Can't You Get Somebody To Help?

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Can't You Get Somebody To Help? How many Aspies here have been asked this question when trying to explain to someone that you simply have no family, friends or acquaintances to help with some task where such help is required by some outside agency for bureaucratic reasons? It is one of my most dreaded questions and the older I get the more I get asked this stupid question. People are so ignorant of the lives lived by those of us whom they and similar people reject that they automatically presume that everybody has a world of friends just ready and waiting to heed the call for help. People place us in their shoes rather than placing themselves in our shoes. It always impresses me as a pass-the-buck maneuver similar to the story behind the Little Red Hen nursery rhyme or the common excuse, "don't look at me... it didn't happen on MY shift".

At my age, this most often happens when dealing with doctors since they are trying to get somebody else to take responsibility to avoid their deathly fear of being blamed by some bloodsucking lawyer. At present I'm dealing with a situation in which two of my three heart arteries are 100% blocked. By all right I should have dropped dead from a heart attack long ago but collateral flow from the good artery is the only thing keeping me alive. I've explained to my local doctor why I have nobody to help and thought he was going to pass the message to others. But still I was asked that "Can't You Get Somebody To Help" question by one of the nurses at the local hospital where the diagnostic procedure was done that determined this. Once I told her I'm an Aspie and explained it all to her, she was most supportive and quite impressed by the talents that AS gave me. We had a really nice chat after that. This blockage is too much for the local hospital to handle so they must send me to an Atlanta area hospital (twice) to do the same procedure again to correct it (cardiac catheterization... Google "CTO PCI"). I was told that all the arrangements would be be handled for me, including the transportation issue since I won't be allowed to drive for a week afterwards. Well, today I got a call from a nurse on the other end to schedule it and when I brought up the nobody to help problem, I got asked that same "Can't You Get Somebody To Help" question. Nobody in the medical world talks to each other. Maybe with all the jaw-flapping that NTs do, none of them talk to each other in general... or maybe they just don't listen. So I explained the whole story all over again. I told her how people socially reject those of us with autism throughout life and how it prevents you from having the opportunity to develop the acquaintances and friendships that other people have, with it all piling up at the end of your life in situations like this. Then I told that nurse that I would gladly wave a magic wand over my head to fix it if I could but that there is simply nobody to help... and I repeated it again... there is simply nobody to help. Then I told her that the only person to help was my 95 year old mom who is dying from cancer, on oxygen all the time and has not been able to drive for a year and a half. I think she finally got the message and she said, "oh, I'm SOOOOO sorry" but I have no idea if those were just the words NTs use to feel better for having said them. She was going to pass the message around at that end so we will see if they actually understand or not.

Anyhow, I'm wondering how many other Aspies constantly encounter this dreaded "Can't You Get Somebody To Help" question. Maybe I'm the only one. Sometimes I think that it takes a sledge hammer to bang a message in to an NT well enough so that they can actually understand it.

Something like that

"Help" is not always a good thing

For example Mussolini was helping the Gestapo

"Most people" say "help" like "help" is always Purple Heart Award

"Most people" say "hurt", like "hurt" is always Mandated Reporter law violation

And the "I am sorry" as sympathy gets on my nerves



Yes they mean well


But if they keep saying "sorry" for sympathy instead of apology, then it is not clear what they are apologizing for



They said "I am sorry your mom died"


But they did not kill her


And they act like I was so emotionally fragile that I could not handle the slightest thing


And they might be correct or getting closer to correct



But saying "sorry" does not "help"


Then they expect me to say "thank you"



They have no clue how lil dipshits socially rejected me a lot , in a wide variety of methods. And, since around age 25, I have pretty much given up on trying to make friends altogether



Risk versus reward


Anyways thus far, almost all previous precious lil "friends" were more trouble than they were worth


Sooner or later almost all of them dumped me


And it "hurt" a lot and for a long time


What gets on my nerves is that they act so morally innocent. Like they have never done anything wrong before in their lives



f**k Amy Lee scheel b***h



And the part you wrote about them putting autistic into their shoes, instead of them putting themselves into autistics shoes


Is elegant and eloquent


Spot on


Bingo



Some precious lil "people" had the nerve to tell me that "you don't care about anyone except yourself!".


My own precious lil "mom" had the nerve to tell me that"autism means selfish". (Diagnosed Asperger's)


Seriously though, ladies and gentlemen and etcetera.


Maybe, NTs understand NTs 90 percent

NTs act like they understand me 80 percent and act like I understand them ten percent


But I feel like I understand them 70 percent

And they understand me 40 percent


There are too many of them and they talk too much and too loudly



f**k mister redelings

Oh my goodness, I get this all the time. There are lots of things that I'd like to do to those who assume I have access to help. I live on the other side of the country from my family. I chose to live this way because I was always so stressed out by all of the responsibilities and rules I'd have to follow if I were to live at home or near my family. I miss them immensely now. But yeah. A special place in hell, indeed.

It's normal to ask that, though. It's a problem only if they don't believe what you say.
Isn't the main problem there simply that information didn't properly flow between the hospital staff? It really sucks when that happens and can be life threatening too at worst, but regular patients can't really do anything about it other than make complaints.

First of all, I usually have zero friends

Second, do not want to exhaust my friends by demanding too much

"Helping" takes a lot of skill, time and energy



Most lil dipshits "help" one teaspoon and demand one barrel of credit

"Happy birthday"
"Good luck"
"Congratulations"
Compliments
"How are you"
"Are you ok"
", Take care"
"Have a nice day"
"Nice to see you"


And you have to say "thank you" when all they did was flap their stupid ass trap


"Actions speak louder than words"


"Loose lips sink ships"



"Is helping people important to you?"
Counselor Jeanne Courtney


"Helping people"? That b***h made it sound like she dragged my worthless corpse out of a burning building







The insurance paid her 75. She "helped" me one dollar




So who the f**k is "helping" whom?

I sure hate people, in general. They suck. I suck because I'm a person. It sucks being a person.

In order to "help", they have to know what they are doing

Mussolini was helping the Gestapo

"Helping people" is not always a good thing


The lil dipshits that I interact with are ass holes. Someone was standing right in front of the bus doors. "Go ahead", he said. As though he "helped" me and I had to say " thank you". If I waited for him to get on the bus, then he did not get on the bus. Then miss the bus. If I cut him, lil penis says "that's rude!".


Precious lil " people" do not deserve to be called people

Not unless you hire them

"Help" is too strong of a word

"You understand the need more than anybody else I know. Will you help? If not, why do you think anyone else would?"
Unfortunately, many people can' begin to imagine how we live. I had a simple fracture of my thumb, and the doctors managed to make a lot of insurance claims about it while not helping it, and ruining my mental health.

Sometimes they claim a lot of credit when they earned less or none

Some idiot in the bathroom was talking to himself loudly and hurt my ears. There was only one toilet and I left before finishing. He was impatient and noisy. When I was washing my hands he told me that he turned on the blow dryer for me. The blow dryer hurt my ears. He acted like I had to say "thank you".

Dave redelings, San Diego, grunted "you want me to call you ("your boys name").?". "Ok" (,2006 San Diego)

After 2012 if he was my boss, it would have been "discrimination"

The penis acted like he did me a personal favor



Ozben felek b***h told me that she put her dog in the car. "Sorry". Wrong. Leash Law. My fear of dogs has nothing to do with it.



Counselor Jeanne Courtney told me that from now on, she would say "angry" instead of b"mad" . For me and anyone that asked.

Wrong. I had to go all the way to the recycling center to get the dictionary. The stupid b***h did not even say "thank you" or "I apologize"


Jeanne Courtney acted like she did me a personal favor


But I did her a personal favor. She was an on duty professional in that field


She ",helped" me one dollar. She got 75

Dave redelings "hurt" me ten bucks and he got zero

Context

Even though she is still in the positive and he is in the negative, she cheated me more than he did



f**k Jeanne Courtney

f**k ozben felek


f**k Dave abbott redelings, San Diego, civil engineer, Caminito dia

I get this too. Mostly around transportation. I can't drive. I failed my driver's test and I can't just retake it either. First of all in Ohio, if you fail your first driver's test if you are over 18, you have to take a class. You have to arrange this class and it isn't free or cheap. I have no car of my own to get to the class. My mom won't let me touch her car. I have no friends with whom to practice with. My mom is Hellbent on me not driving. She won't help me with this class or driving in general. She's just angry I failed my test.

When I told her the BMV she insisted I go take it at had horrible Google reviews she didn't believe me and said, "They're all from people who are miffed because they did not take lessons and failed." The guy testing me just started screaming at me before he even got in the car. Due to issues in the past, I just freeze when people scream at me. He didn't even let me finish my test either. But in my mom's eyes it's all my fault.

When I told her my driving instructor was kinda nasty to me. Same thing with the being yelled at. I would freeze on the road because she would yell at me over minor things. My mom would say if I was like that, I didn't belong behind the wheel. That lady made me so nervous I often threw up after driving lessons. I tried to explain to the instructor about how when people yell at me, I get nervous and can't function. She just got angry at me for "accusing" her. And people wonder why I have problems standing up for myself.

Anyhow, people don't seem to understand that not everyone has a car. Or has access to a transportation system. My AS boyfriend lives in an abusive home but can't get out because EVERY SINGLE abuse hotline he's talked to just tells him about how he needs to get out of there. No s**t Sherlock! But no one is offering to pick him up and take him to a shelter or something.

When I was in a similar situation, when my mom was being verbally abusive and making me want to kill myself, I got the same thing from hotlines but no one could understand that I lived in the boondocks with no access to a bus and had no car. If we had friends or relatives who could take us in, don't you people think we'd already be staying with one of them?

I had found an injured baby bird but every wildlife rehabilitor I called said I would have to take it to them. "I do not have a car" is not a phrase most of them understood either. I knew a man who had an endangered duck DIE from a very treatable condition because "I don't have a car" wasn't in the rehaber's vocabulary.

Some idiot security guard told me that I was in the bathroom half hour (exaggeration) . And asked if I needed "help". Then he told me that he would call medical services if I was not out in five minutes

What the flying f**k?

There were four empty toilets

I was not bothering anyone

They were bothering me

And they act like they were "helping" me?


They could "help" me by leaving the bathroom






Amy lee scheel b***h. Former precious lil "friend" was not even willing to put her stupid ass dog on leash. Or wait for the light to turn green. that's the law


The b***h had the nerve to tell me that she would tell me when I did something she did not like, and she expected me to change immediately permanently drastically and cheerfully

While she was not willing to change the slightest thing for me.


And she called herself a "friend"


There should be a law against saying "huh" and "what" like they are the etiquette equivalent of "excuse me"