What were you like as a teenager?

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Asocial space cadet.

I was boisterous, stubborn, and too "in my own head." I didn't understand social expectations from others and therefore was ostracized and mocked fairly relentlessly. I was accused of being sheltered and naïve by peers. If I'm being honest about it, I could have been described as "annoying." I heard that word a lot

I could be a bit oppositional-defiant which came from my inability to understand "because I said so." I needed valid reasons as to "why" following a rule was beneficial and necessary and would not simply prostrate before authority. I was mostly immune to social and emotional pressure in general.

I also got into trouble a lot because of a lack of a verbal filter. I said whatever I wanted to regardless of the likely social reaction.

I was told I was shy and withdrawn a lot, although this was not my perception at the time (I remember the boisterousness of adolescence more than anything). I feel like I became a recluse around age 18, but my mother had told me it started when I first went to elementary school and mingled with peers. I think it was the vegetating at social events that caused the notion of me being "withdrawn."

As a side note, did you ever feel upset that people accused you of being "shy" when sometimes you really just didn't know what to say or how to engage within the current social stimuli or were just feeling "out of water?" I feel like that's different than being "shy."

I think my life phases went in the opposite order from most people's life phases. Most people worry about socialization as a teenager and worry about career as adults. I was the opposite. I was focused on my career as a teenager and focused about socialization (well, lack thereof) as an adult. So it hurt me in big ways since the world isn't adjusted to this. I haven't developed social skills since I didn't care about it at the time most people do, and I screwed up my career since I was distracted from it at the time when most people aren't. So now I am 39 year old, single, and without a job. Still trying to pull the pieces together though and make both areas work, hoping against hope. As a teenager I was way ahead, I was taking upper division college classes while still in high school. Thats why its a shame I am not a professor yet.

Like a few fellow misfits, I was an "odd student out" and sometimes was told off for not talking during student group meetings, which were held on a weekly basis.

I never got upset about it. But I was always confused at the way people conversed so easily. Especially in "romantic" relationships. I remember actually asking myself a few times "how do they do that (talk/flirt) so effortlessly?" I was told I was shy a lot. But like you said it wasnt that I was shy, its that I didnt know how to communicate or be apart of the group. I am a lot better now. Although I am still working on socializing with people/groups of people my own age. Or groups of people with different interests than mine. Because talking about other things besides my interests is still very hard.

I feel like shyness implies social anxiety and fear of judgment. While I have definitely experienced those issues (more so with age and self awareness of how I was coming across), I feel like the "vegetating" and sentiments like "didn't know how to communicate or be part of the group" is fundamentally different. You can initially walk into a group feeling confident and not be afraid of social opinion to have these problems. I suppose it is a social/emotional cognitive processing deficit.

I really hate it because it's like "I can't do this even though I tried and was wanting to." I've improved in terms of acting like I'm getting along ok, but I seem to have fundamental issues. I can do better with 1 to 1 or with focused discussions in a professional or academic setting. Having spontaneous discourse with acquaintances at a local bar? Nope...can't do it. I just vegetate

Very quiet. Unique. A bit of a train geek. Just a few friends. Otherwize I was a bit of a loner.

So was I, even though I was desperate to fit in.

I tried to fit in to prevent loneliness. I mean... When at home I am not lonely as I have family. In school I was lonely because I was different. It didn't stop me joining in. Many kids played soccer and it was great as individuals like me could fit in but still stay unique. Ok, my co-ordination wasn't quite on par with others (Which I made up for it in other ways), but I was ablw to play and enjoy, even if I was one of the last to be picked on which team I was on.


Generally though, fitting in wasn't always easy. I wasn't totally extreme as in an obvious loner, as I could mask, but underneath that mask I could be popular and yet be completely lonely... (Not that I was popular... Just explaining the concept).

In my teenage years I was discovered by something much BIGGER then I am which met with my lonely character. Filled the void inside of me... That is Jesus. With the Lords help and grace, I filled a one big void in my life. It did make a difference in that I maybe lonely as far as people are concerned, but the deep down casm of lonliness was filled. Jesus became my friend. Does this mean I don't struggle? Sure I struggle, just like anyone else struggles. But my struggles are shared. And He understand me far more then I can ever understand myself!

I was uh... a variety of things lol Evolving? Metamorphosing?

As far as things with my mother though, I didn't have that sort of catty ideas about her. "She doesn't know anything", "she's so annoying" I did have a spell where I kind of 'rejected' her though.

I think it's different. But a lot of people can't seem to grasp a situation like that because to most people social interactions, strategies and all that come naturally without having to think about it at all.
Which is why I also am of the opinion that tendencies of social anxiety disorder in ASD are not the same as in NTs. Whereas a more NT shy or socially anxious person would think "I can't say anything because people will think I'm stupid. My voice is weird." Someone else might just not even think about that and just forget that you have to introduce yourself, say hi or goodbye or don't even have a repertoire of day-to-day topics to fall back on. It's a lack of strategy, a lack of social tools.

Other than that, I did not have a relationship with my parents. I don't remember being combative or aggressive. I tried to make friends but didn't know how, couldn't keep the ones I had, peers thought of me as weird and not normal. I just was by myself until I was not and then I just went along with others, talking about my special interests which at the time luckily was (modern) music and (modern) musical instruments. Then peers thought of me as eccentric.

A sullen, aloof, proud, entitled, narcissistic, disdainful, dismissive, ignorant, indolent, self-indulgent, emotionally incontinent bastard.

^^^^Couldn't have said it better myself

I rejected many popular social conventions, and would loudly and often tell everyone how dumb they were. Most especially music, clothing and religion. I felt these were things that were used as tools of oppression on me, personally, so I fought back by sharing my negative opinions loudly and often.

My parents were mostly fine with it, though I got a lot of eyerolls and teasing that I would find pretty frustrating, because I really wanted to be taken seriously. I had a lot of anger, and would yell/growl and stomp around. This didn't happen too many times, but that feeling is imprinted on my soul, I will never forget it. I'm glad my feelings aren't so big as they used to be.

Oh, and another one I remember was language! I had a great vocabulary, and my peers didn't like that. I got hassled for it constantly. Of course I decided it was because they were all idiots. My parents seemed to like that I had a good vocabulary and would engage with me.

I had to dumb my speech down to fit in, and now I've been doing it for so long that it comes pretty much naturally. I also made a decision sometime around age 12 to start swearing and unfortunately this comes naturally now too, much to my family's displeasure.

As for the typical teen phase, I didn't really do that. I was never particularly rebellious and wasn't a disrespectful teenager, but I did reject my parents' religion, which I think my mum was terribly disappointed by until the day she died.

Zeitgeitbuster,

I had a good vocabulary, too! English was my favorite subject in school and I also liked to study foreign languages.