Social cues and awkwardness...

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Hmm. My problem is more a matter of learning self-control, and not flailing around or spazzing all over. I'm loud, too, so I have to practice constant vigilance so other people don't start asking me why I'm shouting...

I have recently learned 'hugging' and found it strange, but useful. I'm a pretty forceful person, for the most part, so I may decide to initiate it and be damned to the other person's comfort level. It's worked out so far--no one has freaked out at me and shoved me away, but I only ever do it with people I've known for a while and who I know will at least tolerate it.

It takes practice and a certain willingness to make yourself look stupid, if that's what it takes. Part of getting on in social situations is realizing that being embarrassed or making a mistake is not necessarily as terrible as it may seem. It's hard to get over one's own fears and sometimes a real faux pas can be a kick in the teeth, but you can't make an omelet without breaking...well, you know the rest.

Body language and behaviors require a certain amount of comfort in your own body, and a knowledge of what physical actions are performed by other people. You can catalogue these and cross-reference them for later use, and over time (maybe a looong time) build up a repertoire that you can use.

I can tell you that historically with british, west european, australian, american cultures, and many others, like some eastern european, the WOMAN decides how it is to proceed, and often makes the first move. Unfortunately, that first move was historically not supposed to have been very obvious. So the way it USED to often work was that the male might make suggestive comments, the female would respond, the male would respond, and everything would be fine. TODAY it is much the same, but the female might make a first subtle move.

Steve

Is this how it is for you?

Unsure of how to initiate anything physical, such as hugging, even if you need a hug or want to take the initiative?
Terrified of giving off the wrong signals and misleading people?
Unsure of boundaries in friendships and what friendship actually means?
Totally clueless when it comes to cues?

I only realised this weekend past, how socially inept I am, when I went to a music bar with a friend and didn't know whether to sit or stand or when to talk or where to look etc.
And when I wanted a hug, but couldn't say anything and certainly couldn't initiate it and was worrying about how long you should stay in a hug before it is too long, lol.

It is a nightmare.