I have zero friends

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I dont have any real friends. I have two people i talk to online but thats it. I also have my dog but as much as i love her she doesnt help with loneliness. I feel my loneliness is so unbearable sometimes. I just wish I could die. I dont have anyone I feel really connected to and i havent in years. If not my entire life. I feel broken.. Why cant I connect? Why does everyone always feel a mile away? It really makes me feel hopeless to ever finding anyone. As if I could never connect to another person properly so I am doomed to drown in my loneliness. I wish that I could be like normal people. It seems so much easier. Instead I suffer all by myself. I'm tired of suffering by myself. I am tired of never having anyone to cry on. I sat alone slicing my wrists bleeding all by myself. That's been the story of my life. Alone and bleeding. Wishing someone could hear me and save me from my empty loneliness.

What you write is what I wrote and felt some 25 years ago. I am so sorry for this difficult time.

In my case, reducing stress, medications, counseling and the tincture of time got me through. It's odd that I am outgoing and yet feel disconnected... still, but it's less acute and I can rationalize it better. At 21 unbeknownst to me at the time, I had met my life-long ASD-like friend and was a year away from meeting a life-long NT partner (both via shared Special Interest). I stopped "bleeding" in my late 20s when it was time for a less scarring coping mechanism. I learned to externalize more rather than internalize. Still I am often too "well behaved" for my own good. I am learning to be myself and although there is more upset, I am far less depressed (suppressed, oppressed). It's ironic to me that at one time I couldn't stand it and now I can't get enough.

Wishing you find what gets you through. Hugs.

I’ve been there too: pretty much the entirety of my teens and twenties I was in the state you describe... there were friendships, but ultimately shallow and/or broken due to communication difficulties.
And one relationship with a very depressive woman... that was if anything worse than being single and lonely. And I was no use or help with her problems: looking back I’m pretty sure I made things worse for her on that score.

I’m querying what changed in my life?

I moved city to be closer to my family (I’d moved away for university)

I started volunteering in a local charity shop, mostly pricing stock in the cellar.

I met my wife (a long-standing friend of my aunt and cousins) totally unexpected: I came back from uni and she just wanted to know this ‘new’ family member.

I was encouraged/pushed into taking on garden maintainance jobs for elderly couples and widows.

Somehow or other I ended up ditching electric (metal) guitar in favour of classical guitar: much more personal satisfaction, and I can share what I’ve learnt!

I still don’t have friends as such: I have family around and about, my wife friends on a superficial level, customers, fellow volunteers and staff at the coffee shop and supermarkets I have scripted interactions with...
I think the fact I now see people who value me for themselves, or for shared goals on a regular has dissipated the loneliness until it just faded out of my life...

I don’t know if this is any direct help to you other than to affirm that it can get better, hang on in there, and take care of yourself: you’ve probably got the potential to be of far more worth to the community around you than you realise (that was definitely the case with me)

Give it time you are still young. You will find someone who will love you for you

I felt the same way at your age but Honestly it was a good thing for me as I didn't need a distraction from focusing on my schooling.

My spouse who is AS didn't meet me till she was 23 and we got married when she was 24.

I feel the same way. I also have a person I talk to online but, even then it doesn't replace physically being with another person. I have a social group I go to but I still feel no connection to anyone. I have no idea why I can't connect to people and when I talk to people I just feel nothing.

I wish I could help, all I can say is I'm sorry you're in this situation.

If you haven't done so already, try attending an in-person support group for adults on the autism spectrum. There is one in Cincinnati hosted by the Autism Society of Greater Cincinnati.

Also if you have any unusual hobbies/interests, try seeking out (e.g. on Meetup.com) groups of people who share your interests.

I am 40 and feel the same, more or less. I am married, but otherwise alone and can't connect. I have recently stopped trying, and it feels in part obvious that I should have stopped trying long ago and in part like giving up on part of what it is to be human. Its just that it is so much easier this way.

I was only diagnosed last year and didn't know I was ASD before that, so I hope you get the help you need to learn to connect now. I hope you don't wait years until you are burned out like I am. Go for it!