Resilience

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This is an area which is very difficult for me to study----because it isn't so "cut and dried."

Because I have an unequivocal view of intellect and knowledge; perhaps this is owing to me not actually experiencing all which those of a particularly sensitive and artistic bent have experienced. Especially those who have experienced things which many people do not experience.

And because I have a pretty unequivocal view that most people do not know how resilient they COULD be, especially when they are in the "right situation."

In order for me to be a good advocate for a person, I believe I should expand my philosophical scope. I will not, though, ever, advocate for just "throwing in the towel."

When I hear the word "resilience," I sometimes think of the cliche, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"--I believe that some people mistake the endurance that dyadiccounterpoint mentions for that more desirable (and more elusive) trait of positive adaptation. I say this because a coworker and good friend of mine frequently cites that saying, and I try to gently remind her that being alive and thriving can be two different things.

I've been through a few struggles (and howdy--some of them were major!) and consider myself rather resilient, but she's been through terrible things, year in and year out, that would have driven some people to commit headline-making atrocities. I give her tremendous credit for fending that off so very well, but she tends to take things out on herself instead--to those who don't know her, she seems resilient, but I feel like she hasn't really recovered, in part because she didn't have a healthy support system when she needed it most. It can be hard to watch the after-effects sometimes. She deserves better.

I don't feel these experiences are "laudable."

But I do admire people who are able to survive amid difficult odds. I find this admiration to be inevitable. It's hard NOT to admire someone who has survived a lot. I don't feel I want to be upbraided for admiring someone. I don't feel that admiring someone gives the trauma less credibility.

Being "strong" does not mitigate the force and the extent of the trauma. it does not lessen the trauma. I realize that. And I'm realizing it even more day by day.

In my case... I'm not even sure myself.

Sure, my nature is somewhat prideful at the core and would rather take challenges to endure than shortcuts.
Or some parts of me, had this weird type of defences that doesn't involved forgetting, putting a lid or dulling said difficulties, or even able to bypass instincts -- that includes recalling negative experiences over and over that would've stick and control my being simply because I cannot move on.
Yet instead, recalling and actually making sense of it if not tackling it headon, but also in attempts of digesting it in certain ways, be it if it's left out on ambiguity or closures.

Or maybe I'm a bit thick-skinned than I thought and had it easier, or not because I'm also too sensitive in my own opinion in which clashes with other traits that I either want or have.

All I do know is that I cannot take all the credit for it -- my culture is known for laughing at disasters and aftermaths, despite being emotional yet it doesn't necessarily equate to panic or defense but certain attitudes.
They are also known for adapting and acquiring once one had an open mind.

My upbringing simply tells me I cannot afford certain luxuries in life -- and did just that, with the full knowledge of my vulnerabilities. I cannot afford mental health issues. I cannot afford accommodations. etc.
That's just the world I lived in, and I could only do with what I have no matter how little.

But then, I also questioned that all of those things are just luck -- and I was lucky to remain largely unscathed by many things.
Lucky to end up having a network to run onto. Lucky to have the means to defend in certain ways. Lucky to be born with abilties that would fulfill than deny. Lucky enough to keep dodging the bullets of life that would've hit me hard whether or not I'm aware of it.



Not sure how I make of this, and just leave it like that unless someone asks for specifics that is...

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I can understand this Edna, for the things we have no control over we need resilience to survive, whether we adapt positively or not has a lot to do with chance or luck.

From what I've read exposure to risk taking situations in childhood seems to be a core part of building the foundations for developing positive adaptations when needed.
(By risk in this situation I mean free play, climbing, using tools, rough and tumble play etc, relative but real risks)

Edited to include a list of the external factors which research is suggesting has more impact on positive adaptations than the individuals disposition.