Why does socializing seem a waste of time

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It is, but it's on our own terms: If I find a thread petty, boring, uninteresting, I'm free to just walk away from the 'puter without an excuse. This, in contrast to a real-life conversation, where it has to be 'rounded off' in a subtle, non-jarring fashion.

There's far more freedom in online socialization.

It is funny that people say different things than they mean when they are trying to be friendly. But instead of being frustrated, just consider it another language. When you greet someone, whatever you or they say, translate it as "You are a person, not an object". That's about all a greeting needs to do. If you answer the greeting with a trite response, e.g. "fine", then you are saying "yes I am a person, and I acknowlege that you are one too."

I wish I could socialize. I envy those people who find it so easy. People who can just enter a room and mingle effortlessly. I'm like a Darlek at the top of some sairs when I try. Absolutely buggered. And as you get older, the chances to socialize get less and less. Until finally there's just you, old and alone. Then you die.

lol, I absolutely HATE this question too. I never know if they really wanna know or if they are just asking to be "nice". I often argue that it's actually not very polite to ask somebody a question pertaining to how they are feeling and whatnot if you do not have time to listen to the answer or if you are just looking for the "fine" response. I would love for someone to come up to me and be fully honest.

"Hi, how are you doing? Keep it short, I have 5 minutes to listen then I have to go back to what I was doing." or even "Hey, how are you-fair warning, I really don't want to know, it is just the typical thing said when greeting somebody. Don't bother answering because I don't care."

I agree with you guys, socialization is pointless especially when NT people are forcing you to make friends against your will. Do you sometimes feel that other people should be seen and not heard? I feel that way all the time.

If they're not aware of them then how do they use them? Either they're acting on instinct like primitive animals or they're wilfully behaving in a way they themselves don't understand, and that's just irrational behaviour.

Nice, Iamscientist! That is the perfect explanation! Almost makes it more tolerable, too

I hate bars, clubs, pizza joints, other people's living rooms etc etc. They're not my space. I don't want anyone in my space. I don't want to be in anyone else's space.

I hate chit chat. I hate office politics. Even more than I hate being at the bottom of the food chain. Good thing, I guess!

Maybe socialization is like a form of technology that is useful but inexplicable to the vast majority of people who use it. For example: maybe you can think of NT people as someone who drives a complicated car (social interaction) without necessarily being a mechanic who knows how the car works, or a physicist who knows the principles behind it.

An aspie looks under the hood, looks at all the different buttons, pedals, and knobs, at the statistics on car fatalites, and thinks 'what the heck is this? How could it possibly work? Why would anyone even want to try?' and the NT person puts the top down, goes for a ride, and enjoys the wind in their face.

^^^^^ Sweet!

I think small-talk is a waste of time, but I don't think socializing is. The good thing about the internet is that you can be highly selective of what you want to read and what you don't. Outside, you can't.

Socialising is an activity, finding friends is entirely different.

Communication isn't a waste of time, "socializing" may be, when it doesn't bring about communication.

I like talking to people when I can feel a connection between me and them. There may be little actual talk going on - I have a few friends with whom I may sit throughout a whole evening and exchange just a couple of words, but they come to mean much more than they usually would. There's this emotional link between us at these times which gives a significance to just about everything - even very mundane-seeming things - and makes these scant words laden with meaning. I think talking too much would have actually ruined this sense of connection. (these are my closest friends whom I've known for years)

This is why I prefer to see my friends face-to-face, or at least in groups of two, rather than having large parties. When there are too many people in the same space, one can never really communicate with anybody. All those present are, as a rule, vastly different; normally, one'd have to find a special way of relating to each of them (as well as special subjects to discuss), but since one's got to talk to all of them at once, one has to resort to that redundant talk about weather, fashion, recent gossip etc. which goes nowhere. Quite simply, these are the only subjects that will help unite a group of people who are too diverse. I see no point in it. This is a waste of time indeed.

Last edited by ixochiyo_yohuallan on 25 Jul 2007, 3:38 pm, edited 3 times in total.

because it probably is. everyones trying to move up, get more money more girlfriends. its all a game, talk about a total snooze fest

Exactly right. This is a large part of the reason why I got addicted to online discussion a so long ago. It's much more comfortable than the face to face version. If my mind wanders off on some tangent in a conversation, it can be embarassing and sometimes (if at work) a Very Bad Thing. Online, I can always just go back and reread. I don't have to wonder what I should say next. If I don't have anything to say, nobody notices.

So much easier.

Why would I say "You are a Person not an object" if thats not really true. They are an object.
If I'm going to say, "you are a person not an object" I might as well say "you are a car not an object, you are a block not an object." ect. I already acknowledge that the type of object another human is is a person, I don't necessarily see the point in reinstating the obvious.

socializing is really a waste of time talking about nothing without no enjoyment if it's not a heart-to-heart talk. Try it!