What does it feel like when you can't read someone?

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Are you aware you struggle to read people? Do you always struggle? Is it that you can't read their literal 'facial expressions', the meanings behind them, or something else?

Any insight would be appreciated!!

Moreso meaning eg someone might be smiling and nodding but totally disagree. or someone is shaking their head like they’re saying no and then they say yes.
It is something that can be learned but I still find it hard to read someone’s intentions until it’s too late.

Varies between being completely oblivious and not noticing what their face/voice/body language is doing because I'm paying attention to the conversation/distracted etc, to when I'm trying to pay attention and I can see what they're doing but can only grasp at bits and pieces of the meaning (and I know I'm missing stuff-can't keep up with the pace of change-so it's really confusing). Sometimes everything's on a delay, I guess because it's not intuitive, it's something I have to cognitively figure out; for example earlier I was talking to one of my office mates and I did eventually realise she was trying to turn her chair back around to her desk to finish the conversation...but a good couple of minutes later after I'd carried on talking.

I'm used to bluffing my way through a lot though and I don't think it would necessarily have occurred to me before I started looking into ASD that I couldn't read people well because I hadn't thought much about it, and I was used to bluffing. I've done a few of those tests about reading emotions in faces though and even with multiple choice after the first easy one or two I'm so frustrated at how exactly I'm meant to tell it's a particular emotion that I'm yelling at my computer screen

I suspect I just plain don't notice sometimes. Other times it can be frustrating and distressing. I can read basic expressions but the meaning behind, a person's intentions and trying to be able to tell where boundaries are often impossible. Because I can't tell it makes knowing how to respond, what would be welcome, what wouldn't really hard. Besides the fact I generally don't know how to react anyway, since my mind often goes blank; which makes me feel pretty awkward.

When I want to connect more with someone, I will have a desire to reach through the surface but I don't feel like I can find a way in. I often find myself looking at their face and searching for something, anything, an epiphany of what they are feeling to give me some idea of what to do or say. I thus far haven't gotten anywhere with this and it is distressing.. as it can also intensify feeling lonely.

All this said, there are also times where I have no interest in trying to read some people. I frankly don't really care to engage with them to that extent.

I've only recently begun to discover the extent to which a lot of this subtext has been going over my head my entire life. It's like trying to look outside the box when you've been in it the whole time. It had to be pointed out to me.

If I'm thinking about your words, it's like I'm not interpreting anything else. I'm almost blinded in a certain sense, like I can't barely process basic stimuli in front of my eyes, barring sudden changes that require attention.

I've been experimenting with consciously interpreting eye contact lately. The moment I do this, I notice that actually listening to your statements vastly increases in difficulty, like I'm just barely hanging on.

I've improved with time because of chronic social failure forcing me to adapt. I can tell now when someone is lying to me to save face and avoid conflict, which is the most common deception used in everyday settings. I can tell when someone is bored with my conversation and wants to move on (this used to be a very serious deficit of mine). I can tell when people are being nice for superficial reasons and are not indicating that they like me or want to be friends.

There is still a lot of work I need to do, but I'm better than I used to be!

It means I have to use tone of voice and words rather than body language/facial expressions.

Most of the time I don't even notice that I haven't noticed, or otherwise missed anything. It can be frustrating when I am actively trying to figure out someone though.

For me there is basically a constant fear loop when interacting with others. I'm assuming the worst but hoping for the best.

When people talk about their experience I'm unsure how to react, I don't know if I'm listening to a story, facts or if I'm supposed to look for similarities in my experience and find common ground. I usually nod and try to look attentive but after a minute or two my focus has drifted and I start planning my escape. If people are gentle and talk about facts and concepts I can relax more and start to tune into their style of communication much better.

For me, I tend to settle on the concrete sides of things (what was explicitely said, what things did people do), and don't see the sub-textual implications, or the nonverbal components.

It is hard for me to tell the difference between when my girlfriend tells me she doesn't mind if I take a night to myself because she genuinely doesn't mind, versus when she tells me she doesn't mind if I take a night to myself because she is annoyed with the conversation, but really does mind, and really wants me to engage with her.

I have a hard time discerning when someone is arguing with me because they enjoy the intellectual stimulation, versus when they are arguing with me because they are mad at me (and as a consequence are not enjoying themselves).

I also think it is really hard for me to understand social status. I remember as a kid, I heard two people tell the same joke to the same crowd, and the more 'popular' person had everyone laughing while the less popular person had no one laughing. It's hard to understand when the joke was exactly the same.

I can do the basic stuff relatively easily now, but I struggle with the more subtle or complex stuff. It feels like watching a movie with the volume off but with subtitles, I can get it but I need to do the effort. It feels like something's constantly on mute/missing. It feel kind of cold, like I'm out of sync or like, halfway in another dimension. I have an absolutely horrible time reading tones of voice. Without additional cues, I can't tell if someone is joking or being serious, for instance.

Strangely, I have an easier time connecting with teenagers and young adults.

In my case I usually only realize that I misread a situation after the fact. I wish I was more aware at the time. Usually, someone says something weird to me and I think about it later, then realize that I've upset someone.

I waver between obliviousness and hypersensitivity. If I'm full of energy, either enthusiasm or anger, then I often upset others without noticing. If I'm tired or down I'll see signs everywhere, even when they're not there. The problem is that being high-functioning I can think my way through stuff I can't feel, but not in "real time", so I can really upset someone and only realise a while later when I'm alone.

It's like not realising you've run somebody over until you get out of the car and realise there's blood and dents all over the hood.

My friends understand this, so they usually ignore any insult and wait for the inevitable text message when I've had time to think. I can't be friends with people who use the cold shoulder or hints as they make me paranoid, but people who objectively question my behaviour really help me understand which lines I've crossed.

maybe it's just paranoia, but I sometimes get locked into a loop where I think maybe I heard a cue or subtext or something, but I'm not sure, and I try to understand and think about it, and then I space out a little, but they keep talking, so I have to let it go and hope it will be fine (and it usually is fine, if I can convince myself to let it go).