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Ever had an NT jealous of your autism?

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red_doghubb
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25 Sep 2019, 7:34 pm

aquafelix wrote:
red_doghubb wrote:
Unless you are leaving some part of her response out or how she said it (was she flip? glib?): I may be empathy impaired but that was mean of you. She said she doesn't feel special but you focused on how you felt insulted instead of the fact she obviously has low self esteem. Aren't you a counselor?

Yes, I'm a counsellor, but that doesn't mean I can never make mistakes in my personal life! This wasn't a client or a work colleague and I wasn't in work-mode. I only recognised after the fact that what I said was mean. I just got caught up in my emotional reaction without thinking and then I felt bad about my response. We have repaired the friendship rupture and everything is good between us now. The person is a bit insecure, but also is also an exceptionally talented person which is also what made her comment seem so bizarre.



That's good. Does she know you view her this way ( talented, not insecure?)



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25 Sep 2019, 7:42 pm

aquafelix wrote:
I had a bizarre experience today. A person I know well told me she was jealous of my autism. When I asked her why, she said it made me and another person we know (an aspie) special. She said that she was jealous cause she didn’t feel she was special in any way.

I was angry at what she said and asked her if she ever felt jealous of a person in a wheelchair or a blind person? She was really hurt by what I said, and in hindsight it probably wasn’t the best response. But, I'm baffled why anyone would be jealous. I don't feel special, I see my autism predominantly as a disability, with the difficulties far outweighing the advantages.

I often don't know whether I'm right to be angry about things. Am I missing something?


you realize you were comparing yourself to a cripple as if you (and they for that matter) are or should feel deficient or even self hating. There may be difficulties caused by autism but you should not let them lead you to (indirect) self denigration.



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25 Sep 2019, 9:03 pm

The "special" part is that I can be a "good" ASD, rather than being a "bad" NT. That's why the diagnosis "appeals" to me; even though it is scary (so it's considered an inability for which I have compensated as best I can?). So like OPs suggested, perhaps your person feels bad about themselves.

In the past, I was told people were intimidated by me, although I am sure folks envied what they could see I did with ease (aced tests without studying), but didn't know about the other stuff (through the roof anxiety about homework and noises, confusion with social events).

Recently, my Aspie-like BFF was oddly upset when I had all the green check marks of self-diagnosed ASD and she didn't (I was a bit disappointed myself, I'm more "screwed up" than her?). I suggested perhaps she was BAP (as she ran her fingertips over her cuticles as she always does), and she said maybe she wasn't self-reporting accurately implying she would be "more" ASD if she did (BTW she has a point: she has closed her sphere very tight, she reported that she enjoys social occasions (definitely agrees) but she only goes out with one person at a time, about three times a year and it's b/c she's known them for 10 years now). So again, if one lowers their expectations (is "special"), then one can be more satisfied. I have limited ability to do this thing (I'm "special") and look! I did this much. Yea for me! (as opposed to being ashamed at the limited results)



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25 Sep 2019, 10:25 pm

Nobody has ever told me that they were jealous that I was autistic

Being "special" could be a good or bad thing

Everyone is "special" in some way



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25 Sep 2019, 11:27 pm

People envied me for being able to express things most people don't have the guts to say and usually get away with it.
People envied me for being able to understand and do certain things that most people didn't thought of it nor able to.
People envied me for having some leeway, for having PWD privileges, or that having less responsibilities.


People aren't really envious about autism, people are envious of what they don't have or can't.


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26 Sep 2019, 12:41 am

red_doghubb wrote:
aquafelix wrote:
I had a bizarre experience today. A person I know well told me she was jealous of my autism. When I asked her why, she said it made me and another person we know (an aspie) special. She said that she was jealous cause she didn’t feel she was special in any way.

I was angry at what she said and asked her if she ever felt jealous of a person in a wheelchair or a blind person? She was really hurt by what I said, and in hindsight it probably wasn’t the best response. But, I'm baffled why anyone would be jealous. I don't feel special, I see my autism predominantly as a disability, with the difficulties far outweighing the advantages.

I often don't know whether I'm right to be angry about things. Am I missing something?


you realize you were comparing yourself to a cripple as if you (and they for that matter) are or should feel deficient or even self hating. There may be difficulties caused by autism but you should not let them lead you to (indirect) self denigration.


I often feel like a cripple. I've had blind friends and I've had a good paraplegic friend since I was 19 who can all sorts of things that I can't, but I've never thought of them as a less valuable people or that they should hate themselves. I don't hate myself, I like myself (mostly). I don't like my crappy executive functioning and sensory problems. I don't like that I seem to spend half my life looking for things that I've lost. My difficulties are what they are, but I don't equate disability with deserving degradation.



aquafelix
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26 Sep 2019, 12:42 am

red_doghubb wrote:
aquafelix wrote:
red_doghubb wrote:
Unless you are leaving some part of her response out or how she said it (was she flip? glib?): I may be empathy impaired but that was mean of you. She said she doesn't feel special but you focused on how you felt insulted instead of the fact she obviously has low self esteem. Aren't you a counselor?

Yes, I'm a counsellor, but that doesn't mean I can never make mistakes in my personal life! This wasn't a client or a work colleague and I wasn't in work-mode. I only recognised after the fact that what I said was mean. I just got caught up in my emotional reaction without thinking and then I felt bad about my response. We have repaired the friendship rupture and everything is good between us now. The person is a bit insecure, but also is also an exceptionally talented person which is also what made her comment seem so bizarre.



That's good. Does she know you view her this way ( talented, not insecure?)

I tell her she's brilliant all the time



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26 Sep 2019, 1:05 am

No one has ever remarked on being jealous of my autism specifically, but like others, I’ve had numerous admissions of jealousy regarding my memory and intellect. I would probably be offput by that remark too. My disability isn’t just a quirk that makes me “special” or “amazing”, it’s a significant neurocognitive disability that impacts large parts of my life.


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26 Sep 2019, 3:36 am

red_doghubb wrote:
aquafelix wrote:
I had a bizarre experience today. A person I know well told me she was jealous of my autism. When I asked her why, she said it made me and another person we know (an aspie) special. She said that she was jealous cause she didn’t feel she was special in any way.

I was angry at what she said and asked her if she ever felt jealous of a person in a wheelchair or a blind person? She was really hurt by what I said, and in hindsight it probably wasn’t the best response. But, I'm baffled why anyone would be jealous. I don't feel special, I see my autism predominantly as a disability, with the difficulties far outweighing the advantages.

I often don't know whether I'm right to be angry about things. Am I missing something?


you realize you were comparing yourself to a cripple as if you (and they for that matter) are or should feel deficient or even self hating. There may be difficulties caused by autism but you should not let them lead you to (indirect) self denigration.


Do you realize that you're talking nonsense. He is doing nothing of the sort.

He is comparing himself to a cripple because that is a correct analogy. Autism, like blindness, is a disability.

Where did he say that "cripples should feel bad about themselves"?

If you met Stevie Wonder in person you might say "Stevie, I envy you for your musical talents", but you wouldn't say "Stevie, I envy you for being blind because it makes you special". The OP is just pointing out the obvious- that what the lady said to him was of comparable idiocy to the saying the later to SW.



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26 Sep 2019, 6:59 am

No NT or Aspie wants my kind of autism.



red_doghubb
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26 Sep 2019, 7:03 am

aquafelix wrote:
red_doghubb wrote:
aquafelix wrote:
red_doghubb wrote:
Unless you are leaving some part of her response out or how she said it (was she flip? glib?): I may be empathy impaired but that was mean of you. She said she doesn't feel special but you focused on how you felt insulted instead of the fact she obviously has low self esteem. Aren't you a counselor?

Yes, I'm a counsellor, but that doesn't mean I can never make mistakes in my personal life! This wasn't a client or a work colleague and I wasn't in work-mode. I only recognised after the fact that what I said was mean. I just got caught up in my emotional reaction without thinking and then I felt bad about my response. We have repaired the friendship rupture and everything is good between us now. The person is a bit insecure, but also is also an exceptionally talented person which is also what made her comment seem so bizarre.



That's good. Does she know you view her this way ( talented, not insecure?)



I tell her she's brilliant all the time


that's good of you. Not that someone insecure should be coddled but acknowledging them sometimes does wonders esp. if coming from someone they (apparently) respect



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26 Sep 2019, 7:05 am

naturalplastic wrote:
red_doghubb wrote:
aquafelix wrote:
I had a bizarre experience today. A person I know well told me she was jealous of my autism. When I asked her why, she said it made me and another person we know (an aspie) special. She said that she was jealous cause she didn’t feel she was special in any way.

I was angry at what she said and asked her if she ever felt jealous of a person in a wheelchair or a blind person? She was really hurt by what I said, and in hindsight it probably wasn’t the best response. But, I'm baffled why anyone would be jealous. I don't feel special, I see my autism predominantly as a disability, with the difficulties far outweighing the advantages.

I often don't know whether I'm right to be angry about things. Am I missing something?


you realize you were comparing yourself to a cripple as if you (and they for that matter) are or should feel deficient or even self hating. There may be difficulties caused by autism but you should not let them lead you to (indirect) self denigration.


Do you realize that you're talking nonsense. He is doing nothing of the sort.

He is comparing himself to a cripple because that is a correct analogy. Autism, like blindness, is a disability.

Where did he say that "cripples should feel bad about themselves"?

If you met Stevie Wonder in person you might say "Stevie, I envy you for your musical talents", but you wouldn't say "Stevie, I envy you for being blind because it makes you special". The OP is just pointing out the obvious- that what the lady said to him was of comparable idiocy to the saying the later to SW.


As both an autistic and a cripple, I think both you and aquafelix are spot on.



red_doghubb
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26 Sep 2019, 7:15 am

EzraS wrote:
naturalplastic wrote:
red_doghubb wrote:
aquafelix wrote:
I had a bizarre experience today. A person I know well told me she was jealous of my autism. When I asked her why, she said it made me and another person we know (an aspie) special. She said that she was jealous cause she didn’t feel she was special in any way.

I was angry at what she said and asked her if she ever felt jealous of a person in a wheelchair or a blind person? She was really hurt by what I said, and in hindsight it probably wasn’t the best response. But, I'm baffled why anyone would be jealous. I don't feel special, I see my autism predominantly as a disability, with the difficulties far outweighing the advantages.

I often don't know whether I'm right to be angry about things. Am I missing something?


you realize you were comparing yourself to a cripple as if you (and they for that matter) are or should feel deficient or even self hating. There may be difficulties caused by autism but you should not let them lead you to (indirect) self denigration.


Do you realize that you're talking nonsense. He is doing nothing of the sort.

He is comparing himself to a cripple because that is a correct analogy. Autism, like blindness, is a disability.

Where did he say that "cripples should feel bad about themselves"?

If you met Stevie Wonder in person you might say "Stevie, I envy you for your musical talents", but you wouldn't say "Stevie, I envy you for being blind because it makes you special". The OP is just pointing out the obvious- that what the lady said to him was of comparable idiocy to the saying the later to SW.


As both an autistic and a cripple, I think both you and aquafelix are spot on.


Leaving aside cripple, this does make me wonder, is it the social skills aspect that makes so many ppl feel disabled? Referencing my caveat above with the clarification my ASD counselor thinks I have it: I don't feel disabled. In fact, I feel somewhat empowered because I am capable in ways that others I know are not regarding esp. intellect and skills. But then, I have no- to- little desire for social interaction or friends.



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26 Sep 2019, 8:03 am

If you don’t feel disabled, you usually are not disabled.

I feel irritated and frustrated by my symptoms—but don’t really feel “disabled” by them.

There’s a side of me which states that I could have done better with my life had I tried harder. That I’m not “disabled” enough not to have been successful professionally.

But another side is content with what I did achieve, despite being autistic.



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26 Sep 2019, 9:02 am

I have had people become jealous of my mental abilities in grad school. This was way before my self diagnosis, but I knew from a young age that I was vastly different from others. I just did not know why. I told the jealous graduate students that they should be careful on what they covet, as it comes with curses like depression and self-hatred. They just did not understand. Some things cost much more than what they are worth.



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26 Sep 2019, 9:28 am

red_doghubb wrote:
EzraS wrote:
naturalplastic wrote:
red_doghubb wrote:
aquafelix wrote:
I had a bizarre experience today. A person I know well told me she was jealous of my autism. When I asked her why, she said it made me and another person we know (an aspie) special. She said that she was jealous cause she didn’t feel she was special in any way.

I was angry at what she said and asked her if she ever felt jealous of a person in a wheelchair or a blind person? She was really hurt by what I said, and in hindsight it probably wasn’t the best response. But, I'm baffled why anyone would be jealous. I don't feel special, I see my autism predominantly as a disability, with the difficulties far outweighing the advantages.

I often don't know whether I'm right to be angry about things. Am I missing something?


you realize you were comparing yourself to a cripple as if you (and they for that matter) are or should feel deficient or even self hating. There may be difficulties caused by autism but you should not let them lead you to (indirect) self denigration.


Do you realize that you're talking nonsense. He is doing nothing of the sort.

He is comparing himself to a cripple because that is a correct analogy. Autism, like blindness, is a disability.

Where did he say that "cripples should feel bad about themselves"?

If you met Stevie Wonder in person you might say "Stevie, I envy you for your musical talents", but you wouldn't say "Stevie, I envy you for being blind because it makes you special". The OP is just pointing out the obvious- that what the lady said to him was of comparable idiocy to the saying the later to SW.


As both an autistic and a cripple, I think both you and aquafelix are spot on.


Leaving aside cripple, this does make me wonder, is it the social skills aspect that makes so many ppl feel disabled? Referencing my caveat above with the clarification my ASD counselor thinks I have it: I don't feel disabled. In fact, I feel somewhat empowered because I am capable in ways that others I know are not regarding esp. intellect and skills. But then, I have no- to- little desire for social interaction or friends.


Whether you crave social contact or not is irrelevant. Social skills are the means to most ends in society (like supporting yourself in a job) whether you consider socializing to be an end in themself or not. You may not desire to read books, but an inability to read due to dyslexia is most definitely a disability in society (or at least it is in society of the last couple centuries).