signs beforehand to let me know its happening, but I'm just beginning- so we have to deal with the aggression often lately.

Help?

Thanks!

Sometimes, people think that you are giving them dirty looks when in fact you are just expressing yourself.

I'm not sure this is the same but sometimes if I feel strongly about something then I am totally blinkered and can behave/speak passionately and aggressively on a narrow point of view over something very trivial. Later when I have calmed down then I am shocked at how I behaved and couldn't see the wider picture but I have no clue how to control this. I am still there just really narrowly focused to the exclusion of all else in the world and when I get over it it is like coming out of a dream or trance and getting back in the real world. Maybe if your son gets his head set on a certain thing or something being a certain way then he is also blinkered and can't see beyond or to the side of it, removal from the situation in space and time is the only course of action I could recommend.

My son and I do this as well. When it happens to me, however, I just sit there and look at the wall-I've left the building temporarily and will be back, so to say. My son, when overstimulated will start spitting sometimes, he will laugh uncontrollably, push people, hit, jump around, run into the wall repeatedly, scream and kick. I notice when it starts because he always giggles beforehand-like he's got this uncontrollable impulsive thought going, and he finds it very amusing-then he does it. When asked why, he can never tell me why. People react differently to him when it happens-his teachers scold him and take away privileges, which generally makes it worse because he becomes frustrated. Personally, I put him on my lap, wrap my arms around him tightly, and rock with him. It seems to calm him and myself fairly quickly as his excitement often effects me as well

What? Ppl have looks now?

When did this start? Why wasnt I notified??

Yeah Ive gotten in trouble before because of "looks".

Friend: "Stopping giving him the look of death hes a nice guy"
Me: "Huh wha? I was contemplating the Schrödinger's Cat thought experiment.. who are you talking about?"

Or my personal favorite:
Friend: "Hey why did you ignore that guy? He was totally making eyes and flirting with you"
Me: "Making eyes? What the hell does that mean? And if he wants to go out with me he should just say so why do I have to guess what he wants?"

Wow. This is not entirely like asking, where do we go when we die? [Well, I know where I'm going; I mean the rest of you.] He's trapped inside his own mind. To what degree he is aware of externals is dependent upon his particulars. Here's a shot in the dark... Picture, if you will, being stuck in a house of mirrors; everything is distorted and reflected; size, shape, color, focus... You can't tell what's real and what's not, and most everything is distorted, possibly beyond recognition; and the reflections feed off one another, a single reflection becoming two distorted images becoming four blurry monsters... And so on. And, on top of that, every sound that is made echoes endlessly; the echoes build upon each other, until the sound hurts your ears. Sounds a bit maddening, no? Now, find your way out... And note I only mentioned two senses.


I'm a little embarrassed to admit this; I assure you I'm not an easy person to do this to; but, my 10 year old autistic son dislocated my left thumb when he took a swing at me this past weekend; he does that not infrequently, and I usually catch it; caught this one just wrong; I'm getting old. It's probably of slight or no consolation, but you are not alone.

Once a meltdown is in progress, there may be little you can do. Look for triggers; what sets your son off in the first place? What causes him to get that other-worldly look? That may be your best bet, or hopefully a good one at least; stop the problem before it starts, insofar as this is possible.

Godspeed on your journey.

Good fortune,

- Icarus

Keep in mind that NTs are give emotional meanings to people's faces, but autistic people don't necessarily use expressions to give social messages. That's what words are for. So, as a general rule (not necessarily with your son, I know you know him better), don't rely too much on facial expressions to understand an autistic person, don't trust unclear meanings you may find.

The hyperactivity and violent outbursts are certainly much clearer and unmistakable. In that case, it does appear to be sensory overload. I second Icarus on the part about preventing it.

I've heard that sensationalist expression to describe autism several times, and I don't understand where it comes from, or what it is supposed to mean. A schizophrenic may be trapped inside its own mind because he perceives illusions that come from that mind, and these illusions can make him feel trapped in fear. But autistics don't hallucinate, their mind is undeniably linked to the real world. They can even be hypersensitive, they perceive the world more intensely, and that's a reason why they have meltdowns. Perhaps I don't know what you meant because I've never felt that way, so I'd appreciate it if you explained it.

Where it came from, in this instance, was that I just made it up when I was writing that post, to describe my observations of living with someone with severe autism for 10 years, and putting a tremendous amount of thought and observation into trying to understand it. If other people are independently using the same phrase... Gee, I wonder what that might mean? What do you think "the look" means? Please re-read mommy_mimi's description of it; it correlates directly with what I said. And, I gave a very detailed description of what it is supposed to mean; please re-read it, and think about what I said. You even described it yourself, apparently without realizing it; schizophrenics can be trapped by hallucinations, malfunctions of the mind that generate false images; people with autism can be momentarily trapped by not being able to process and understand their own senses, in just the same way. I’ve tested my son’s senses in a variety of ways, numerous times; they are garbled, and wrought with feedback loops and hyper-sensetive areas that cause overloads; he constantly babbles about things only he can see, he constantly draws them; I've traced much of this imagry to visual and/or auditory loops regarding something he's seen or heard;thus the imagery I described. How can you say one can be trapped by hallucinations, but not sensory overload or feedback loops? Everyone’s mileage may vary, but my description is accurate insofar as I can tell.

And “sensationalist”? No.

[related thread]

Good fortune,

- Icarus