[If applicable] Why do you find eye contact difficult?

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With good friends and relatives, eye contact isn't really an issue. I do try to keep it short however. With strangers on the other hand, Serpentine describes it best for me.

Funny thing, my ex-wife is blind, and the one thing I always felt deprived of (not sure if that's the correct phrasing) was that she was never able to look me in the eyes.

I mean honestly its just kinda awkward for me

Like it just feels weird to be looking someone in the eye. I just kinda glance around awkwardly. If Im like thinking about it while talking to someone one on one, than its like so much worse lol. I get super uncomfortable and fidgety
But its not like a bad thing its just awkward. I dont really know where to look. Like if I try and make myself do it than I feel like Im just staring at someones eyeballs which is....super weird
And theres the whole "eyes are the windows to the soul" thingy but they just look like eyes to me so....I must be missing something.

I don't like eye contact because I feel like it's one of those nuanced things. Staring can be used to convey one's earnest sincerity but it can also be used to challenge the other person. And uninterrupted eye contact is just as unsettling. The more comfortable you feel with a person, the easier it is to maintain contact. I can't do it with small talk and it bothers quite a few people but I do a fairly decent job of it when the topic gets heavier. Even still, it's also supposed to show when you're vulnerable. Honestly, it feels easier to just avoid eye contact than offend someone who would take it as some implicit offense.

Remembers me to something. Two weeks ago a guy wanted to shake my hand but didn't dare to look at me and looked away to the ground. First I thought that he was one of the islamistic s**theads like there are many in Germany now. I told him that he should look into my eyes while he takes my hand. He did and I got that he was honest with it and he seemed to be totally OK. But I never had to say something like this to any other guy before and it's rather strange that just I had to say that he has to do it. [/quote]


Dude. Not cool. Some cultures see it as an insult. He was showing you respect by not staring you in the face. In most Asian countries, juniors have to turn away to drink as a sign of deference to their elders. It's just a bit of culture clash, they ain't s**theads for it.

There's a certain level of anxiety to it. I often look away when I'm trying to process what I'm going to say, and I struggle to piece my words together as I'm making eye contact.

I'll completely lose what I'm going to say and stammer if I do it as I'm making eye contact with someone. I suppose there is an underlying worry that the other person is judging me, but it's more to do with stringing what I want to say together.

That is something along the lines of how I find it.

It's kind of a mix of reasons. If someone is talking to me, I get more emotional information from their tone of voice than from their face or eyes, so I look away to focus on listening. If I'm talking to someone, it's difficult to both make eye contact and think of words. If I meet someone's eyes unexpectedly, it feels like a physical shock and my eyes just reflexively look away for a second until I make myself look back.
I can do it for a short time if I try, such as during job interviews. Mostly it's just a matter of actively remembering to.

As soon as I have to concentrate on some real problems then I'm looking away too because the look in the asking eyes of others may be to distracting once you need to concentrate for thinking.

Because numerous lil dipshits had the nerve to tell me that I made too much eye contact

"What the f**k are you looking at?"

Eye contact, quota and limit

Nobody measured it with a ruler

Everyone wants a different amount of eye contact

Without telepathy, everything I do is wrong






That's why

Believe me it was right even that this is totally a thing between men that may have developed already in stone age and especially belongs to northern European culture. Once you want to be trusted you need to do this right and for this I was right to insist on the eye contact.
For this let me explain whats up with toasting and shaking hands of guys that you just even met and don't know at all at such places. Once you are toasting it's simple. If the other does it to it means that he wants to get along with you and you don't have to expect him to make trouble. Same if bumping fists.
But shaking hands means a bit more. If the other does reject it then it means that he is a s**thead who wants to cause trouble. If he does it not firmly or looks away then you can't rely on him. Otherwise it's kind of an unwritten contract that means something like "I know who I am and accepting you and we'll stand together and you can trust me with everything." At this point eye contact counts because you get how the other really is towards you and whether he is honest with it in his eyes. But this guy did look away to the ground! That's why I told him that he should look at my eyes. He did and I got that he was honest with it and he got that I accepted him because of this as being trustworthy.
But how far does this 'we'll stand together and you can trust me' go? It means that you won't hesitate to risk your own ass for the other. Btw. I'm nice enough and already did test some guys whether they were honest with this while shaking their hands ...

I can make eye contact, but it's a personal decision. I've had a few people try and insist that I make eye contact with them and I got angry (inside). That's attempting to take my personal power away. I just turn and leave.

Honestly I don't know....its just difficult, I cannot think of any real reason aside from for me I don't like making much eye contact till I know someone, I just don't know what to do with that input. I mean today me and my boyfriend had a couple people over and I am hoping I did not come off too weird by not making eye contact I still participated in interactions but I am certain my eye contact with guests was lacking. I mean the impression I got is they enjoyed coming over and found the interactions to be just fine so I should not be worrying so much how I came off, but I still can't help worrying about if I was nice enough, social enough or this or that when they came over.

I am open to making new friends but I worry a lot that they wont like me or this or that, of course I was kind of worried about that I don't wear make up and this or that. And the guy and his girlfriend we had over, his girlfriend also wasn't wearing makeup(or at least not much, if she was it was minimal amounts) so I mean I felt a bit less nervous not being the only girl in the group not wearing a bunch of make-up. Still me and her did not get much chance to really talk one on one cause we were just hanging out with me and my boyfriend and her boyfriend. But it kind of seemed like we could have few things in common. I don't want to be a werido but maybe if me and my boyfriend hang out with them more me and her could become friends I just don't have any female friends and it seems hard to like really establish a friendship so IDK but from our meeting today seemed like me and her could have a few things in common.

But yeah hard to make eye contact, and I hope that did not bother our guests.

I may be wrong but NT women make eye contact because they enjoy to share the feelings about what they are talking of. That's why any kind of emotional stuff is as important to them e.g. their feelings about the relationships of all the people around. Once you want contact you have to feel good about them before making the first (short) eye contact. Show your emotions about something that is around and that they seem to feel the same way about. This establishes an initial emotional connection. Start a little bit smalltalk about it afterwards and check the emotions more often by making a bit more eye contact. Do never stare a long time into one eye but do also check the second one every one or two seconds! Hope this helps you a bit. May be the NT women here can tell a bit more about the right way to get in contact. But be sure that once you are sexually into other women that most women will sense this feelings. But they sense this anyway even if you prevent eye contact.

It just makes me feel uncomfortable for some reason. When I'm talking directly to another person, I tend to quickly shift focus between their eyes and another part of their head (or something behind their head).

That's a good question. I had my mother tell me how I needed to look people in the eye often when I was growing up. I didn't even realize that I was not looking people in the eye. It just never occurred to me that what I was doing was unnatural in any way.