dislike of change affects life development

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I did'nt know how to title this thread because I will touch upon several subjects. I feel like I have not changed much over the past decade because I just can't hack change! By being exposed to different stimuli the brain changes: literally. New connections are made by learning new skills, visiting foreign places, meeting new people, fostering relationships. Over the past decade I have eaten the same foods, pretty much followed the same routine, had the same living environment, not branched out, done an art course but did'nt engage myself properly, become more of a loner, had sporadic employment but not much. Yes I'm pretty much identical to myself ten years ago. Now compare this to an individual I went to school with, the person who cut my tie off is now a headmistress! After school she would have fitted into university, joined things, done well academically, had various relationships and a rich social life, obviously I'm sure it was'nt all roses, she travelled, lived abroad, married, had illness, she went up a career structure and hey presto the individual is a world away from the teenager and I bet her brain looks different too.

I'm not envious of people that become high ranking teachers I just wish I could tolerate a new pair of trousers!
AS continues to be a "developmental disorder" right through adulthood. While I was piddling about buying the same paper everyday lounging around in a darkened room she was arguing with her boyfriend or attending a lecture. Having actual life experiences rather than obsessing about details.

You know everyone AS or NT has trouble shaking their comfort zone. While the issue is far more elaborate and emphasized for you it sounds like you recognize and have a desire to see changes in yourself and life. Why not take small steps. Just like agoraphobia is overcome by walking head on in to the fear repeatedly and sensory issues are resolved with exposure you can desensitize yourself to things. Start with small changes and dare yourself then keep going against your comfort zone it will give you some success to build on to work up to larger things...like new trousers.

Fresco: Yep, that's the way it is. That's the difference between an NT and an Aspie. And nothing can be done about it. Your friend sounds like an unusually talented person. But the important thing to realize is that your life could not be like hers, because your neurology is different. And there is nothing you can do about this. Maybe it's true that you could have put a little more effort into this or that somewhere along the line, made some beneficial changes here or there. But it wouldn't change your life into the same life an NT has. It wouldn't have made your life into anything like your friend's.

In a situation like yours, the important thing is not to allow yourself to be consumed by envy at your NT friend's success. Her success didn't come at the expense of yours. If she is a worthy enough person to deserve being your friend, then be happy at her success in NT world, be happy that she is holding her own against the less decent, praiseworthy people who often succeed in NTland. Perhaps remember that the worldly successes your NT counterparts have don't necessarily bring happiness. The "actual life experiences" that NTs get the benefit of aren't always pleasant ones.

So challenge yourself to be more open to change if you want. But remember that your receptiveness to change is to a great extent biologically determined. If you don't remember this, you will always paralyze yourself with guilt and depression over not matching the activities of NTs. You will blame yourself for not doing things that it is impossible for you to do; there's no profit in that.

I agree with much of what you said. I've had experiences, been in relationships, done some interesting things, but I feel it has been largely mitigated in comparison to many of the people I grew up around. They all seem to be involved in raising families and doing all these adult things while I still feel like an irresponsible teen most of the time. I doubt if my mind will ever develop to where I feel mature about anything.

I have a brother who is the polar opposite of me, he is NT to almost a extreme nature. He had so many friends calling and hanging out when we were teens and I think he dated half of the female population of my small home town. I think I grew jealous of him and it is one of the reasons I left home at a young age. It is funny that two people derived from similar genetic material can be so different. It is weird because I am much better educated than he is and have seen things that I doubt he knows exist, but he still seems so more developed than me.

that doesn't seem very helpful. I think Fresco can do whatever she wants. And aspie has nothing to do with it. The dean of Harvard apparently had Asperger's.

Thank you...I don't think it is helpful to tell someone they can't do something. AS is more an ability than a disability and it is only a disability if you chose it to be. AS people have many great characteristics that NT people don't always have the ability to use. It is no different than telling a person in a wheel chair they will never walk again...some do. Growth is not just for NT's.

That's the SAD part about this site. Some people get CRAZY ideas, and just figure they are absolute truth. I'm sure YOU know this. HECK, you've LIVED some of it, BUT....

1. AS people aren't stupid and don't really have a disability simply because of AS.
2. You won't grow out of it, but subtle changes and comprimises can make it far less obvious.
3. Etc...

Think what you will. I really think I do have AS. Still, my talks with people here and reading validate what I know. NTs are not NEARLY as smart or social as some here seem to believe. The reluctance to change, risk taking, aggresiveness, and looking into peoples eyes make AS people appear worse. It is like the woman that broke down because others couldn't be there to help her with the airplane. MOST are driven nuts ANYWAY! She could handle it by herself. The AS temperament just made her really want to have help.

It is silly to just say "Hey, you're S$%^&*(d! Live with it and accept it.". The TRUTH is that you have different abilities. In some ways things may be HARDER, in others EASIER.

Just going to add that resistance to change, though we perhaps have it to a greater extent than average (some of us, anyway), is absolutely rampant among NTs too. It seems to be a standard part of the human condition. The difference may be how difficult it is to get ourselves out of our ruts (working to get out of several deep, deep ones right now), and on the positive side that once we really set our sights on something, so many of us Aspies have an amazing ability to concentrate on what we want (this usually manifests itself as our interests, but I think it's something we can, to greater or lesser extents, use in a more general sense). As always, it depends on the individual, and what we need to learn is where our actual limits are, be happy within those limits but not artificially limit ourselves because of problems with our upbringings and what we've been told we can't do, just because someone else thought so. Other people are often wrong about us, whoever we are, and it's important to remember that no one knows me better than myself (when I allow myself to see, that is; that's been a tough nut to crack as self-esteem has been such an issue for me).

Hmmm. Obviously getting into a fight with Alex isn't what I had in mind! So I won't pursue a debate with him on his comments.

But I believe that AS puts constraints on the type of things that one can successfully do in life, and that not recognizing this often leads to the depression that so commonly affects Aspies.

I'm not urging defeatism about life, or giving up, or stopping trying to improve yourself, etc. I am saying that Aspies operate within limits set by their neurology. IMO it is key to recognize the existence of the limits and not blame oneself for them. THEN you can try to develop yourself, your abilities, within the limits that nature has set upon you.

You know there are some crazy ideas. And let me run my mouth and get flamed but I see a great deal of people embracing the whole poor me thing and the deviant, dark abnormal thing and I wonder is it really them, is it truly their identity or did they buy in to what society told them they are...abnormal, psychotic and deviant.
You are only disabled if you chose to believe you are disabled. It is not any value to try to convince others they are also helpless in order to justify your own need to remain disabled by choice. Being different is NOT a disability.

Let's be aware of a key fact: Limitations and constraints are NOT an AS thing, they are a HUMAN thing

It's not that NTs are dancing and singing in complete happiness all day because of their successful lifes they achieve without any struggling - negative ! That's not the case. Countless NTs never get anything changed in their lifes for the better, in opposite many Aspies live successful lifes in their careers, social life and even families.
I know from my own experience that changes can be hard and painful - but without initiating changes you never will realize your real limits. Aspies may share a common set of limits, but the extent of your limits is not an AS thing, it's a very personal thing. And finally Aspergers have the intellectual abilities to try out their limits, and possibly go beyond. You of course cannot change your life in one step, but I guess nobody can do that, neither AS not NT.

Thank you for all the responses, firstly can I emphasise that I feel glad that this person has done well, the negative tone of the post looks like I've got the green eyed monster in fact I'm just irritated with myself for procrastinating for a decade! This girl in question came from a poor background and struggled academically at school in university she flourished and socially she was a big hit and she could be a bit of a bully. But anyway good luck to her. Yes many NT's stay within their comfort zone and don't achieve what they want and many people with AS have amazing lives. Its not so much AS that has hampered my life but fear and anxiety something that blocks everyone from branching out. I feel like I've gone round and round in circles!

Actually I really did'nt want this post to become an envy thread about how NT's have it better than AS, I'm sure this girl has had her fair share of heartache like everyone. I don't think I composed the post very well! I wanted to consider literally how much she has changed, how her brain has changed, built new neurons, I should have taken a more scientific angle. Lastly I don't want anyone to think I'm moaning about AS or wasting time comparing myself to NT's, of course it has limitations but there's one thing AS gives you and that is a different perspective that is refreshing, creative and unique.